Clouds

Sunday night, a friend and I went for a drive, driving the out skirts of Vancouver, where I live. The adventure, brought back a joy that I truly enjoyed, out exploring things. The wonderful houses, animals, cars, trees, clouds, and music we saw and listened to, brought out a different side that I hadn't felt in a long while. Thank you to the universe for a wonderful day!!!

My Challenge

Life can throw you fist fulls of challenging, agrivating, and humorous situations. I've been dealt a heavy blow, actually several. A quote from my dad "Life is full of change, you either sit there and die in them, asking why is this happening to me, or you can accept it and go with the flow of this challenge and smile anyway." I never fully understood this, not until now.
My weight is a huge issue, one of the biggest challenges of my life. Guess what? I can't blame anyone but myself. I am an emotional binge eater, you know the type. The ones who don't eat in front of anyone, but when they get alone, they pig out. I do that, I can clean out my fridge in one night. I am serious, I have done that in emotionally challenging situations. Though, in the four years since my independence day, I have lost 100 pounds, I still do have 120 pounds more to lose. Yes, I am being honest about my weight, my eating habits, and the formidable challenge of making a change in my life style so that I can be healthy again. At age 34, I've developed heart failue and one collapsed lung. So, something sure does need to change, or I will be buried deep in dirt and no more enjoyments of life. The devastating news from the doctor, that I am not eligible for a surgery that would help improve my life, because of my fatness, makes me feel like a failure of life and beyond. Because, I've done some things to improve my life, which have helped somewhat, but then again I don't totally follow through on them. So, my challenge, is to become more of a follow through kind of gal, and actually take those vatiamins that I have, eat properly, meaning don't pig out on those cold lonely nights, or because some thoughtless jerk hurt my feelings, or because I'm bored out of my mind. That is the challenge, the real challenge that I am facing. Because, to be honest, I've taken care, entertained, took on other people challenges, that I've neglected my own. I'm not sure where my soul, my passion, my talent is. I do have an idea, but it isn't formated fully into my spirit, where I can pull them out of me to actually doing them. Admiting my faults, not hiding the truth of my weight battle, or the other battles of my life, is probably the wisest first step I have done and I am hopefuly that I can continue on a path that is more into the enlightenment phase I want to be in. I am going to blog, and I do have some resources that I hope to enlist in the near future. It's not hopeless! A weak smile, but it is still a smile.

Tea

You Are Black Tea

You have a bold personality. You're not afraid of simply being yourself. You have the courage to speak the truth. You are fearless in your actions. You come off as a bit intimidating and unapproachable. Only confident people are attracted to you. You don't try to scare off anyone. You're just an intense person!

What Kind of Tea Are You?

Dark Brown

The trials of living, man I could speak volumes of what this one statement means. Today, alone brought many adventures, some were completely disgusting. I hate it when the toilet decides to overflow, it is nasty, it smells, and words cannot describ the mess it makes. That is what I've been doing, well most of it. I bought some dark brown hair color last night, so I set off to do that this afternoon. After, I got the dye in, the toilet decides to do it's putrid dance all over the bathroom floor. So, I've been cleaning up that horendous mess, trying not to throw up, and trying not to scream at the porcelain bowl... The plunger worked, but still. Though, I did have a clarifying moment while plunging. I know, it sounds utterly strange that you can have a new perspective on life, while plunging the toilet. I swear, I did. Here's my thought: It is amazing how many time we get plugged up on everyday catastrophes, where we suddenly decide to spew all over ourselves and others in life the garbage that we ultimately hold in, all we need is a plunger, to plunge those negative thoughts, judgements, meaness towards ourselves and others down into the drain of nastiness. Wouldn't that be something, if that was possibly? I do think it is possible, change is a part of life, it is an opportunity to plunge ourselves into a new direction, to forget the past, to bascially take what we've learned and go into a different path.

Cushman, Sanders, Mitchard

All three authors that I recently read. Reading brought great pleasure to me, last weekend. I spent Saturday and Sunday reading, in quiet, peaceful, bliss devouring the stories that I read.

Anne Cushman's book "Enlightenment For Idiots" is well written, and brought me laughter, awe, admiration, envy, and fantasy of writing my own idiot guides and seeing what true spiritual leaders must be like and making my own choice, instead of following the pack. Amanda is a well thought out charachter and her crew is every so enlightening. Reminded me of my own life. I highly recommend her book to anyone.

Anne Sanders book "Goodbye, Jimmy Choo" is an amazing book and it delighted my senses, since I love herb and natural products. The story of Izzie and Maddies' friendship inspired me in my own female relationships. Good read and I recommend this book too.
True
Jacqualine Mitchards book "Twelve Times Blessed" is a joyful book too. I am not much on romance or such. This book seemed different in a lot of ways. I enjoyed her other book "Deep End Of The Ocean" and I thought I would another. It is well worth reading.

Long Time Gone

I feel like that Dixie Chicks song "Long Time Gone". It's been ages since I've written a blog. Well, my old desk top computer's been a poop. It decided to the old turn off thing and my new ISP provider wouldn't work on it either. All I could do was Email and messenger, but couldn't get to any of my favorite haunts on the web. Now, I am back, with passion for my blog again. I am hoping to write some things about what I've been reading, doing, and I am heading back to school on September 22nd, so new hope is in the air. Oh yeah, I love my new lap top. It's an HP and I'm elated at all the new possabilities. Chow, I'll be back tomorrow to write more.

All Fire Up!

All Fire Up!

Sunday Serenity #25

I am going to list five things that have brought me peace this week. Several peaceful moments happened this week.

1. Sitting with my friend Amber Dawn at the nail salon in Longview, both of us getting our nails done.

2. Hanging with Amber Dawn and Amber May one of their homes and visiting, then going to Porkys’, where I had a pina colada.

3. Shopping at the store, buying a wok and envisioning all the wonderful food I could make.

4. Getting my new Dr. Scholls walking shoes and planning on walking adventures.

5. Watching several movies: The Mist, I Am Legend, and Bridget Jones Diary.

Cereal

Lately, I haven't felt writing much on my blog. So, here is another stupid quiz thing.... ACtually, it is accurate in a strange way.

You Are Granola

You are creative and inventive. You don't do much the ordinary or normal way. You like to explore new ideas and lifestyles. Something isn't for you just because other people do it. Quick breakfast fixes are definitely not your style. You're the type most likely to cook yourself an amazing homemade breakfast.

What Kind of Cereal Are You?

Sunday Serenity #24

From a young age, Music brought me comfort, peace, and creativity into my life. I took this quiz, which is fun to do a times. During this period in my life, with everything that is going on, with my diagnosis of heart failure at age 33, and
having to choose between living or dying, and then being asked by my best friend to be a brides maid in her wedding next year, a lot of great things are happening, meaningful, thought provoking, and scary all in one big package.

You Are Classical Music

You are a somewhat serious person who enjoys studying subjects deeply. Art of all kinds interests you, and a good piece of art can really effect you emotionally. You are inspired by human achievement, and you appreciate work that takes years to accomplish. For you, the finer things in life are not about snobbery - they're about quality.

What Kind of Music Are You?

Disturbing

You Are Disturbingly Profound

You're contemplative, thoughtful, and very intense. Taking time to figure out the meaning of life is a priority for you. Because you're so introspective, you often react in ways that surprise people. No one can really understand how you are on the inside... and that disturbs them.

Are You Disturbingly Profound or Profoundly Disturbing?

A Walk

What Your City Walk Means

You are optimistic and hopeful. Sometimes you do get disappointed by expecting too much. You are generally confident and friendly with strangers. You are well mannered and sociable. Money is fairly important to you. You aren't super greedy, but you enjoy spending money on yourself. You are curious about ideas. If you had the means, you'd like to explore the whole world.

The City Walk Personality Test

I Eat The Ears First!

Your Chocolate Easter Bunny Personality

You know what you want in life and how to get it. You're not going to waste time or let yourself be meek Whether it's chocolate, money, or power... You take what you can get, and you act quickly. You have a lot of energy, and people sometimes scared by your determination. Not that you care what other people think. You're not going to apologize for who you are.

The Easter Bunny Quiz

Accordng To The Easter Egg:

What Your Easter Egg Says About You

You are whimsical, spontaneous, and fun loving. You connect well with people, but nature is your true love. Changing locations and scenery is important to your creativity. You are inspired by the surroundings around you

The Easter Egg Personality Test

Quote

"We traverse the world in search of happiness...yet a contented mind brings happiness to us all" Horace

Contemplation!

Evaluating my circumstances in my life, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to be more confident and reliable to me. Why is it so much easier for me to be those things for someone else, but when it comes to my own accomplishments and goals, I can’t? I watched a Suzy Orman program on PBS the other night and she gave some great examples on how to be a powerful woman. I want a lot of things, it seems like when you hit your thirties, you want more financial security, freedom, and peace in your life, you seem to buckle down with a true plan, I‘m at the beginning of that plan. The everyday crap that accumulates don’t seem to matter anymore, the drama from friends or family doesn‘t seem to matter as much. I want a simple life, without the malarkey that seems to trap itself into my life.
I have started this creative change, in hopes to creatively change the circumstances in my life. Nothing seems to be changing, what the heck am I doing wrong? Is this just a rough patch that will disperse in time?
I have so many things that need fixing in my life, it is hard to buckle down and get started. Responsibility in finances, my health, my weight, and just plain old living keep fracturing off into these doubts that I am baffled by. Why am I procrastinating my own happiness? I have good goals for myself, ones that I am fully confident that I am going to meet, but why am I so fearful of that happiness that I want and desire? Why do I fearfully fret about things that I shouldn’t fret about? Why do I let things go to shit when things suddenly go start going right? These questions and so many more plaque me and I’m not exactly sure what my path to success should be. I so, admire these strong women that I see, who are accomplishing long term goals and being successful. I want that for myself, is that being selfish? Why am I being lazy about accomplishing my goals or even cleaning up my environment?
I started this Creative Change in hope of giving myself some inspiration, to declutter my mind, body, and soul, but for some reason I am not feeling at peace with it. Maybe, this is just a trial period, I have no idea.
The eight qualities that Suzy Orman advises all of us on to become powerful women:
1. Harmony
2. Balance
3. Courage
4. Generosity
5. Happiness
6. Cleanliness
7. Beauty
8. Wisdom

Shamrock For St. Pattys Day!

What Your Shamrock Says About You

You are balanced, nurturing, and sympathetic. You understand people and love to help them. At times, you get too involved with what's going on in other people's lives. It's hard to remove yourself. You consider yourself a lucky person. Luck always seems to be on your side. You are stylish, in a classic sort of way. You are particular about how you like things.

The Shamrock Personality Test

More!

I posted some pictures that my friend Amber took with her Camera at our girls night out.

Me with a bowling ball...



Amber and I




The glowing Arms!

Sunday Serenity #23

I find friends a source of peace for me. At different times in my life different ones have been there to listen, be a shoulder, or to tell me something bluntly and kindly when I needed to know something. I have few close friends, Joy (my sister and friend), Vickie (my sister and friends), Amber Dawn, Amber Lou, and Amber May who are the best girlfriends ever and Monte who is a good guy friend... I am blessed.

Quote Of The Day

"When flowing water meets with obstacles on its path, a blockage in itsjourney, it pauses. It increases in volume and strength, filling up infront of the obstacle and eventually spilling past it . . ." I Ching

Writing One's Story

I get a newsletter from Goddess.com and they gave suggestions on writing one's life story. I liked the suggestions, because some of them have been illustrated in many of the books I have or am reading. Blogging is my way of sharing my thoughts and story with family, friends, and strangers, in our time, it is easier to do this with a blog. Blogging is a great way to communicate, though some of us were not blessed with the skills of a professional writer. Does that truly matter? Expressing ones heart is a difficult task to do in person, but writing it out, helps a lot. I do not express my emotions well in person, but I sure can get it out with pen and paper, or more likely computer and keypad. I have a talented writter in my family, maybe even some friends, but we are all different, have different voices, different inspirations, way so of looking at things, and that is what th tapestry of life is truly about. Freely, sharing our own talents and appreciating ours and others in this wonderous world we live in. Anyway, here are the suggestions: I do a couple of them already...


Begin writing your life story... There is no doubt that you would have life lessons to share that perhaps you aren't consciously aware of. There are several approaches you can take, even if you don't consider yourself a "writer"...
Write a short story about yourself in the third person, making yourself the heroine of the amazing adventure that has been your life so far;
Write short journal entries before you go to sleep every night, focussing on the "best thing that happened to me today";
Release any residual pain surrounding old injuries by rewriting the story with a new outcome;
Start a gratitude journal and record every little thing that makes you go mmmmmm.

Ring Finger

I took this silly quis for the fun of it. I don't see myself as a romantic person, but somehow they got that impression by the answers I gave.

You Are a Ring Finger

You are romantic, expressive, and hopeful. You see the best in everything. You are very artistic, and you see the world as your canvas. You are also drawn to the written word. Inventive and unique, you are often away in your own inner world. You get along well with: The Pinky Stay away from: The Index Finger

What Finger Are You?

I-5 Bridge

I got a picture of me finally at the I-5 bridge...

Adventure

Five minutes before I got off of work, my cell phone rang, it was Monte. I called him back after work, he wanted to go to the park with me, the one I went to several weeks ago with Amber, another friend. I enjoyed my visit with him and our trip. We visited the Columbia River and we stopped at this awesome Catholic church called St. Johns. These pictures illustrate our adventure.

We parked at the park, several airplanes, jets, old planes flew over our heads. I captured the first one here...



We went in Monte's car. This is him with his car... The pride and joy of his life.



Another plane flew over our heads and I liked the clouds in the sky tha framed it.



I liked the way the trees framed the I-5 bridge on the Washington side. The other side is Portland Oregon.



I asked Monte to stand in that spot and I framed them all in. I love this picture. Monte has the pictures of me on his camera. When he shares, I'll share. lol



I took one of my, you can see him in his Lamb Of God hoodie.



Monte sat on his cement block near the Columbia river and on the sand. I think it was an old boat landing, but I am not positive.



This tree, all crooked, struck me...



We saw this beautiful church on our way to the Columbia river and so we planned to stop on the way back to my house. So here it is.



The St. Johns Catholic Church sign.



The red color of the front of the church fascinated me. I liked the shade of red and everything. It is so beautiful. The whole building, wow, beautiful.



Monte and the red door to the entrance of the church.



Monte in front of the red door. I love this door.



The side view of ST. Johns Catholic Church.



The Lady Of Vancouver. She is holding the church in her hands, I wish the picture could capture the beauty of this statue.



The Lady Of Vancouver, another shot.



This church bell was made in 1885. It is amazing. I had to touch it.




The court yard gates.




the court yard, with tree with buds.

A Rose, A Thief

It's been one of those does just like those lyrics in the Limp Bizkit song, you wanna break something tonight. This morning, I woke up feeling so good, ready to go to work, ready to come home and plant my rose bush and glads. I went to my car and someone decided to rip my car stereo out of my car last night. I am getting tired of this. I have no idea what the universe is trying to tell me, other than there is absolute jerks out there, willing to take whatever they want from someone else, to make their lives so much easier. You can say I was angry, deeply so. I have never felt this kind of emotion, not to this extreme that I felt it today. I went to work, trying to be my normal positive self, but I couldn't cut the mustard. Every time I look at that hole, I just want to punch someone. I hate feeling that way. When I got home, I got a surprise in my mail box, a relaxing CD with lavender essential oil. I needed to relax, contemplate, decide what to do now, and so I listened to the new CD. It is beautiful, nature sounds, and I smelled the lavender oil. I love the smell of lavender. I picked myself up, went outside to my balcony and planted my peace rose and my glads that I got recently. I saw the purple crocus and the yellow crocus that I planted in the fall blooming. That cheered me up. Then I came back in, and a friend of mine was on-line and we chatted. He can make me laugh and feel good. Consequently my anger became null and void. I even went back out tonight to get things from the trunk of my car and I saw that gapping hole and I was at peace. Life sure can throw you curve balls...






Me planting glads



Purple Crocus