My Season

You Are Fall!

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What Season Woman Are You?

Mean Dreads

I’ve been a funk for awhile, something needs to change. Like the line in Breakfast In Tiffany’s where Holly is talking about the mean dreads, it Isn’t exactly depression, it is something and you don’t know why you’re feeling the way you are. So, she goes to Tiffany’s where they disappear. I need to find something like that for me. Come to find out today, my good friend Amber is in the same spirit. We don’t know exactly, why, it could be an accumulation of a lot of things, for us both. A week ago, we both signed contracts with ourselves with 5 goals we want to accomplish in 3 months. I have started mine and hopefully soon those dreads will go away…

Love Is Based On

It is funny how accurate this blogquiz is.

Your Love is Based on Friendship

For you, chemistry doesn't really happen without compatibility. Companionship and openness are the most important parts of your relationships. Whoever you love should be your best friend. And falling in love with a good friend is never out of the question. Why your love can last: You only fall for people who you truly understand... and who truly understand you Why your love can fail: Sometimes you don't admit how important physical chemistry is to you

What Is Your Love Based On?

Tell Tale Heart

I found this cool animation of the Edgar Allan Poe poem. I liked this poem, it was scary. Enjoy.

Your Armor

I've been posting a lot of YouTube videos today. LOL I enjoy Charlotte Martin a lot too, I love this song too.

Bouncing Off Clouds

Bouncing off of clouds is off of Toris' new CD, American Girl Posse. I love the CD, it is awesome, several great songs.

Crucify

I have loved this song every since the first time I heard it, 3 years ago from an old friend. I love the imagery of her words, religious symbolism, and her fight for herself in the song. I never new their was a video, but the video is just awesome.
Here are the lyrics:
Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then i get affraid what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what god needs
One more victim


Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day i crucify myself
Nothing i do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day i crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains


Got a kick for a dog beggin' for love
I gotta have my suffering
So that i can have my cross
I know a cat named easter
He says will you ever learn
You're just an empty cage girl if you kill the brid


I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
My own religion


Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day i crucify myself
Nothing i do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day i crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains


Please be
Save me
I cry


Looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Where are those angels
When you need them


Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day i crucify myself
Nothing i do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day i crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains


Why do we change
Crucify ourselves
Everyday


Never going back again
Crucify myself again
You know
Never going back again to
Crucify myself
Everyday

Sweet Sacrifice

I really like this song a lot. Now that I have cable internet, I now can watch Youtube and I found this video.

Rambling Update

It's almost 4 AM, Friday morning. I haven't been on in a long time, a few weeks to be exact, I've worried a couple of my on-line buds. Here is an update on my life. I am definately loving my new found freedom in my maroon Toyota Camry. It is a dream, at least to me it is. I only had one repair that I had to get done on it, the starter went out on it, luckily had the right amount left in order to get it fixed. I didn't have a car for a few days, so it sucked. I dyed my hair brown black, which is darker. I'll post pictures to show, I like it a lot better. It makes my eyes pop out. I was nervous having my friend Amber dye my hair, because of the disaster that happened with an old aquaintance of mine. I'm glad I did it and it looks wonderful. My fourth was great. I came down to Longview to see my mom, and I spent the fourth at my cousin Marsha's, who is a fabulous host. I saw Jeremy and his girlfriend Mary and their 4 children, Casey and his girlfriends. And when Carri, Levi, and I walked to the lake we rain into my other nephew Rick and his Wife Jessica, they sat with us. It was a good 15 minutes of fireworks, the best part to me was my family though, the fireworks was not that spactacular to me. I"m not a holiday person, never have been. My family never really celebrated them or made them special, so I don't feel like I"m missing much when I don't celebrate or do anything. I'm happy that others are happy, but that is about it. I'm experiencing some new things with my friendship with Monte, he has a new lady friend, and it is an interesting experience. One I have to learn some more things from and test some of my theories about him. I want to believe was he says about him and I. I don't think I'm going to lose our bond of friendship, it is being tested again. I"m hoping to be back up on the internet soon, in the next couple of weeks. I'm at my friend Ambers. I am driving to Seattle with her and her sister to pick up her boyfriend Mark, who is coming in on a ferry from Canada. I have never met him, but I have heard some good things about him.

Sunday Serenity #5

What brings me serenity is gaining order in my life. I gained order, by obtaining a car, which is essential for me to keep my freedom. I rearranged my living room this evening, tearing down some old furniture that was not serving me well, hooking up new speakers, and I like the placement a lot better. Serenity isn’t just inside of us, but is in our homes, cars, and the places that are around us. If I want peace, I have to make my environment organized, peaceful, and happy, not for company but for my own comfort and enjoyment. I bought some scents to enjoy in my own, and other things that will bring a sense of serenity, peace, and a well balanced life for me. Learning to make notes to keep me mindful of what needs to get done, listening to the people, who truly are my loved ones is also essential for me too,even when I don't like what they are saying.

Odd Ball

Mr. Man, my friend Montes' cat. Isn't he cute? Though, he has nothing to do what I am writing about, I felt the need to include him. He used to be my cat, but I gave him to Monte and now Monte and him are partners for life. LOL




I am feeling rested now, this morning at 5 AM I drove Carissa and Amber up to Seattle, so that Carissa can meet the ferry to take her to Victoria to see her boyfriend. It was a good trip good laughs, great music, and pretty scenery, well not until the sun light came across the sky. On the way home was not so good. Rain, rain, rain, pouring down from the sky made it hard to see, but it was still a great trip. The last 20 miles home I had a hard time keeping my eyes open. Monte kept me awake on the phone until I got home and then I went straight to bed. Sleep felt good, I didn’t sleep well, because the combination of being on a couch and in a strange house that was not my own. I feel much better, thank God. I bought some speakers that were better than my old ones for $40 and I am looking forward to hooking them up tonight, now that I am feeling awake. LOL I have some big plans, and though last night I was feeling unsure of things, it is funny how the light of day can bring some perspective on things. I had a good talk with Amber on the way back home this morning, she is going through some major changes herself, the unknown is a frightening place, but we can’t stand still waiting for things to happen, we have to keep moving on and be the strong capable people we are. I’ve been questioning myself, repeating patterns that are not serving me well, giving up on myself, my perspective, beliefs, and I don’t want that bull in my life. Hibernating myself away from the world is not going to solve my problems or keep me safe, I have some plans. My big sister Vickie wants to purchase an apartment 4 or 8 plex here in Vancouver where I live and have me manage it with her. That would be a cool investment opportunity for me, and I’m going to do it. So, I’ll be searching out some possibilities in that area. Second, I’m going to continue to lose the weight that I so desperately want to lose and keep on going down that path. I just bought Bob Greens’ new book, “The Best Life Diet” and I also got the companion book to keep track of your progress. I am looking forward to reading it, and I am also looking forward to reading Wynonna Judds’ biography, I read her moms, but Wynonna is a fascinating woman in my eyes, so is Ashley. Actually, all three are awesome.

Seattle

Carissa and Amber. Carissa is getting ready to get on the ferry to go to Victoria Canada.

The waterfront

Along the waterfront

Seattle street with the train tracks and the beautiful buildings.

A poppy flower in downtown.

The amtrak train in downtown Seattle, next the the waterfront.

The beautiful city of Seattle and the space needle.


The Space needle on the side.

My Ramblings

I'm spending the night at my friend Ambers' place. I'm driving to Seattle with her and her little sister Carissa. Carissa is going to Victoria Canada to see her boyfriend for a week, I'm excited for her. I've never been to Victoria Canada, but I've been told it looks a lot like Europe. I want to go someday. A lot of interesting things have been happening for me lately. I've been enjoying my freedom, but I fear I may be going way too far in my enjoyment. I have felt like a caged tiger for too long and now I'm out on the prowl, so to speak. I don't want what happened last time to happen now. I also realize that I need to settle down, figure things out, work on my future, instead of just waiting for it to happen. It isn't going. I'm not happy, though I should be. What the hell do I want to do with the next 30 or so years? I also don't want to concentrate on a certain person, that I've been wasting so much time and energy on, because frankly, it is going to make me more miserable. I have these voices in my life that all have opinions, advice, including my own, and I'm not sure where I stand, what to do, or even what I want? My whole life I've been doing what everyone else wants, holding back my emotions and feelings, letting everyone have control, but never ceasing the ropes myself. What kind of life am I going to have if it keeps up? I go for people who are not available for me? That are in constand mood swings and other dilemas and I'm here wondering what the heck? Should I do what I want to do, take a week or two to myself, no contact, and breath in my own thoughts, dreams, revelations, and cherish what I need to. Is that selfish? Or is it necessary for my own sanity?

Freedom In Four Wheels

These pictures are from the day I purchased my car. I have been without my own transportation for a year, and now I am FREE at last. I felt good today. I discovered at Lane Bryant that I am a smaller size than I thought, which shocked me. I've been losing weight, but didn't realize how much my body has changed, until I tried on clothes. No one else saw either, until I got smaller size, instead of wearing tents as garments.lol

Bright, Shinning, and Maroon

I finally bought my new car, well it is used, but new to me. It is a 1992 Toyota Camary. I love it, it is comfortable and has all the options that I want on it. I love it. I'm so happy.

Songs

bold the songs you've heard before.

Lips Like Morphine - Kill Hannah
Welcome to the Black Parade - My chemical romance
What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flats
Pain - Three Days Grace
Girl Next Door - Saving Jane
Smack Dat - Akon, Eminem
Lips of an Angel - Hinder
Because of You - Kelly Clarkson
Miss Murder - AFI
Irreplaceable - Beyonce
Me & U - Cassie
Wind It Up - Gwen Stefani
What Goes Around Comes Around - Justin Timberlake
Beautiful - Christina Auguliara
Bad Day - Daniel Powter
London Bridge - Fergie
Lala - Ashlee Simpson
Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood
You're Beautiful - James Blunt
My Band - D12
The After Dinner Payback - From Autumn to Ashes
Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence
You're So Vain - Carly Simon
In Da Club - 50 Cent
Seize the Day - Avenged Sevenfold
Rockstar - Nickelback
It Ends Tonight - All American Rejects
Dance Dance - Fall Out Boy
Toxic - Britney Spears
Back in Black - AC/DC
Lying Through Your Teeth - Head Automatica
Down with the Sickness - Disturbed
American Idiot - Green Day
Stupid Girl - Pink
Rompe - Daddy Yankee
Naked in My Bed - Fricken’ A
But It's Better If You Do - Panic! at the Disco
Writing on the Walls - Underoath
Westchester - Marks of a Hero
Makedamnsure - Taking Back Sunday
Family Affair - Jessica Simpson
Lose Control - Missy Elliot
Blue Prints for the Future - Norma Jean
How to Save a Life - The Fray
Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard
Fuck Ya Man - Tila Tequila
Newport Living - Cute Is What We Aim For
Maxwell Murder - Rancid
The Kill - 30 Seconds to Mars
Heroine - From First to Last
Keep Holding On - Avril Lavigne
Rich - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
The Crowing - Coheed & Cambria

Full Moon

I took this picture of the moon above my apartment from my deck outside. I live next the I5 and I saw this the other night. I didn't realize that we were going to have a second full moon in one month. That is rare, I gather from what some people are saying, I have no idea. This is the first nature shot I have taken since I have received my camera back. I've been enjoying it, and have had some major fun. I can't wait until I can go on some nature walks and take more pictures.

More Pictures Of Me.

Me with make up on. Wow


Amber and Russ. It was Monte's birthday and this was on his deck.


Monte, Amber, and I


Amber and I

Sunday Serenity #4

Well, this week, it's been tough, too many thoughts buzzying in my brain cells after my near death experience and facing the challenges of yet another change that I must make for me. Something that brings me serenity has been a tough one for me today, but getting out and getting some fresh air. Feeling the sun on my face, the breeze on my body, and accomplishing something on my own, brings me peace of mind.

Home On Leave

This afternoon my nephew Jesse and my sister in law Kris called to invite me out to lunch, before he goes back on Sunday. It was great seeing them both, here are a few pictures of Jesse and Kris that I took. He is going to Iraq in November, I’m sad about it, but he is in my prayers.