Hopes & Dreams

Shattered they've become.
Hope still blossoms.
The wolf rests peacefully.

Happy Birthday Mom!

My mom is on my mind today, I've thinking about her, missing some of the good things about her, and also contemplating how much my life truly changed in the course of 21 years since her passing. I just finished the 6th grade, and I moved to Longview, Washington, to be with my sister and her family. Looking on it, grieving, contemplating, and an overwhelming sense of loss, waves over me like a banner. Though, I do have to say, from every experience I have learned many valuable lessons in my life. That life throw unbelievable sadness and happiness at different times in ones life. Every experience, somehow shapped me into the person I am. Somehow, that blunt, bulldog, tiger girl's been lost. That is one of my greatest fears, to become and die like my mother did. That is what I am thinking of today, my mothers life and death, and the many adventures I went on in my life. I feel like a great explorer, roaming around, observing things.
When I look at the kaelodescope of my life, I see every shape, color, and demension of the people who have become a part of my life, some are still here, some are gone. Each one holds a key that unlocks a door, showing, behind the door new ways of viewing certain situations in my life. An example: I went from a single mother, who became besieged with mental problems, to a sister whose house elapsed into the drug haven of the whole city of Longview and beyond, to a fundamentalist sect Christian family, to a man who loved Elvis and nothing more. All these experiences somehow became a part of my foundation, one that I am not ashamed of anymore. I can't be, though at times it shook it, crumbled it, I still didn't break, I didn't die, I didn't became a blob of nothing. I stood it, and yet I still have my humanity. I am appreciating my blunt perspectives, my compassionate, genrious nature, and also the tiger that I am when I am fighting for someone or something I love. I can't change who I am...
I've always told everyone that I don't know who I am, the fog is lifting that I've been in for so long. It is possible to love yourself and to love others the same... Balance can be reached.

Writing One's Story

I get a newsletter from Goddess.com and they gave suggestions on writing one's life story. I liked the suggestions, because some of them have been illustrated in many of the books I have or am reading. Blogging is my way of sharing my thoughts and story with family, friends, and strangers, in our time, it is easier to do this with a blog. Blogging is a great way to communicate, though some of us were not blessed with the skills of a professional writer. Does that truly matter? Expressing ones heart is a difficult task to do in person, but writing it out, helps a lot. I do not express my emotions well in person, but I sure can get it out with pen and paper, or more likely computer and keypad. I have a talented writter in my family, maybe even some friends, but we are all different, have different voices, different inspirations, way so of looking at things, and that is what th tapestry of life is truly about. Freely, sharing our own talents and appreciating ours and others in this wonderous world we live in. Anyway, here are the suggestions: I do a couple of them already...


Begin writing your life story... There is no doubt that you would have life lessons to share that perhaps you aren't consciously aware of. There are several approaches you can take, even if you don't consider yourself a "writer"...
Write a short story about yourself in the third person, making yourself the heroine of the amazing adventure that has been your life so far;
Write short journal entries before you go to sleep every night, focussing on the "best thing that happened to me today";
Release any residual pain surrounding old injuries by rewriting the story with a new outcome;
Start a gratitude journal and record every little thing that makes you go mmmmmm.