Quotes For Today

"Believe in yourself, And believe that theres a loving Source-a Sower Of Dreams-just waiting to be be asked to help you make your dreams come true." Sarah Ban Breathnach

"Dreams grow holy, put in action" Adelaide Anne Proctor

"Intuition is a spiritual faculty, and does not explain but simply points the way" Florence Scovel Shinn

"Revelation is the marriage of knowing and feeling" Marya Mannes

"If we go down into ourselves we find that we possess exactly what we desire" Simone Weil

"Being grateful. That's the first step to the path of joy" Sarah Ban Breathnach

"Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest things on the earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth." Katherine Mansfield

Every Day

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I like this. I love Stevie Nicks.

I Am

I Am Strong
I Am flawed
I am open minded
I am not perfect
I am willing to try
I am full of potential
I am not believing the hype
I am loved
I am gifted
I am fascinating
I am woman


My sister Vickie sent me a card with this on the frong of it. She always, somehow knows when I need an uplift, and here it was in my mail box today. Oh, before I forget it is on American greeting cards.

I Want To Know What Love Is

I couldn't find a Wynonna version of this song, but it was on my same CD. Foreigner wrote and sang the song first. I remember it when I was a kid. It hit me hard, like it did today.

I Will Be!

Lately, a looming black cloud's been around me. Things are a changing and a certain person, whom I care deeply for, has decided to do another disappearing act and blame me for it. While, driving to work this morning, I put in my Wynonna Cd, one of 4 CDS that was not stolen a few weeks ago, and this song came on. I love the words and it put a brightness into my soul that I needed. Thank you, Wynonna and whoever wrote these lyrics...

WYNONNA JUDD LYRICS

"I Will Be"

Been caught in a downpour of a rain of stones
Felt like an exile in the world I had known
So I sought the shelter of my own soul
And stayed inside

I found no comfort in placing blame
I saw the hope that lay just beyond the pain
The past is a prison and I won't wear those chains
And I won't hide, oh no

[Chorus]
I will be here
I will be strong
I'll face my fears
When the night is long
And still go on
I will be brave
I will be bold
Follow my faith
To a higher road
And I'm not there yet
But I will be

I could choose to keep my feet upon the beaten path
Never cross the open field for the one snake in the grass
But I'd rather risk my heart then never get the chance
To find my way, to find my way

[Repeat Chorus]

Music, Music, Music

Music produces a kind of pleasure which human nature cannot do without. –
Confucius, 551-479 B.C., Chinese Thinker and Social Philosopher

I will survive

I actually found the song....

Strong Enough

I like this song, it is happy, encouraging, like the Gloria Gaynor song "I Will Survive."

Neil Young - Heart of Gold

Neil YOung reminds me of my nephew Ric. He is only 3 years younger than I am. He used to listen to Neil Young and I would listen to Cass Elliot. I have some fond memories of Ric. When we were younger he and I would make cities for his toy cars, play fuse ball, ride our bikes around Longview, eat ice cream at the palor, play laser tag, and many other things. I remember when he was a baby, my first experience at the age of three holding a baby. He was my first baby. Vickie said, do you want to hold your baby? So, I did. He wasn't like baby dolls, he squirmed and cried. Strangly, he didn't cry while I was holding him, but he opened his eyes and looked at me and grabbed my finger, with his tiny hand. Our relationship is strand, a lot of crap has happened since we were children. Time, distance, and things that shouldn't have happened, did happen. I miss and I do love him.

Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence

Enough Said...

Mother Theresa

"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway."

~ Mother Teresa (1910-1997)

At The End Of The Road

Writing, it scares me. I am not that great in the English department. I do not do well in spelling, grammar, punctuation, and all those other critical important things that it takes to be a writer. For some odd reason, my inner voice is telling me, “Jamie, Write.” I am saying this to myself “What the hell am I suppose to write about?” Yes, to be frank, I’ve lived enough lives of several different people, switching, transcending, and changing that I have lived in several different worlds. Still, despite many setbacks, death experiences, and treacherous people, I survived it all. I’m not the only person, Vickie has too and I’m sure many others. I don’t feel done yet, “Wow that sounds like I’m being put on the grill like St. Thomas”.
I feel intimidated, because, if you read my blog, you know about my sister/friend Joy. She is a writer, and though she does encourage me, I still feel intimidated by her talent. I actually, feel intimidated by a lot of people and their talent. Vickie, with her love of cooking, nature, and organization, Amber with her artistic ability and her singing, Joy with her writing, Monte with his musical talent, and I could go on forever. I’m not going to.
I have been reading about writing, Joy’s suggestion, and the first is finding your inner voice. I don’t know where my inner voice went? I think, she is here somewhere among the crap. I’ve dug her up a couple of times, she is actually looking kind of pale and frail from not being exposed to her true potential.
So, like the song “Sober” by Kelly Clarkson “And I don't know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time” I am going to try this approach. No second guessing my inner voice, or comparing myself to other people in my life, and be open to whatever happens. I’m taking a chance on my talent, discovering what it is and how to rope it in and do something with it.
So, here I go. A new road, a new path, and maybe peace, tranquility, and hope can be found with current relationships and future ones, and most importantly with me.

Sunday Serenity #11

I found this while I was searching for something. As my family and some friends know, I'm not happy right now and I'm searching for some peace of mind. I saw this and it helped me for a brief moment. I just typed the word serenity into the youtube search engine and this is one of a couple of things I found.

Bouncing Off Of Clouds

This Sunday isn't easy for me to find something that brings me peace. I was looking forward to seeing her in concert in December with a good friend, Monte. That has been dashed, yet again, like it was for me two years ago. I gave it up, because well, we are fighting. It hurts a bit, because we've done this before. It is hard to accept the end of something, someone that I felt close to, liked, could talk to about anything, and now have him say it didn't mean anything to him at all, and have him basically say, I want to be just your acquaintance now, instead of a friend. I'm not sure anymore. He is feeling stressed, honestly, I do not believe I am the cause of all of his stress, maybe some of it, but not all of it as he has claimed. Something else is going on and he doesn't want to talk to me about it and he doesn't have to. i'm sorry that he is going through so much and things are changing. Isn't friendship about excepting the changes we are going through and letting each other go through them without the anger. I can't think about him or talk to him any longer. It isn't healthy for me and it will bring the tears that I am trying hard to hold back. I wish him lucky in his life, I hope he finds the peace and understanding that he wants and needs in his life. I will always love and care about him. That is all I know for now.

Sunday Serenity #10

the roaring of the ocean, the salty smell in the air, the gritty feeling of sand on your feet all brings peace to my soul. I haven't gone to the beach in awhile. I've always wanted to go spend the weekend at the coast, with no distractions, with no one, but my own thoughts. Someday I will do this.

I Can't Sleep, UGH!

1. If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?
I would be wondering how the heck that would have happened, since I just had my period and I haven't had sex in a long while.

2. Do you trust all of your friends?
Very few

3. How much money is in your wallet right now?
$20

4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yes

5. Name one thing you would NOT tolerate in a relationship.
abuse

6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
I can't imagine it.

7. Are you afraid of falling in love?
yes

8. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
different people at different times.

9. Would you stop talking to your friends because you hooked up with a new person?
I would try not to.

10. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
years ago.

11. What did the last text message you get say?
Yep

12. What feature do you find most attractive in the opposite sex?
personality and butt.

13. Fill in the blank. I love __?
CHEESE

14. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
doing my mandalas and more weight loss.

15. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call first?
vickie

16. How many kids do you want?
none

17. Would you make a good parent?
I hope so

18. Where was your default picture taken?
at home

19. Whats your middle name?
Jean

20. Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
writing, a certain someone, and my tarot reading.

21. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
just one little thing.

22. Shoe size?
10

23. What are you wearing right now?
jeans and a black shirt

24. Do you believe love is blind?
Yes

25. Can you make a dollar in change right now?
yes.

26. Best place to eat?
home

27. Describe your perfect date:
having someone come over, talking, drinking tea or coffee, and being kind to each other.

28. Favorite animal?
butterflies and dolphins

29. Favorite juice?
grape

30. Have you had the chicken pox?
yes.

31. Have you had a sore throat?
um, yes

32. Ever had plastic surgery?
no.

33. Who knows you the best?
me

34. Do you get along with your family?
for the most part.

35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
neither

36. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
no

38. Did you buy something today?
no.

39. Did you get sick today?
no

40. Do you miss someone today?
YES.

41. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
not today

42. When is the last time you had a message?
it's been awhile

43. Last person to lay in your bed?
me.

44. Last person to see you cry?
me

45. What made you cry?
I'd rather not say

46. What was the last TV show you watched?
I'm watching Leave It to Beaver reruns. lol I felt like being in the land of make believe where families were loving.

47. What are your plans for the weekend?
well, since it is Sunday, I'm doing a few things before I go to work tonight.

48. Who do you think will repost this?
no one.

49. Are you happy?
getting there. I hope i'm not deceiving myself.

50. Could you be happier? What would it take?
a million dollars, 70 more pounds off of me, and peace and happiness in all relationships.

Visionary

Butterfly Thoughts

These pictures of butterflies were taken by my sister Vickie. She sent them to me today, I love butterflies. She lives in Alabama and they are everywhere in her garden.
The reason today, they seem so poignant is that I am going through a change myself, the catalyst that I've been in for so long is coming off. I am in a new and fuzzy place in my life right now. I'm still confused, unsure, and unstable about the path I am suppose to take, but I feel it will be revealed to me when I am truly ready. I'm tired of making plans, only to let myself down, and let other people discourage, critize, or be rude to me, as well. I don't know why it is difficult for me to stick to something, once I have made up my mind. I feel threatened, major self doubt, and all these thoughts roam through my head. It is like these dual thoughts that contradict each other constantly. Like I wrote on my Sunday Serenity, I am in a project that I want to finish and learn from. It is called Mandala, it is used for meditation and emotional healling. That is what I need. The time has come to either step up the plate or get off. So, I am stepping up, it is time. I built myself an altar, which, is a new concept and experience for me. It is an oak table, I have three candles on it, green, white, and blue and a figurine of mother Mary, and of course my intentions for my journey. I've done 3 Exercises so far, I have found some peace in them, but I also feel uncomfortable, well mainly, because of the newness of this spiritual experience. I was brought up into Christian fundamentalist religion, and all this self love and taking care of you, is considered a sin or of the devil. My sister Joy has found some freedom in expressing and illuminating some of these false ideas and concepts from her spirit. Though, she too still struggles. Though, my other sister Vickie struggles as well. Vickie is my half sister and Joy is my foster sister. My real mother passed away when I was 13, I went and lived with the Coons, who took me in. Though, they professed me as their daughter, I never actually and still don't feel as I am. It is the actions and the words that they use when they are around me. Joy, is actually the only one who I consider to be a real friend in that clan. I feel uncomfortable around the others, it is because I can't express or be myself around them at all. I loved Richard, and while he was going through the dying stage of his life, he became real and less reserved. I realize from my experience of watching people die, they realize what the true meaning of life is, and what actually is truly important in life. Richard did possess that quality. I do miss him. I actually miss the illusion that I had of being apart of a family, it was killed off by some rude comments that have been made and it hurt me to the core. Somehow, in the process that I've gone through, I have waken up to how many rude, cruel, comments have been made about me or about the things going on in my life. I grinned and bare the brutal, stinging force the words and actions have caused me. What I would say to these people now and next time I am in that position is this: "Once you have walked in my shoes, seen what I have seen, gone through what my experiences have been, then you can make decisions, comments, and judgements. Until then, you have no right, just like I have no right to dictate these things to you." I'm in a rebellous mood, can you tell?

My Dad

It is hard for me to believe that I haven't spoken to my dad in two years. His passing was one of the difficult things that I went through on my journey. He passed away two years ago, today. He is greatly missed.

Sunday Serenity #8

This Sunday, I decided to build my altar. I bought a book kit yesterday at Ross called “The Mandala Healing Kit” by Judith Cornell, PH.D. I read the introduction, and it recommended building a sacred altar for yourself. I am doing just that. I bought some candles, colors, green, white, and blue. Tonight, when I get home from work, I hope to hold my blessings for the altar and for me. Cornell, suggested that your write your intentions and keep it on your altar while you are doing the exercises. I write them down last night, and I am going through this process for inner peace and harmony and other things that are on my list. They are private and I don’t feel I should share them. A lot of personal conflicts and struggles are happening, once again. I don’t feel like going in the same circle and I must change something. I tell one person my intentions, I have to keep it for myself and I must let go of everything that was my past. It is a difficult process, but I feel in my heart it must be done. I do have some blessings and hope of the accomplishments that I have made in my life. I have a job that I enjoy, with a wonderful older lady. I do have a couple of girlfriends that I feel blessed are in my life. I have two older sisters who understand this journey that I want to explore and not holding me to beliefs that I do not share or hold dear any longer. I have to make peace with myself first, before I can actually do it with the ones that I feel are meant to be apart of my life. Anyway, I am most interested in hearing about other peoples altars, what makes them sacred and serene for them. This is a new experience for me, and it kind of feels strange, since the religion that I grew up in forbade it as evil.