Big Girls Don't Cry!

This songs been around a year so, I've just discovered it and it says how I am feeling about some things...
The Lyrics:

The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection, baby
To be with myself and center
Clarity, peace, serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightening out to do
And I"m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
and big girls don't cry
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry
The path that I"m walking, I must go alone
I must take baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
and big girls don't cry
LIke the little school mate in the school yard
we'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers
and share our secret worlds
but it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center
Clarity, peace, serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on wiht my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, Don't cry, Don't cry.

Musing On Hunting Man!

I can't come up with a better title for this post. The last week or two, I've been watching a friend of mine, doing exactly this. I don't know why her self worth is based on how attractive she is or the attention she gets from men, while neglecting some important things in her life. Then I realize, why am I pointing a finger at her? I've done this exact same thing, and I have no right to judge her. Though, this dilemma, made me pause to wonder about some things. So, I'm musing on this issue, hunting for a man or a companion, since I'm sure females aren't the only ones who are doing this. Why is our society based on looking for a mate?
I've been without a constant male companionship for four years now. I do have a male friend, who off and on, replaced the companionship of Rick, but it's not exactly the same. Because well, he lives in his own apartment, and we have a passionate and tumultuous relationship. I am grateful for this relationship, because I have learned many things from this experience. He is a good friend, despite some things.
My dream last night says it all to me, thanks to the pointing out of some key things from my sister, Joy. I am ok with that, I'm not on the same path, as my friends. Yet, I still love them and support them, I'm sure the feelings mutual. I am ok alone, and after Ricks passing, I made the decision to not go hunting for a man, though some of the people in my life, pushing, by making comments, and encouraging me to go on dating sites, and I'm uncomfortable, not because of getting to know a stranger, or things like that. It is more personal, it's deeper than that. My spirit, twirling around with new concepts daily, and I'm still on shaky foundation. Yes, I do get lonely, I do wish to be held, kissed, have romance in my life, somehow, I've realized, I have key issues to get through first. For example, intimacy, trust, loving myself, and learning to take care of my needs. I want to get my college education, I want to explore photography more, and explore many different subjects, that I've put off, because of grieving the loss of many things the past four years. A deep friendship that ended, because of a MAN, the tumultuous relationship with a man, the death of a dear person in my life, and the death of my dad. Learning new skills became an issue, because suddenly, I became independent of my thoughts, spirit, actions, dreams, hopes, love, desires, everything. I did not have to be on constant edge, submiting my thoughts, emotions, spirit, actions, and I became in control over my own life. A new concept for me. I became afraid of this new power, and I found ways to let others have it, but now, I am learning to enjoy that power. I am still learning, and frankly, I don't want my desire for a man to hault the new develope inside of me. The woman who harvested new life skills and can be a better companion because of them...

Twilight

I've been reading the Stephanie Meyer books, I'm now onto the 4th Breaking Dawn. I'm looking forward to the movie of her first book Twilight. Here is a clip of it...

Getting Ready For Winter

Fall, many things represnet fall to me. The leaves change color, from bright green, into yello, burnt orange, red, and finally brown, where they end up on the ground. I hear the dead leaves crunching under my feet, while I am walking to my mail box. At my apartments, we have a huge oak tree. It is shape shifting into his winter mode, where it will be barren until spring. The great oak, must be about a hundred years old. This morning, I saw a squirrel burying nuts underneath it's trunk, getting ready for winter... I don't know how squirrels do it, burying nuts, and then patting the ground until it is hard to tell where they bury them, and then finding them during the winter months. How do they do that? It's a truly amazing thing to watch...

Beauty Around Me

More photographs from my trip with my friend Amber...
I've been busy reading, the Stephanie Meyer books, her saga of Edward, Bella, and Jacob... The movie comes out on November 21st and I am going to see it in the theaters. I'm excited.. Twilight, I finished it in one day... Now, I'm onto New Moon... I own these two, my friemd Amber, loaned me the other two... I'm off to read...

Musings

Something inside of me, changing, like the color of the leaves in the fall. I'm beginning to see differently, things around me... Change, apart of life, something I feared, still do. My fortune cookie said to me: "Remember it's about the journey, not the final destination." I'm ready to change my color... Again!

Zen Walking

Beautiful, glorious day out with a friend, walking in a Zen garden located in Longview Washington...



Buddha!!



Amber and I




The bridge to the garden.



I love trees!!!



The Path...



The sunshine coming through. Beautiful!!!




so Beautiful, this Zen Garden, in Longview Washington...



A beautiful peaceful scene. I love this picture...



The pretty red leaves...


I absolutely love fall colors... Me with the red leaves.


My dear friend Amber Dawn, and me holding a branch up... lol


My souvinirs from my walk with Ms. Amber Dawn...

Into The Woods, I Go