Sunday Serenity #16

I chose nature for what brings me at peace. I am excited because I am getting my new digital camera and I'll soon be able to go out into the world and take pictures of the beautiful things I see around me.

Reclaiming My Eve

I found I Goddess yesterday and so I went exploring, because after the video there was a bunch of you tube things to watch, so I went a watching. I saw Zsuzsanna Budapest, I liked how she talked, I liked what she has to say. I've been afraid of Wiccan, Goddess movements, I've read on them and I liked what I read and their teachings, but being brought up Christian. It frightened me. One thing that resonated in my heart and soul was her comments about EVe. That is where she gained some respect from me. I've always felt that in religions I was brought up in, Southern Baptist and the non denominational religions always protrayed women as evil, malicious, unworthy, distrsutful. I like what Budapest said in video three and four about Eve, the Genesis story, she called it a lying story. I have always thought this of many of the stories in the bible. The only parts that I didn't feel that way about was the Gospels, because Jesus portrayed women as healers, providers, and worthy of love and respect by men. Budapest has a ceremony that concerns Eve, and I liked it. I watched it mesmerized by the ritual and thinking hell yeah, it is about time that we realize that we are not evil, not worthy of love and we are not at fault for the sins of the world. That we are creators of life and we are capable of much more than we were ever told we were. Some people might think she is bashing men, but I don't feel that way about what she has to say. What she is saying to me is we need to value ourselves and take care of ourselves for our children and for our partners in life. We need to respect ourselves and everyone else in our lives.
The last one number 6 is the self blessing, I like it and I am going to incorperate it into my normal routine on Fridays. I ask you to watch all 6 of them, you will be enlightened by them.

I Goddess

I am learning that when one door closes, another one opens. The last couple of months have been a maze of steps. I've been stumbling, longer than the two month, more like 3 years. I'm awake, fully awake. I feel like the fool in the tarot deck, the one who is about to start on a new adventure, but then I just went through the death and the tower too. So, today, in my email this you tube video showed up, then some other magical occurances started happening. I got to talk to a couple of friends and it helped me put a lot of things into perspective. I have felt inspired or hopeful in a long time. I've been mindlessly going, taking care of someone else's needs and I know in my heart that it isn't right. That has to change somehow. I like this meditative movie from I Goddess, found below, that popped into my email this afternoon. Enjoy... To all the Goddess out there...

Sunday Serenity #15

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Sunday Serenity #14

Goddess

I found a cool website about Goddess Inspiration that I like. I wanted to share, here is a sample of the work.

Come On, Come Out

A Fine Frenzy, the song is called Come on, Come Out. I like her voice, the lyrics to her songs, and the way she plays.

I'm A 48

I got this from a forward of some sort, I don't know if it really came from Dr. Phil or not, but I still found it interesting. I scored a 48 on the test...

Below is Dr Phil's test. (Dr. Phil scored 55; he did this test on Oprah - she got a 38.)
Some folks pay alot of money to find this stuff out!

Read on, this is very interesting!

Don't be overly sensitive!
The following is pretty accurate
and it only takes 2 minutes.
Ta ke this test for yourself
and send it to your friends.


Don't peek, but begin the test as you scroll down and answer.

Answers are for who you are now......
not who you were in the past.
Have pen or pencil and paper ready.
This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept.
at many of the major corporations today.
It helps them get better insight
concerning their employees and prospective employees.
It's only 10 Simple questions, so...
grab a pencil and paper,
keeping track of your letter answers to each question.

Ready??

Begin...

1. When do you feel your best?
a) in the morning
b) during the afternoon &and early evening
c) late at night

2. You usually walk...
a) fairly fast, with long steps
b) fairly fast, with little steps
c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
d) less fast, head down
e) very slowly

3. When talking to people, you ~
a) stand with your arms folded
b) have your hands clasped
c) have one or both your hands on your hips
d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with.
a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
b) your legs crossed
c) your legs stretched out or straight
d) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with...
a) big appreciated laugh
b) a laugh, but not a loud one
c) a quiet chuckle
d) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you...
a) make a loud entrance
so everyone notices you
b) make a quiet entrance,
looking around for someone you know
c) make the quietest entrance,
trying to stay unnoticed

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard,
and you're interrupted...
a) welcome the break
b) feel extremely irritated
c) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?
a) Red or orange
b) black
c) yellow or light blue
d) green
e) dark blue or purple
f) white
g) brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night,
in those last few moments
before going to sleep
you are..
a) stretched out on your back
b) stretched out face down on your stomach
c) on your side, slightly curled
d) with your head on one arm
e) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are..
a) falling
b) fighting or struggling
c) searching for something or somebody
d) flying or floating
e) you usually have dreamless sleep
f) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:
1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1
3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1
5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2
6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c ) 2
7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1
10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points.





OVER 60 POINTS:


Others see you as someone they should "handle with care." You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.


51 TO 60 POINTS:


Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quickto make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate


41 TO 50 POINTS:

< BR>Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.


31 TO 40 POINTS:


Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful &practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make, and who expects the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you, realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.


21 TO 30 POINTS:


Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively, or on the spur of the moment; expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle, and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.


UNDER 21 POINTS:


People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions, &who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well ~ know that you aren't.


Now forward this to others,
and put your score in the subject box of your e-mail,
like this:

"Dr. Phil's Test, I'm a __"

Sisters

I am thinking about my sisters, both ones that I am bonded with by blood and the ones that we are only bonded by heart and soul. Victoria, Joy Renea, Carrilee, Amber Dawn, and Amber May. I am so glad that you are all in my life and I am blessed to know you all.

For there is no friend like a sister
In calm or stormy weather;
To cheer one on the tedious way,
To fetch one if one goes astray,
To lift one if one totters down,
To strengthen whilst one stands.
Christina Rossetti



You should never look down on a sister except to pick her up.

Unknown




Sisters don't need words.

They have perfected a language of snarls and smiles

and frowns and winks

- expressions of shocked surprise

and incredulity and disbelief.

Sniffs and snorts and gasps and sighs

- that can undermine

any tale you're telling.

Pam Brown


Sisters are different. They heard the sobbing in the darkness.

They lived through all your triumphs, all your favorites,

all your loves and losses. They have no delusions.

They lived with you too long.

And so, when you achieve some victory, friends are delighted -

but sisters hold your hands in silence and shine with happiness.

For they know the cost.

Pam Brown

Amazing

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Sunday Serenity #12

Feng Shui is something I've been interested in for a long time. I do know that when my home and environment is in order and it manifests the balance that I need. Here is a guide that I found on Youtube that explains it...

Salvador Dali

My friend Amber and I were talking today about metamorphis' and Salvador Dali paintings. I couldn't remember what his paintings looked like, Rick, an old friend had a book of his paintings and I remembered that, but couldn't visualize just one. I enjoy his art, I discovered. I like the music that is playing along with the art. My two favorites are the lady looking out the window at the ocean and the one where there is a butterfly and a devil in the corner. It brought out a certain creativity inside of me. Some of his paintings depict Christ and such, which is so intriguing to me, the images he paints. I would have enjoyed talking to him, to see what he was thinking or dreaming. Since, some of his paintings look like they come from dreams.

It's A Wonderful World

My friend Amber's youngest boy Cullen singing It's A Wonderful World, he has autism, but his memory and showmanship is amazing. He loves to draw, sing, recite movie lines, and all sorts of things. He is a great kid.


Cullen sings "What A Wonderful World"

..

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Book Meme

1. Hardcover or paperback, and why?

I actually don't have a preference at all.

2. If I were to own a book shop I would call it…

I have never thought about this, I guess I would have to call it the Sitting Room or something like that.

3. My favorite quote from a book (mention the title) is…

I don't have one.

4. The author (alive or deceased) I would love to have lunch with would be ….

There would be several, like Virginia Woolfe, Maya Angelou, and Toni Morrison, Nora Roberts, and Sarah Ban Breathnach.

5. If I was going to a deserted island and could only bring one book, except the SAS survival guide, it would be…

boy, that is a tough one for me to answer.

6. I would love someone to invent a bookish gadget that….

Put into pictures what I am invisioning in my mind as I am reading, like a movie.

7. The smell of an old book reminds me of….

my dads library.

8. If I could be the lead character in a book (mention the title), it would be….

I am always the charachter in every book I read. At least in my imagination.

9. The most overestimated book of all time is….
I can't answer this question.

10. I hate it when a book…

doesn't have a plot or imagination.

Key Lime Pie

Wake Up Girl!

Another great song from Pat Benatar that I have a lot of recognition to.

Do you like the way it feels when you get hurt?
Maybe you should take a long hard look at your self-worth
There's an emptiness inside
It started many years ago
You always try to fill it up
It's a familiar place you go
One day you'll just have to wake up, girl

[Chorus]

You know you got a lot to learn
You've got to do it for yourself
Find your own direction, don't rely on someone else
You got to know it in your heart
You've got to build it up with love, it isn't hard to rise above
Wake up, you don't wanna make up
You've got to do it for yourself

I know it feels sometimes that loneliness is worse
And with every change there comes a melancholy search
Now you can walk away from this
It doesn't have to bring you down
Have faith in destiny you what goes around, comes around
You don't have to stay and take it, girl

[Chorus]

Got nowhere to run
Got nowhere to hide
These changes will come if you just open your eyes
Got nowhere to run
Got nowhere to hide

You gotta do it for yourself
You gotta know it in your heart
It isn't hard to rise above

Forgiveness

I saw this tonight, while researching forgiveness. I liked it's music and message.

Sunday Serenity #11

This is a song on Pat Benatar album Innamorta and this song I have been playing around for a week and it has helped me feel forgiveness towards Monte and what has happened between him and I. The only part is, he wasn't a lover, he was a dear friend. The part where she says, I want to replace you with forgiveness brought tears to my eyes, because I have to forgive him and myself. I wish him nothing but the best and I hope he is truly happy. I will always care and wish him nothing but the best always.

Pat Benatar
Angry:

I walk around pretending you were never here, but the smell of you is everywhere. I ache so bad for you I want to shed my skin. Trying to keep my thoughts from turning into you.
I'm not angry anymore. I'm not angry. I"m not angry anymore.

There is no wound as deep as a lover's betrayal. NO touch as tender as your lovers hand . You were so generous with both that I nearly died. Took all my dignity until there was nothing left inside. I'm not angry anymore, i'm not angry, I"m not angry anymore.

I just want to forget you, I just want to erase you, and replace you with forgiveness. I"m not angry anymore, i'm not angry, i'm not angry anymore.

YOu were so generous with both that i nearly died, I'm not angry anymore, i'm not angry, I'm not angry anymore. I just want to forget you and replace you with forgiveness. I'm not angry anymore. I'm not angry anymore.

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

I found this while researching for my Sunday Serenity. I thought it was so cute, I had to share. It made me feel a bit more cheerful, as I laughed a bit, something I needed.

Sunday Serenity 10

Strong Women

I've been reading a book about different women in the world who were brave, strong, patient, and resilient in their lives or still are. I thought I'd share some of them, that I their stories to be amazing and caught my admiration.

1. Mary Magdalene is a woman that is mentioned in the bible a lot, she stood by Jesus. I want to read the Gospel of Mary Magdalene. Like many women have been during certain periods of time, she was banished and her gospel was not put into the bible. I found this site dedicated to her and it's information is truly interesting.

2. Boudicca was a Celtic queen who fought with the Brittish and the Roman soilders. I just admired her bravery.

3. Mary Wallstonecraft is a woman who fought for women's right in the 1700's. She wrote a book called "A Vindication Of The Rights Of Women."

4. Harriet Beecher Stowe the woman who wrote "Uncle Tom's Cabin". Anyone who is against slavery and is brave enough to write about it, is truly brave...

5. Susan B. Anthony another strong woman, fighting for women's liberation.

6. Mary Cassatt I like her images of art...

7. Marie Curie a scientist of physics.

8. Virginia Woolf I love her books and writing.

9. Ameila Earhart A woman aviatar.

10. Margaret Bourke-White a photographer

11. Dorothy Hodgkin another woman scientist, who got the nobel prize in Chemistry.

Carving A Pumpkin

Sunday Serenity #9

I'm On The Run

Heart Of The Matter

Quote Unquote...

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” Albert Einstein

“Life is too short, and too long, to spend it being miserable. Life may indeed be short, but it is, for a fact, wide. It is high time we started settling for more.” Jill Conner Browne

“Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life.” Buddha

“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tag You're It!

I got this in an email today, I liked it. Thought I'd share.


I Resign!!!

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.

I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities
of an 8-year old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and
make ripples with rocks.

I want to think M&M's are better than money because
you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade
stand with my friends on a hot summer day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple.

When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables,
and nursery rhymes,

but that did not bother you, because you didn't know what
you didn't know and you didn't care.

All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware

of all the things that should

make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair.

That everyone is honest and good.

That differences in people are a good thing.

I want to believe that anything is possible.

I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and
be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again.

I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains
of paperwork, depressing news,

how to survive more days in the month that there is
money in the bank, doctors bills, gossip, illness,
and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word,
truth, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making
angels in the snow.

So... here's my checkbook and my car keys, my credit cards and
all my responsibility.

I am officially resigning from adulthood.

And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to
catch me first, "cause,

"Tag! You're It."

More Quotes To Ponder

"There are no rules here. We're just trying to accomplish something" Thomas Edison

"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off" Werner Erhard

"All human unhappiness comes from not facing reality squarely, exactly as it is" Buddha

"Knowledge speaks but wisdom listens" Jimi Hendrix

"All great things begins as blasphemy." George Bernard Shaw

I am on a quoting spree this morning. I woke up this morning, after only getting 5 hours of sleep, feeling energized. I have to leave for work in a few minutes. Edna, is a fascinating lady and I enjoy going to her home and helping her out. After work, I plan on going grocery shopping and enjoy the reprieve from the rain and the sunshine that is in its place. Thank you for the sun...

Quotes For Today

"Believe in yourself, And believe that theres a loving Source-a Sower Of Dreams-just waiting to be be asked to help you make your dreams come true." Sarah Ban Breathnach

"Dreams grow holy, put in action" Adelaide Anne Proctor

"Intuition is a spiritual faculty, and does not explain but simply points the way" Florence Scovel Shinn

"Revelation is the marriage of knowing and feeling" Marya Mannes

"If we go down into ourselves we find that we possess exactly what we desire" Simone Weil

"Being grateful. That's the first step to the path of joy" Sarah Ban Breathnach

"Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest things on the earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth." Katherine Mansfield

Every Day

">

I like this. I love Stevie Nicks.

I Am

I Am Strong
I Am flawed
I am open minded
I am not perfect
I am willing to try
I am full of potential
I am not believing the hype
I am loved
I am gifted
I am fascinating
I am woman


My sister Vickie sent me a card with this on the frong of it. She always, somehow knows when I need an uplift, and here it was in my mail box today. Oh, before I forget it is on American greeting cards.

I Want To Know What Love Is

I couldn't find a Wynonna version of this song, but it was on my same CD. Foreigner wrote and sang the song first. I remember it when I was a kid. It hit me hard, like it did today.

I Will Be!

Lately, a looming black cloud's been around me. Things are a changing and a certain person, whom I care deeply for, has decided to do another disappearing act and blame me for it. While, driving to work this morning, I put in my Wynonna Cd, one of 4 CDS that was not stolen a few weeks ago, and this song came on. I love the words and it put a brightness into my soul that I needed. Thank you, Wynonna and whoever wrote these lyrics...

WYNONNA JUDD LYRICS

"I Will Be"

Been caught in a downpour of a rain of stones
Felt like an exile in the world I had known
So I sought the shelter of my own soul
And stayed inside

I found no comfort in placing blame
I saw the hope that lay just beyond the pain
The past is a prison and I won't wear those chains
And I won't hide, oh no

[Chorus]
I will be here
I will be strong
I'll face my fears
When the night is long
And still go on
I will be brave
I will be bold
Follow my faith
To a higher road
And I'm not there yet
But I will be

I could choose to keep my feet upon the beaten path
Never cross the open field for the one snake in the grass
But I'd rather risk my heart then never get the chance
To find my way, to find my way

[Repeat Chorus]

Music, Music, Music

Music produces a kind of pleasure which human nature cannot do without. –
Confucius, 551-479 B.C., Chinese Thinker and Social Philosopher

I will survive

I actually found the song....

Strong Enough

I like this song, it is happy, encouraging, like the Gloria Gaynor song "I Will Survive."

Neil Young - Heart of Gold

Neil YOung reminds me of my nephew Ric. He is only 3 years younger than I am. He used to listen to Neil Young and I would listen to Cass Elliot. I have some fond memories of Ric. When we were younger he and I would make cities for his toy cars, play fuse ball, ride our bikes around Longview, eat ice cream at the palor, play laser tag, and many other things. I remember when he was a baby, my first experience at the age of three holding a baby. He was my first baby. Vickie said, do you want to hold your baby? So, I did. He wasn't like baby dolls, he squirmed and cried. Strangly, he didn't cry while I was holding him, but he opened his eyes and looked at me and grabbed my finger, with his tiny hand. Our relationship is strand, a lot of crap has happened since we were children. Time, distance, and things that shouldn't have happened, did happen. I miss and I do love him.

Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence

Enough Said...

Mother Theresa

"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway."

~ Mother Teresa (1910-1997)

At The End Of The Road

Writing, it scares me. I am not that great in the English department. I do not do well in spelling, grammar, punctuation, and all those other critical important things that it takes to be a writer. For some odd reason, my inner voice is telling me, “Jamie, Write.” I am saying this to myself “What the hell am I suppose to write about?” Yes, to be frank, I’ve lived enough lives of several different people, switching, transcending, and changing that I have lived in several different worlds. Still, despite many setbacks, death experiences, and treacherous people, I survived it all. I’m not the only person, Vickie has too and I’m sure many others. I don’t feel done yet, “Wow that sounds like I’m being put on the grill like St. Thomas”.
I feel intimidated, because, if you read my blog, you know about my sister/friend Joy. She is a writer, and though she does encourage me, I still feel intimidated by her talent. I actually, feel intimidated by a lot of people and their talent. Vickie, with her love of cooking, nature, and organization, Amber with her artistic ability and her singing, Joy with her writing, Monte with his musical talent, and I could go on forever. I’m not going to.
I have been reading about writing, Joy’s suggestion, and the first is finding your inner voice. I don’t know where my inner voice went? I think, she is here somewhere among the crap. I’ve dug her up a couple of times, she is actually looking kind of pale and frail from not being exposed to her true potential.
So, like the song “Sober” by Kelly Clarkson “And I don't know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time” I am going to try this approach. No second guessing my inner voice, or comparing myself to other people in my life, and be open to whatever happens. I’m taking a chance on my talent, discovering what it is and how to rope it in and do something with it.
So, here I go. A new road, a new path, and maybe peace, tranquility, and hope can be found with current relationships and future ones, and most importantly with me.

Sunday Serenity #11

I found this while I was searching for something. As my family and some friends know, I'm not happy right now and I'm searching for some peace of mind. I saw this and it helped me for a brief moment. I just typed the word serenity into the youtube search engine and this is one of a couple of things I found.

Bouncing Off Of Clouds

This Sunday isn't easy for me to find something that brings me peace. I was looking forward to seeing her in concert in December with a good friend, Monte. That has been dashed, yet again, like it was for me two years ago. I gave it up, because well, we are fighting. It hurts a bit, because we've done this before. It is hard to accept the end of something, someone that I felt close to, liked, could talk to about anything, and now have him say it didn't mean anything to him at all, and have him basically say, I want to be just your acquaintance now, instead of a friend. I'm not sure anymore. He is feeling stressed, honestly, I do not believe I am the cause of all of his stress, maybe some of it, but not all of it as he has claimed. Something else is going on and he doesn't want to talk to me about it and he doesn't have to. i'm sorry that he is going through so much and things are changing. Isn't friendship about excepting the changes we are going through and letting each other go through them without the anger. I can't think about him or talk to him any longer. It isn't healthy for me and it will bring the tears that I am trying hard to hold back. I wish him lucky in his life, I hope he finds the peace and understanding that he wants and needs in his life. I will always love and care about him. That is all I know for now.

Sunday Serenity #10

the roaring of the ocean, the salty smell in the air, the gritty feeling of sand on your feet all brings peace to my soul. I haven't gone to the beach in awhile. I've always wanted to go spend the weekend at the coast, with no distractions, with no one, but my own thoughts. Someday I will do this.

I Can't Sleep, UGH!

1. If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?
I would be wondering how the heck that would have happened, since I just had my period and I haven't had sex in a long while.

2. Do you trust all of your friends?
Very few

3. How much money is in your wallet right now?
$20

4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yes

5. Name one thing you would NOT tolerate in a relationship.
abuse

6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
I can't imagine it.

7. Are you afraid of falling in love?
yes

8. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
different people at different times.

9. Would you stop talking to your friends because you hooked up with a new person?
I would try not to.

10. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
years ago.

11. What did the last text message you get say?
Yep

12. What feature do you find most attractive in the opposite sex?
personality and butt.

13. Fill in the blank. I love __?
CHEESE

14. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
doing my mandalas and more weight loss.

15. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call first?
vickie

16. How many kids do you want?
none

17. Would you make a good parent?
I hope so

18. Where was your default picture taken?
at home

19. Whats your middle name?
Jean

20. Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
writing, a certain someone, and my tarot reading.

21. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
just one little thing.

22. Shoe size?
10

23. What are you wearing right now?
jeans and a black shirt

24. Do you believe love is blind?
Yes

25. Can you make a dollar in change right now?
yes.

26. Best place to eat?
home

27. Describe your perfect date:
having someone come over, talking, drinking tea or coffee, and being kind to each other.

28. Favorite animal?
butterflies and dolphins

29. Favorite juice?
grape

30. Have you had the chicken pox?
yes.

31. Have you had a sore throat?
um, yes

32. Ever had plastic surgery?
no.

33. Who knows you the best?
me

34. Do you get along with your family?
for the most part.

35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
neither

36. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
no

38. Did you buy something today?
no.

39. Did you get sick today?
no

40. Do you miss someone today?
YES.

41. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
not today

42. When is the last time you had a message?
it's been awhile

43. Last person to lay in your bed?
me.

44. Last person to see you cry?
me

45. What made you cry?
I'd rather not say

46. What was the last TV show you watched?
I'm watching Leave It to Beaver reruns. lol I felt like being in the land of make believe where families were loving.

47. What are your plans for the weekend?
well, since it is Sunday, I'm doing a few things before I go to work tonight.

48. Who do you think will repost this?
no one.

49. Are you happy?
getting there. I hope i'm not deceiving myself.

50. Could you be happier? What would it take?
a million dollars, 70 more pounds off of me, and peace and happiness in all relationships.

Visionary

Butterfly Thoughts

These pictures of butterflies were taken by my sister Vickie. She sent them to me today, I love butterflies. She lives in Alabama and they are everywhere in her garden.
The reason today, they seem so poignant is that I am going through a change myself, the catalyst that I've been in for so long is coming off. I am in a new and fuzzy place in my life right now. I'm still confused, unsure, and unstable about the path I am suppose to take, but I feel it will be revealed to me when I am truly ready. I'm tired of making plans, only to let myself down, and let other people discourage, critize, or be rude to me, as well. I don't know why it is difficult for me to stick to something, once I have made up my mind. I feel threatened, major self doubt, and all these thoughts roam through my head. It is like these dual thoughts that contradict each other constantly. Like I wrote on my Sunday Serenity, I am in a project that I want to finish and learn from. It is called Mandala, it is used for meditation and emotional healling. That is what I need. The time has come to either step up the plate or get off. So, I am stepping up, it is time. I built myself an altar, which, is a new concept and experience for me. It is an oak table, I have three candles on it, green, white, and blue and a figurine of mother Mary, and of course my intentions for my journey. I've done 3 Exercises so far, I have found some peace in them, but I also feel uncomfortable, well mainly, because of the newness of this spiritual experience. I was brought up into Christian fundamentalist religion, and all this self love and taking care of you, is considered a sin or of the devil. My sister Joy has found some freedom in expressing and illuminating some of these false ideas and concepts from her spirit. Though, she too still struggles. Though, my other sister Vickie struggles as well. Vickie is my half sister and Joy is my foster sister. My real mother passed away when I was 13, I went and lived with the Coons, who took me in. Though, they professed me as their daughter, I never actually and still don't feel as I am. It is the actions and the words that they use when they are around me. Joy, is actually the only one who I consider to be a real friend in that clan. I feel uncomfortable around the others, it is because I can't express or be myself around them at all. I loved Richard, and while he was going through the dying stage of his life, he became real and less reserved. I realize from my experience of watching people die, they realize what the true meaning of life is, and what actually is truly important in life. Richard did possess that quality. I do miss him. I actually miss the illusion that I had of being apart of a family, it was killed off by some rude comments that have been made and it hurt me to the core. Somehow, in the process that I've gone through, I have waken up to how many rude, cruel, comments have been made about me or about the things going on in my life. I grinned and bare the brutal, stinging force the words and actions have caused me. What I would say to these people now and next time I am in that position is this: "Once you have walked in my shoes, seen what I have seen, gone through what my experiences have been, then you can make decisions, comments, and judgements. Until then, you have no right, just like I have no right to dictate these things to you." I'm in a rebellous mood, can you tell?

My Dad

It is hard for me to believe that I haven't spoken to my dad in two years. His passing was one of the difficult things that I went through on my journey. He passed away two years ago, today. He is greatly missed.

Sunday Serenity #8

This Sunday, I decided to build my altar. I bought a book kit yesterday at Ross called “The Mandala Healing Kit” by Judith Cornell, PH.D. I read the introduction, and it recommended building a sacred altar for yourself. I am doing just that. I bought some candles, colors, green, white, and blue. Tonight, when I get home from work, I hope to hold my blessings for the altar and for me. Cornell, suggested that your write your intentions and keep it on your altar while you are doing the exercises. I write them down last night, and I am going through this process for inner peace and harmony and other things that are on my list. They are private and I don’t feel I should share them. A lot of personal conflicts and struggles are happening, once again. I don’t feel like going in the same circle and I must change something. I tell one person my intentions, I have to keep it for myself and I must let go of everything that was my past. It is a difficult process, but I feel in my heart it must be done. I do have some blessings and hope of the accomplishments that I have made in my life. I have a job that I enjoy, with a wonderful older lady. I do have a couple of girlfriends that I feel blessed are in my life. I have two older sisters who understand this journey that I want to explore and not holding me to beliefs that I do not share or hold dear any longer. I have to make peace with myself first, before I can actually do it with the ones that I feel are meant to be apart of my life. Anyway, I am most interested in hearing about other peoples altars, what makes them sacred and serene for them. This is a new experience for me, and it kind of feels strange, since the religion that I grew up in forbade it as evil.

Inspirational Art

Tonight, I decided to browse the internet, looking at different blogs, websites that I haven't been to in a long time. That is where Marcia Snedecor's art gave me light to my dark night. I'm in a another transition in my life, looking for the answers that I am seeking. And I am hoping that I will someday soon purchase one of her exquiste art pieces. I hope you enjoy it, as much, as I did.

Peace, Love, Joy, and Inspiration...

My first full week of work ended last Saturday. I like my new job, Edna is a wonderful, wise lady. I met her son, grandson and his wife, and it is nice to work with a family who clearly loves their mother and grandmother so. Life is full of interesting things that seem to happen in ones life. I discovered a secret about myself and also about some of the people in my life. Life changes, sometimes we are ready, sometimes we are not. I don’t know why, today, I am feeling full of wisdom, insight, and wonder at the many things that are happening around me. My friend, who has been a playboy, since I met him three years ago, found the one that he wants to marry. He told me on Friday. I am so happy for him, I am also a bit sad, because that means our relationship is going to change, but that is clouded by the happiness and pride I am taking in him and the new found changes he is making in his life. I am going to miss our late night talks and the time we spent together. Yet, I am also happy for him too. Cassandra is a wonderful woman. I hope with all my heart that this time it works out how he wants it to. I saw him today, we had one of our deep, inspirational talks, it helped in a lot of ways and I hoped it helped him too. It helped me to say goodbye to the old friendship that we had, and hello to the new one we are going to build. Hello, to the new phase in my life as well. I don’t feel compelled to help anyone, but me. It is a strange feeling, I’m used to being the caretaker, the encourager, but now, I don’t feel that dragging on me. It is a peaceful feeling. It helped to hear that I am important to him, that I matter to him, that I am a good and close friend to him. It helped knowing this and also seeing his face when he told me, he was happy with our conversation, because I am not being negative, insulting, or critical of this girl or him either, not like the ones in the pass. Well, if you knew them, you’d understand why. I am proud of him, I am proud of the growth that he is making in his life, and I am also proud of me. I am making clear cut changes, though the pruning is difficult, it is necessary for me to grow as a woman, friend, sister, aunt, and mostly for my own sake. I want more than a so, so existence. I deserve it, I want it, I crave it, and most of all, I’m striving for it. It has been three years, when the death of my life began. Now, I am seeing the green growth of my life, in my body, mind, soul, and spirit. My sister Vickie is coming the first week in November, I’m so looking forward to that visit. I’m excited, because, well, I haven’t seen her in awhile, not only that. I want her to see the woman that I am now, not the one I was in 2002, when she saw me in my environment. I admire, Vickie so much, she is a wise woman, helped me out of my mental anguish, because she has lived the life that I lived. She is so much happier, healthier than she was before. I am proud of her too. I, actually, have a couple of awesome women in my life, who have gone before me. I also have a couple of awesome friends in my life too. Monte is one of them. I am sending him blessings and Cassandra too. I am also sending blessings to Vickie, Joy, Carri, Amber Dawn, Amber May, and my friend Christina. I wish them happiness, love, joy, and peace that lasts…

Butterfly

I saw this video, while browsing. I love butterflies. They are graceful, beautiful, and peaceful creatures.

Sunday Serenity #8

This is one of my favorite Tori Amos songs, it is called liquid diamonds. My favorite part is the chorus that says: "I guess I'm an underwater thing so I
Guess I can't take it personally
I guess I'm an underwater thing I'm
Liquid running
There's a sea secret in me
It's plain to see it is rising
But I must be flowing liquid diamonds
Calling for my soul
At the corners of the world
I know she's playing poker with the rest of the stragglers" Solitude is a great thing, calling for yourself from all the corners of your mind, freeing yourself from the bondage of the negative doubts about the life that is around you. I got my music stolen, all my Tori Amos CDS are gone, and so is the necklace that my dad gave me when he went to Romania. There are a lot of changes, maybe that is exactly what true serenity, accepting the changes, obstacles, and negative things and still being happy and willing to still live, despite the shit in life.

Rules For Being Human

I got this in an email tonight, it is where I am at, this moment in time.

"RULES FOR BEING HUMAN":
RULE #1: You will learn lessons.
RULE #2: There are no mistakes--only lessons.
RULE #3: A lesson is repeated until it is learned.
RULE #4: If you don't learn the easy lessons, they get harder.
RULE #5: You'll know you've learned a lesson when your actions change.

-John C. Maxwell

Favorite Bands A To Z

Favorite Bands From A To Z:

A: Tori Amos
B: Pat Benetar
C: Chicago
D: Danzig
E: Eagles
F: Foo Fighters
G: Go Go’s
H: Heart
I: Janis Ian
J: Journey
K: The Killers
L: Lynyrd Skynyrd
M: Madonna
N: Nirvana
O: Olivia
P: Poison
Q: Queen
R: Ratt
S: Donna Summer
T: Thin Lizzy
U: Keith Urban
V: Sarah Vaughn
W: Weezer
X: ?
Y: Yes
Z: Z Z Top

Radiant Affirmation

I got this affirmation from my Goddess newsletter that I received. Here is the address if you are interested. goddess.com.au The reason this affirmation spoke to my spirit, I needed joy, love, and peace in my existence. It disappeared into the shadows of darkness and I am hoping saying this to myself will increase the flow of energy to maintain and keep my spirit growing. I have made some plans, decisions, and things seem to be progressing in my life. I love my job, Edna is a joy to work with and I feel like I can offer service. Things are growing and progressing, there is one thing on my mind that I am hoping will grow and become stronger, as well. I hope my dreams and desires come true.

~ I radiate love
~ I shine with joy
~ My smile comes easily
~ My peace is shared peace
~ I choose joy over sorrow
~ Hard times make me stronger
~ I blossom in response to adversity
~ I have great joy, and therefore great energy

Quote Of The Day!

The road to a friend's house is never long. – Danish Proverb


I got this quote in an email and I liked it. It is true, friends are awesome. The few close ones I have, I am so grateful for.

Cribbage And Other New Experiences

I had my first night of work, it went well. I played two hands of Cribbage with Edna tonight. It brought back old memories of playing with my dad and Uncle Don when we went camping with them in Idaho, after my junior year in high school. I quickly renewed my game playing skills and Edna enjoyed herself. This job is going to be easy and I can tell that we are going to get along. After work, I drove to Longview and visited with my old friend Amber. My other friend Amber, who was going to meet up with us, got called into graveyard duty. She is a Sheriff for Vancouver Washington. So, it was just me and Amber, we had a heart to heart talk, I told her about my plans with our mutual friend Monte, the month break that I feel I need to take for me, and she agreed. She is having problems of her own in her live in relationship and we were able to talk and even giggled a few times. It was a happy event. We went to Denny’s and ate nachos and drank cokes like we use to in high school, except it wasn’t Toppers. I am extremely tired, since it is almost 2 in the morning here in the North West, so, goodnight and sweet dreams everyone.

Sunday Serenity #7

To be honest, I truthfully don’t know what brings me serenity. Serenity means: being calm, untroubled, and cloudless in your mind and spirit. I have never really felt serene, at least right now, it is hard for to imagine what that feels like. All I know at this moment that I must get to that point in my life. I am lifting my hands up in the air, trying a new approach to my life and seeing what happens, going down a different path. I have to, if I don’t, I will drive myself crazy and not truly reach a transformation that I know I must make. I am getting ready to take a hot bath, listen to some Tori Amos (I know I enjoy her music) and listen to my soul, heart, and thoughts, without getting obsessive about what is going wrong and that feeling of helplessness. When I was so much younger, I was able to say “oh well, that is life”, now at 33, it is difficult for me to say that. Life does change, I’m releasing myself from the bondage of my negative thoughts and actions, that ultimately destroys me and going down a new path.

Inner Wisdom Of Jamie

A lot of different things have been happening in the last few months. I have stopped writing on my blog and I’ve stopped virtually being myself. I am not liking this part of me. The definition of insanity is doing something over and over expecting a different result. Starting today, this month, I am withdrawing and concentrating on my inner and physical health, which is in jeopardy. I have always said that I wanted to do this, truthfully, I have never done it. I need to listen to my inner core voice and be the wonderful woman that I know I am. I have gone through many changes in the past three years and I know that I need to do some more changing. To my friends and family, if I am not contacting you or calling you as much as I normally do, don’t take offense to it. I love you, I am just taking a sabbatical and listening to Jamie and the secrets of her heart and taking care of me.
On a chipper note, I got a new job. I am starting it tonight. I am excited and nervous and after work tonight me and my two Ambers are getting together and having a semi girls night out. I am looking forward to it. A lot of people that I haven’t talked to in a long time are coming out of the woodwork. The one friend, who I have based my life on, in part, is doing what he normally does, disappearing and being himself, and I’m not taking it personally, I am taking it as an opportunity for me to grow as a woman, friend, and family member in my life. He is still loved and cared about. I am listening to the inner wisdom of Jamie, thinking mindfully and doing what I feel is best. He needs time, so do I. I wish him happiness and normally, I would think we weren’t friends anymore, but not this time. We are, and he is valued and loved by me and I am hoping that it is the same on his side and I am trusting that our friendship bond is strong and capable of dealing with this same issue again and that the insanity of me thinking negative thoughts will stop, I’m trying a different approach than I normally do. Normally, I would hunt him down and make him talk to me, but that has always caused problems. Frankly, I am tired of discussing our issues and I don’t want to think about it any longer and neither does he. He knows I am here for him anytime and in some part I think he is there for me too. I am sending Monte blessings and contentment in his life at this moment, as, I am sending to everyone that I know in my entire life. I think I am finally growing up…

Sober

Kelly Clarkson Lyrics

Main Jane, Oh My...

This took me by surprise in a way, but oh well, I guess it can be true...

Which PLAIN Jane Are You? Main Jane

As the leader of the pack, you are always looking out for your friends and working to make your group pretty tight knit.

Take This Quiz More Quizzes

Wild Hogs

I just watched this movie tonight. I laughed so hard. I connected to all the charachters, my favorite charachter was Dudley played by W.H. Macy, because well he is a Klutz and just a loveable charachter. All the charachters were loveable and awesome. And the ending was awesome... I recommend anyone to watch this movie and have the best night of laughter ever...

I'm So Excited

I'm going to see Tori Amos in concert on December 4th, 2007 at the Arlene Schnetzer Theatre in Portland Oregon. My friend bought me a ticket to see her. This is one of my favorite songs that she has written. I'm looking forward to this performance. I enjoy her music a lot, she is a deep thinker, passionate writer, singer, and piano player. I like her religious symbolisms in her songs and the way she thinks too.

PIZZA

What Your Pizza Reveals

Your appetite is pretty average. You don't go overboard - but you don't deprive yourself either. You consider pizza to be bread... very good bread. You fit in best in the Midwest part of the US. Your taste in food tends to favor what's rich and comforting. You prefer food that will definitely satisfy you. You are generous, outgoing, and considerate with your choices. You are cultured and intellectual. You should consider traveling to Vienna. The stereotype that best fits you is upper class preppy. You don't anything too ordinary or vulgar.

What Does Your Pizza Say About You?

Situation Sunday

Situation #1
You are all alone on a deserted road, far from home. Say 20 miles from home- you see a zombie. What do you do?

Run, as far as I can possibly go, until I can find a place where I can get some fire, so I can light him on fire. If I remember correctly they don't like fire.

Situation #2
You are out shopping in a mall. You have purchased numerous items through-out the whole day. You have bags of purchases. In one store you are accused of stealing merchandise. Hunt as you may you can not locate a sales receipt for the purchase.....you are about to be arrested. What do you do.

I would say, prove that I stole the items from these stores, they have to prove that I stole them with witness' and survelliance videos. Then put my bags down and dump my purse out and find those receipts too.

Situation #3
You are swimming out in the ocean. You are about a mile from the shore. All those in your group are on the beach playing volley ball. You notice dorsal fins between you and the beach. No life guard is present. Scream and you might call attention by the wrong thing.....What do you do.

first of all, I wouldn't be swimming a mile out into the ocean, but if I was, I'd probably try to swim towards the shores in the opposite direction of the fins. And always keep my eyes on those fins as I was doing so.

Sunday Serenity #6

Something that brings me serenity, Is when I cook for someone else. Making them a meal, that I fashioned with my own hands gives me a chance to show someone that I love them. Not only that, the feel of the knife in my hands while I am chopping, I don’t know the rhythm, the action, the whole shebang just calms me. The process of cooking, working in the kitchen, cleaning up, and having a rewarding meal is what brings me peace of mind.

Survey Time Again

A N S W E R - T R U T H F U L L Y

1. Do you like anyone?: Yes, I like my family and friends
2. Do they know it? Yes, everyone knows that I love them.
3. Simple or complicated? Both, at different times.


IN - T H E - L A S T - M O N T H - H A V E - Y O U

4. Had sex:: Nope
5. Bought something: Yes, groceries...
6. Gotten sick?: Yes, I had a brief cold that last two days.
7. Been hugged?: Yep
8. Felt stupid?: Yep
9. Talked to an ex: Nope
10. Missed someone: yes, I miss several people in my life. Vickie, Rick, Joy
11. Failed a test: nope
13. Danced: Yes
14. Gotten your hair cut?: Nope, I"m trying to grow it out.
15. Lied: No


U N I Q U E

16. Nervous habits?: bitting my nails, sticking food in my mouth.
17. Are you double jointed?: I don't think I am.
18. Can you roll your tongue?: Yes
19. Can you raise one eyebrow?: No
20. Can you cross your eyes?: Yes
21. Do you make your bed daily?: I'm learning new habits, so I'm trying to.
22. Do you think you are unique?: Not anymore so, than the next guy or girl.


H A V E - Y O U - E V E R'S

23. Said "I Love you": Yes, I only say it when I mean it.
24. Given money to a homeless person: Yes, I have.
25. Smoked: I tried it once, I thought it was stupid, so I proceeded to destroy my moms cigarettes. I got the beating of my life because of that.
26. Waited all night for a phone call?: yes
27. Snuck out?: Yes
28. Sat and looked at the stars?: Yes


M A N N E R S

29. Do you swear/curse?: Yes
30. Do you ever spit?: Not on purpose
31. You cook your own food?: Yeppers
32. You do your own chores?: Yeppers
33. You like beef jerky?: Yes
35. You're happy with your life?: I'm actually getting there. Things are looking up for me.
36. You own a dog?: No
37. You spend your money wisely?: No, but I am aiming to do so.
38. Do you like to swim?: yes
39. When you get bored do you call a friend: Yeah


D O - Y O U - P R E F E R'S

41. Flowers or angels?: Flowers
42. Gray or black?: Both
43. Color or black and white photos?: Both
44. Lust or love?: love!
45. Sunrise or sunset?: Both
46. M&Ms or Skittles?: M&M's
48. Staying up late or waking up early?: Both at different times
49. Being hot or cold?: cold
50. Winter or Fall?: fall
51. Left or right?: I'm right handed
52. Having 10 acquaintances or 2 best friends?: 2 best friends
53. Sunshine or rain?: Both


MORE HAVE YOU EVERS;

Sleep in a bed of the opposite sex?: Yes
Hooked up in the woods?: no.
Drank a bottle of alcohol by yourself?: Yes
Hooked up in the shower?: No
Been Dumped?: Yes
Stolen money from a friend?: no
Slept naked?: yes
Been in a fist fight?: yes
Snuck out of your house?: yes
Had a crush on a teacher? yes, mr. bloom
Seen someone die? Yes
Been on an airplane? yes
Slept all day?: yes
Missed someone so much it hurt?: yes
Fallen asleep during school? yes
Been lonely?: yes
Cheated in a game?: No
Been to the ER?: yes
Been in a car accident?: yes
Had detention?: yes
Missed your first love?: No
Cried yourself to sleep?: yes
Sung in the shower?: yes
Kissed a complete stranger? i knew his name.
Laughed so hard you cried?: yes
Cheated on a bf/gf?: never
Regretted hurting someone?: yes
Regretted loving someone?: yes
Been SUPER happy?: yes

My Life In Pictures

I thought I would post a blog of some pictures that I took before my camera decided to break down... I loved my camera, I spent good money on it, and now it is gone... I had fun taking all sorts of pictures with it, it brought out my creative side... I had to borrow money when I was having a predicament, and so I gave this camera for colleteral, and I just got it back two months ago, and not long after I got it back, the pictures started having lines go through it and just acting up. Now it is fully gone, dead to be exact. It will cost more to fix it then what the camera orginally cost me, so I just threw it away. I will someday get me another one... Enjoy the pictures...

Me...After losing 100 pounds, I still have more to go...


Letty, Amber Dawn, and Me in highschool. Amber sent this to me, so it was odd seeing myself so young again...


Amber May and I, seeing each other after not for 12 years. She was the first friend that I made when I moved to Longview Washington when I was 13... She is awesome. She made me feel good about myself, when she made the comment, still the same old blunt Jamie. she is a wonderful friend and I'm glad we reconnected... She is a sheriff in Vancouver, so we can see each other more often.



Amber, her sisters, and Me



Monte and I


All my Amber's. I knew two of them from highschool, the third one I met and they are all just awesome...


Amber and I


Pretty flowers



Impatients



My Tomotoe Plant



The clouds of a beautiful evening in Vancouver


A Rose from the yard of my apartments.

My Season

You Are Fall!

You Are Fall! Thoughtful Expressive Creative Poetic Smart What Season Woman Are You? Thoughtful Expressive Creative Poetic Smart

What Season Woman Are You?

Mean Dreads

I’ve been a funk for awhile, something needs to change. Like the line in Breakfast In Tiffany’s where Holly is talking about the mean dreads, it Isn’t exactly depression, it is something and you don’t know why you’re feeling the way you are. So, she goes to Tiffany’s where they disappear. I need to find something like that for me. Come to find out today, my good friend Amber is in the same spirit. We don’t know exactly, why, it could be an accumulation of a lot of things, for us both. A week ago, we both signed contracts with ourselves with 5 goals we want to accomplish in 3 months. I have started mine and hopefully soon those dreads will go away…

Love Is Based On

It is funny how accurate this blogquiz is.

Your Love is Based on Friendship

For you, chemistry doesn't really happen without compatibility. Companionship and openness are the most important parts of your relationships. Whoever you love should be your best friend. And falling in love with a good friend is never out of the question. Why your love can last: You only fall for people who you truly understand... and who truly understand you Why your love can fail: Sometimes you don't admit how important physical chemistry is to you

What Is Your Love Based On?

Tell Tale Heart

I found this cool animation of the Edgar Allan Poe poem. I liked this poem, it was scary. Enjoy.

Your Armor

I've been posting a lot of YouTube videos today. LOL I enjoy Charlotte Martin a lot too, I love this song too.

Bouncing Off Clouds

Bouncing off of clouds is off of Toris' new CD, American Girl Posse. I love the CD, it is awesome, several great songs.

Crucify

I have loved this song every since the first time I heard it, 3 years ago from an old friend. I love the imagery of her words, religious symbolism, and her fight for herself in the song. I never new their was a video, but the video is just awesome.
Here are the lyrics:
Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then i get affraid what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what god needs
One more victim


Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day i crucify myself
Nothing i do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day i crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains


Got a kick for a dog beggin' for love
I gotta have my suffering
So that i can have my cross
I know a cat named easter
He says will you ever learn
You're just an empty cage girl if you kill the brid


I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
My own religion


Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day i crucify myself
Nothing i do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day i crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains


Please be
Save me
I cry


Looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Where are those angels
When you need them


Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day i crucify myself
Nothing i do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day i crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains


Why do we change
Crucify ourselves
Everyday


Never going back again
Crucify myself again
You know
Never going back again to
Crucify myself
Everyday

Sweet Sacrifice

I really like this song a lot. Now that I have cable internet, I now can watch Youtube and I found this video.

Rambling Update

It's almost 4 AM, Friday morning. I haven't been on in a long time, a few weeks to be exact, I've worried a couple of my on-line buds. Here is an update on my life. I am definately loving my new found freedom in my maroon Toyota Camry. It is a dream, at least to me it is. I only had one repair that I had to get done on it, the starter went out on it, luckily had the right amount left in order to get it fixed. I didn't have a car for a few days, so it sucked. I dyed my hair brown black, which is darker. I'll post pictures to show, I like it a lot better. It makes my eyes pop out. I was nervous having my friend Amber dye my hair, because of the disaster that happened with an old aquaintance of mine. I'm glad I did it and it looks wonderful. My fourth was great. I came down to Longview to see my mom, and I spent the fourth at my cousin Marsha's, who is a fabulous host. I saw Jeremy and his girlfriend Mary and their 4 children, Casey and his girlfriends. And when Carri, Levi, and I walked to the lake we rain into my other nephew Rick and his Wife Jessica, they sat with us. It was a good 15 minutes of fireworks, the best part to me was my family though, the fireworks was not that spactacular to me. I"m not a holiday person, never have been. My family never really celebrated them or made them special, so I don't feel like I"m missing much when I don't celebrate or do anything. I'm happy that others are happy, but that is about it. I'm experiencing some new things with my friendship with Monte, he has a new lady friend, and it is an interesting experience. One I have to learn some more things from and test some of my theories about him. I want to believe was he says about him and I. I don't think I'm going to lose our bond of friendship, it is being tested again. I"m hoping to be back up on the internet soon, in the next couple of weeks. I'm at my friend Ambers. I am driving to Seattle with her and her sister to pick up her boyfriend Mark, who is coming in on a ferry from Canada. I have never met him, but I have heard some good things about him.

Sunday Serenity #5

What brings me serenity is gaining order in my life. I gained order, by obtaining a car, which is essential for me to keep my freedom. I rearranged my living room this evening, tearing down some old furniture that was not serving me well, hooking up new speakers, and I like the placement a lot better. Serenity isn’t just inside of us, but is in our homes, cars, and the places that are around us. If I want peace, I have to make my environment organized, peaceful, and happy, not for company but for my own comfort and enjoyment. I bought some scents to enjoy in my own, and other things that will bring a sense of serenity, peace, and a well balanced life for me. Learning to make notes to keep me mindful of what needs to get done, listening to the people, who truly are my loved ones is also essential for me too,even when I don't like what they are saying.

Odd Ball

Mr. Man, my friend Montes' cat. Isn't he cute? Though, he has nothing to do what I am writing about, I felt the need to include him. He used to be my cat, but I gave him to Monte and now Monte and him are partners for life. LOL




I am feeling rested now, this morning at 5 AM I drove Carissa and Amber up to Seattle, so that Carissa can meet the ferry to take her to Victoria to see her boyfriend. It was a good trip good laughs, great music, and pretty scenery, well not until the sun light came across the sky. On the way home was not so good. Rain, rain, rain, pouring down from the sky made it hard to see, but it was still a great trip. The last 20 miles home I had a hard time keeping my eyes open. Monte kept me awake on the phone until I got home and then I went straight to bed. Sleep felt good, I didn’t sleep well, because the combination of being on a couch and in a strange house that was not my own. I feel much better, thank God. I bought some speakers that were better than my old ones for $40 and I am looking forward to hooking them up tonight, now that I am feeling awake. LOL I have some big plans, and though last night I was feeling unsure of things, it is funny how the light of day can bring some perspective on things. I had a good talk with Amber on the way back home this morning, she is going through some major changes herself, the unknown is a frightening place, but we can’t stand still waiting for things to happen, we have to keep moving on and be the strong capable people we are. I’ve been questioning myself, repeating patterns that are not serving me well, giving up on myself, my perspective, beliefs, and I don’t want that bull in my life. Hibernating myself away from the world is not going to solve my problems or keep me safe, I have some plans. My big sister Vickie wants to purchase an apartment 4 or 8 plex here in Vancouver where I live and have me manage it with her. That would be a cool investment opportunity for me, and I’m going to do it. So, I’ll be searching out some possibilities in that area. Second, I’m going to continue to lose the weight that I so desperately want to lose and keep on going down that path. I just bought Bob Greens’ new book, “The Best Life Diet” and I also got the companion book to keep track of your progress. I am looking forward to reading it, and I am also looking forward to reading Wynonna Judds’ biography, I read her moms, but Wynonna is a fascinating woman in my eyes, so is Ashley. Actually, all three are awesome.