Prancer

I wanted to do something fun for Christmas.

You Are Prancer

You are the perfect reindeer, with perfect hooves and perfect flying form. Why You're Naughty: Because you're Santa's pet, and you won't let anyone show you up. Why You're Nice: You have the softest fur and the sweetest carrot breath.

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

Five Blessings

I thought things were going to be crappy for me this Christmas, well because, with a certain friend, that I have had major troubles with, decided he needed another break from me, we had that settled, then he calls me today and tells me he is done. We talked for a little bit, and I said it is said if we can't call once in awhile to say hi and see what is up, he said you can't do once in awhile. It is still unsettled, because if it is truly done, why would he say I'll call you back, so we can talk about it. I am confused by this. Knowing Monte, he does this a lot, he has done this to me, twice before. I called back tonight, I left him a nice message, and I left it in his corner. I am taking a risk, this is difficult for me, I like him, and when I care about someone, I get close to them, it is hard for me to let go. I have to let go, I can’t force someone in my life if they don’t want to be there. I got on a tangent, didn’t I? I wanted to write out the blessings that I am receiving this holiday season. The gifts from people that I didn’t expect. I need to find things to be grateful for in my life, and not focus on the negative. I have to change my mind set or negativity will run rapid, and I don’t want to be like my real mom. So here it goes: Here are five to get me started. I’m going to do this daily, lets see what happens.
1) Unexpected gifts from a sister who lives far away. Vickie and I don’t share Christmas, we never did growing up, the last two days, I have gotten two things. A one year magazine subscription to Better Homes and Gardens, and a box of cheese and summer sausage, (anyone who knows me, knows that cheese is my absolutely favorite food)
2) Turkey is a blessing, I love turkey.
3) Spending time with my sister in law, Kris and her two girls Nichole and Sarah.
4) Giving hope a chance in the situation with Monte, and taking a risk.
5) My nice red pajamas.

Good Bacteria

I thought this article about probiotics showed some great informational about the healthy bacteria that our bodies need. I have learned this from my big sister Vickie. I needed some to help me with some stomach trouble I was having, and sure enough, it helped a lot. Yogurt is a good source of probiotics, but also you can get it in pill form too.

Thursday Thirteen # 1

Thirteen Things about Jamie Thursday Thirteen Number One: 1. I am 31 2. My sister Joy got me into blogging and Thursday Thirteen 3. I live in Vancouver Washington 4. I enjoy cooking, photography, reading, and my houseplants. 5. I just got a library card in the city I live in now. 6. I am on a life altering journey. 7. I have 3 sisters and one brother 8. My brother Rob is called the mystic marvel, because he can fix anything, he is married to a wonderful woman and has 4 children, My sister Carri is a fabulous artist, and she is home schooling her little boy. My sister Joy, is a awesome writer, and loves books, blue, and babies and lives too far away, I miss her. My sister Vickie lives in Alabama, and she a magnificent woman and I love them all. I love all of my siblings. 9. I lost my dad to colon cancer a little over a year ago, and I miss him a lot. 10. Rick, my significant other passed away almost three years ago, and I still miss him in a lot of ways. I sold our house, in hopes of forgetting about things. It didn’t work. 11. I love the cheese 12. I just lost 25 pounds and I am on a quest to lose more, after going a year without losing any. The previous year, I lost 86 pounds. I had a long plateau. 13. I believe in having a balance life and that is ultimately my goal. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Anxiety

I got this article about anxiety and the research that is being done. I have a couple of family members who suffer from anxiety, all for different reasons. I myself at times have been emotionally effect, by watching the people I love suffer from this debilitating disease. I am glad they are coming up with new medications to help.

Lovely Poem

The House Of Belonging:
David Whyte

I awoke
This morning
In the gold light
Turning this way
And that

Thinking for
A moment
It was one
Day
Like any other.

But
The veil had gone
From my darkened heart
And I thought
It must have been the quiet
Candlelight
That filled my room

It must have been
The first
Easy rhythm
With which I breathed
Myself to sleep,

It must have been
The prayer I said
Speaking to the otherness
Of the night.

And I thought
This is the good day
You could
Meet your love.

House Of Belonging

I just read a marvelous book by Sarah Ban Breathnach called “Moving On”. I first encountered this grand writer when my sister Joy sent me her book “Simple Abundance”, as a gift. I loved it, though I do have to admit that I never actually followed it day by day or discovered the many treasures that were in it. I still have the book, and now upon reading this creation, I have a renewed interest in reading it day by day, starting with the new year. “Moving On”, is a candid self description of her trials and errors, coming from her success to failure and back to success. It gives a renewed hope that if this famous author can go through tragedies and survive, well then maybe I can to. I recommend this book for any woman, who is losing hope, and needs a reinvention of herself. You will surely find it here.

Christmas Spirit

Miracle On 34th Street, I just finished watching this lovely film. It brings you into the Christmas spirit. Last night I watched the old classic, “It’s A Wonderful Life”. I needed some Christmas spirit. These two movies bring the hope that we all need about man kind, friends, and family. Having faith in all that you are, and believing that things will be ok. I have been struggling with this my whole life, having faith, having trust, having belief in yourself and that all shall be well. I want to believe, it is difficult, especially for the child that is in me. I feel like that little girl, who wants to believe in Christmas, but is struggling with it. I need to trust and have faith.

Life Makeovers

With all of the life altering transitions that I have been experiencing for the last two years of my life, since February 18th, 2004, I have decided to go on a new beginning, a different start. This decision, after many, many months of staling, fighting, and begrudging myself and others in my life, this new insight came to me. I have gone on many different starts, I have always gone back to the prison that I have made of my own negative thoughts, being afraid of the unknown, being crippled by the past, and extending energy to everyone else’s care. I am a natural born caretaker, I take on everything for everyone, I’m always there, no matter what. In fact, when my sister Carri came to visit me unrepentantly yesterday and I didn’t answer the phone, like everyone expects from me, she was concerned. I made a conscious decision to unplug my phone and not be a phone whore anymore, to spend time alone, in my own thoughts, thinking about myself, what I have to do to make my own life better and not sitting there frustrated by the lack of what I am perceiving is nothing. With that said, I decided to go on a different new path, something that I have never done before. I am working several thoughts, making them each my own, on a quest of discovery of me.
So I made a list of 25 accomplishments, recommended by Cheryl Richardson, who wrote “Life Makeovers.”

1) Walking the Clackamas mall with Amber and her clan without losing my breath and keeping up and not lagging behind.
2) Learning boundaries for myself and with my other relationships.
3) Eating healthier and not using food as a comfort.
4) Losing 25 pounds
5) Growing Italian Parsley, and my other plants.
6) Learning to listen to my intuition and voice inside, instead of ignoring them.
7) Recognizing what my strengths are
8) Coming out of the darkness and into the REAL world, and discovering that I have the key to my doors.
9) Knowing my own style
10) Being a good friend to Amber, Monte, Christina, and listening and being there for them.
11) Taking care of my health.
12) Learning to open up about my problems with my family and friends.
13) Realizing my own place in the web of life. That I’m the only person with the power to control my life.
14) Developing my writing skills with my blogs.
15) Finding out and realizing what I truly believe in.
16. Learning to make goals and plans for my life.
17. Learning to read bills and understanding what they are actually saying.
18) Being brave and gaining courage to telling people what I think.
19) Expanding my tastes in music
20) Developing my skills in many areas of my life
21) Filled out an application for a job at the library.
22) Starting a new journey in myself.
23) Getting a library card, something I have been wanting to do for a long time, but procrastinated.

Nourishing Ones Self!

"The body must be nourished physically, emotionally and spiritually. We're spiritually starved in this culture -- not underfed but undernourished." --Carol Hornig

Peaceful Picture

I took this picture at the Grand Canyon over a year ago. I found it while looking through my pictures today. I find this picture peaceful and beautiful. It is helpful for a soul that is crying out for some comfort. I love the way the tree is sticking out over the edge and you can see the pretty colors in the distance of the canyon. It brings back happy memories.

My Tarot Card

You are The Hierophant

Divine Wisdom. Manifestation. Explanation. Teaching.

All things relating to education, patience, help from superiors.The Hierophant is often considered to be a Guardian Angel.

The Hierophant's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. Where the High Priestess between her two pillars deals with realms beyond this Earth, the Hierophant (or High Priest) deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create harmony and peace in the midst of a crisis. The Hierophant's only problem is that he can be stubborn and hidebound. At his best, he is wise and soothing, at his worst, he is an unbending traditionalist.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Good News

I am so excited. I am now under 300 pounds. I have lost 15 pounds since November 14th. I am so happy. I went to the hospital last night, I had extremely high blood pressure, 218/112, that is stroke level. I was not feeling good all day, I also have a bladder infection, one that has been happening for a long time now. All these things could be playing havoc on my emotional well being. I am hoping the new medications will do their job, and I’ll be able to be my normal self. The past few months, I have been having crying fits, this is new to me. I have never in my life felt this way about anything in my life. Things have been accumulating and it is frustrating me and everyone who is around me. I am lucky that I have not lost any of my relationships over it, though I have come close. My greatest fear is being like my real mom, she was a hermit. She kept everything to herself, she was not happy. I don’t want that, I have to do something now to change that. I’m still on the quest of knowing what. All I know is that I cannot go to any of my support people in my life for help any longer. This is something I am going to have to figure out for myself.

Thanksgiving Horoscope.

Yeah, right, they are complete idiots with alcohol in them. I do make a mean pumpkin cheesecake, although, I hate pumpkin. Who would have though?

Thanksgiving Horoscope for Gemini

You're the sign most likely to bring up interesting and controversial topics at Thanksgiving dinner. Your signature dish: Sweet potatoes with marshmallows Your signature dessert: Pumpkin cheesecake This holiday: Play bartender. You're family is much more lively with a few drinks in them.

What's Your Thanksgiving Horoscope?

Breast Cancer

http://www.everydayhealth.com/PublicSite/Healthology/VideoPage.aspx?category=breast_cancer&cvalue=breastcancer_genescreening&utm_source=nl_womenshealth

This website is chaulk full of information about breast cancer. I know that when I was 19, I found my first lump in my breast, I know my mom, sister, and aunts have had them. It is important to check and keep track of your body.

Cold, Wet, Flooding

Preparing for a life changing event is a difficult course to undertake. I’m discovering this, as I am gathering all the tools that I am going to need to step out into the ocean of events. One of the stones I am stepping on to cross the great wide river of self appreciation concerns my weight. Food is one of those comforts that’s been there for me, when life’s biggest disappointments strikes me. The death of Rick, my dad, losing a cherished friend, moving, emotional stress of any kind, I turn to big old bear hug of a block of cheese.
I have been afraid of changing, it’s the fear of the unknown, it’s the fear of succeeding, or maybe it’s the fear of discovering a part of myself that I didn’t realize existed. These muddy illusions of what I think I want, need, feel, or desire give way to the reality of how things are. The death of my old ways is here, I have to slowly take the matches and light up the old and then immerse into the new. The moon, does this cycle of growing full and then slowly dying back down into a small crescent. I’ve been shown that I must learn the lunar ways, death is a part of life, so is the emulsification of all the forms of life that we know. Why is death the hardest to accept and enjoy? Maybe it is the cold, wet, rainy, flood like weather we are experiencing the last couple of days, maybe it is the events that are changing, and seeing cycles that I want to change that are voicing inside of my head. Yelling at me to do something and live your life, Jamie. All I know is my dreams have been wonderments of knowledge, advice, and parallels that I must acknowledge. Especially, concerning one person in my life. The universe is telling me something and I must heed to it’s call and do something before I become the vicious woman that I do not want to be.

Charlotte Martin

I discovered Charlotte Martin a year or so ago, a friend on myspace suggested that I listen to her. I like her a lot, right now this song is standing out to me. I am feeling this way about myself with several different people in my life.



On Your Shore: By Charlotte Martin

I dig my heels into the dirt cause this one's gonna hurt
Won't let the waves wash me away is what I always pray
In my heart I know you didn't see in the dark or find your way through me
Now I'm alone my hands are numb how do I carry on

At the turn of the tide I feel this part of me die
Am I washed on your shore and barely alive?

Now I'm held hostage in my head with every word you said
God all those lessons in my past I spit them out so fast I
See myself
With you I act so small see myself with you I always crawl
So someone leave a raft for me the water's getting deep

At the turn of the tide I feel this part of me die
Am I washed on your shore and barely alive?

Here I am in my insecurity
Here I am with my damaged dignity
Here I am you're pulling me in too deep
Here I am
Here I am, I'm in the mercy seat
Here I am, running without my feet
Here I am, oh what's come over me
Here I am

When I was melting in your hand you didn't understand
You slip through me like grains of sand you still don't understand
Overboard I'm thrown out to see what you are and what I mean to me
But I will always have my dream where you can swim to me

At the turn of the tide I feel this part of me die
I've been on your shore before and it was no waste of time
Over my head and in my mind
Am I washed on your shore and barely alive

Am I washed on your shore and barely alive

Stromata:
By Charlotte Martin

The clues to you and I are sprawling out like roads
And if we find a place for them they won't lead home
I only meant to say it once but it's too late
I'm into you and out again

The rotted love manipulates me
The rotted love that twists the fates seem
A bit confused by my reflection
'Cause if we die there's still direction and

I I you we're not thinking my stromata
I I you we're not thinking my stromata

If I can think on purpose then you'll be right here
A paranoia got the best of what I hold dear
The cold linoleum is talking up my shoes
Deciphering the truth of us

And now I know what I'm about to lose
Now I know what I'm about to choose
Now we go for some reaction
A little game of who's distracted more and

I I you we're not thinking my stromata
I I you we're not thinking my stromata
I I you we're not thinking my stromata

And see the disappointments walking in their line
But every step they take is perfectly in time
I'm singing you in every breath I'm left to heave
I feel your arms surrounding me

And when I'm in a dirty river
And my receiver meets her giver
I set a trap to come and catch you
Oh someone stop me now I can't do this

I I you we're not thinking my stromata
I I you we're not thinking my stromata
I I you we're not thinking my stromata
I I you we're not thinking my stromata
I I we're not thinking my stromata
I I we're not thinking my stromata
I I we're not thinking my stromata
I I we're not thinking my stromata

Love Let Go Of Me

I discovered this song on Trisha Yearwoods Album, Inside Out. It caught me off guard, because it is beautifully written and the picture it paints in your heart is liberating.

Love Let Go (Hugh Prestwood)

Since I heard the whistle Of a mournful midnight train Sing a little duet With a siren in the rain The sang about true love Between the damned and the devout And right then for a moment The fire in me blew out And for a moment I felt my shackled heart unchained It was right then...instant liberation It was not long...but I was set free It was release...for a moment love let go of me Once I saw the moon rise As the sun climbed into bed They both shone on each other 'Til the sun blushed ruby red And then a pair of swallows Silhouetted cross its face And my heart pirouetted Through the twilight with their grace And for a moment I was not a prisoner of love It was right then...a little liberation It was so quick...but I was set free It was release...for a moment love let go of me

Links To Dreams

http://www.intuition2vishnu.homestead.com/Dreamssomeinterestingfacts.html

http://finalbookofdaniel.com/Danielbible.html

Dreams, Dreams, What Do They Mean?

There is a subject that has been on my mind for a long time now. It is something that I’ve been conflicted with since a little girl. Something that I’ve been ashamed to share with anyone, only a close few, because from the history of my family, you are considered crazy or “influenced by Satan” if you speak of such things. Though in the beloved Bible that my guardian parents loved and believed was so full of truth and great insight, they still felt it this way about it, Daniel, and other prophets had dreams that were divine answers from God, they held them in high regard. Women were not considered to be of high value or instruments used by God in this way, only as child barriers and hostess in their home. I do not share my parents views or a few of my families views on God and religion. I have my own set of views of what I believe. The reason I am so heavily compounded by this subject is that I have dreams, dreams that are mere reflections of what has happened. When anyone I care deeply for is inflicted in any way or it is coming their way, I dream about them and know what they are going to tell me before it happens. It is scary to me, I don’t know what this spiritual and powerful journey is taking me or why or where I received it from. Vickie my older sister has this ability also. It is a connection to the universe and to source that is new to me, though I‘ve had it all along. I never acknowledged it, because of the fear of being viewed as a lunatic. I do not know how to accept it or if it is because I am a loony person. I do not think it is because I am crazy at all. I believe there are others out there, who possess this same quality. How do you cherish this and cultivate this, so you are more aware of it? This is my question. I am scared of it at times, especially when it unfolds before me. Is it a warning, is it a chance for me to heal or help someone else by listening to them, so I am not caught off guard by their pain, so I know how to react? I do not know. I usually need answers to these questions. I am a seeker of understanding and knowledge, but I am discovering that this is something I am not going to be able to answer.
To help me quench this desire in my heart and soul, I decided to do some basic research on dreams. On this website they have some interesting dreams facts, such as. Dream interpretation dates back to 3000 B.C. They held great respect and even the Greek and Roman’s had dream interpreters who traveled with them into battle.
Even Christians, in the old testament book of Daniel had dream interpretation from their beloved prophet. He is held in high regard, at least in my family. My mom use to tell the story of Daniel in the lion cage and how angels helped him out of it. And the one story I will remember is when Daniel does not reveal his interpretation to the king Nebuchadnezzar, he is punished. In the Christian view, at least from what I was taught when Jesus came dreams and such were not needed anymore. I do not share that opinion.
Even the Wiccan’s have their own dream Gods/Goddess’ that help them on their dream travels. It isn’t just one religion, one culture, it is a vast majority that use dreams and their knowledge to show them the path of truth. This is a curiosity to me, since in some way I have possession of this. Symbols in dreams mean things to people. My sister Joy has symbolic dreams, where each object, animal, or being means something, some choice or decision she must face up to. I believe that myself, I have those too, but it goes much further for me. I am never at war within myself when I have these dreams. It is what Oprah coined an “Ah Ah, moment”. If there is anyone out there who has more information or insight I’d be most interested in your shared knowledge.