the roaring of the ocean, the salty smell in the air, the gritty feeling of sand on your feet all brings peace to my soul. I haven't gone to the beach in awhile. I've always wanted to go spend the weekend at the coast, with no distractions, with no one, but my own thoughts. Someday I will do this.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
I would be wondering how the heck that would have happened, since I just had my period and I haven't had sex in a long while.
2. Do you trust all of your friends?
3. How much money is in your wallet right now?
4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
5. Name one thing you would NOT tolerate in a relationship.
6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
I can't imagine it.
7. Are you afraid of falling in love?
8. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
different people at different times.
9. Would you stop talking to your friends because you hooked up with a new person?
I would try not to.
10. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
11. What did the last text message you get say?
12. What feature do you find most attractive in the opposite sex?
personality and butt.
13. Fill in the blank. I love __?
14. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
doing my mandalas and more weight loss.
15. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call first?
16. How many kids do you want?
17. Would you make a good parent?
I hope so
18. Where was your default picture taken?
19. Whats your middle name?
20. Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
writing, a certain someone, and my tarot reading.
21. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
just one little thing.
22. Shoe size?
23. What are you wearing right now?
jeans and a black shirt
24. Do you believe love is blind?
25. Can you make a dollar in change right now?
26. Best place to eat?
27. Describe your perfect date:
having someone come over, talking, drinking tea or coffee, and being kind to each other.
28. Favorite animal?
butterflies and dolphins
29. Favorite juice?
30. Have you had the chicken pox?
31. Have you had a sore throat?
32. Ever had plastic surgery?
33. Who knows you the best?
34. Do you get along with your family?
for the most part.
35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
36. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
38. Did you buy something today?
39. Did you get sick today?
40. Do you miss someone today?
41. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
42. When is the last time you had a message?
it's been awhile
43. Last person to lay in your bed?
44. Last person to see you cry?
45. What made you cry?
I'd rather not say
46. What was the last TV show you watched?
I'm watching Leave It to Beaver reruns. lol I felt like being in the land of make believe where families were loving.
47. What are your plans for the weekend?
well, since it is Sunday, I'm doing a few things before I go to work tonight.
48. Who do you think will repost this?
49. Are you happy?
getting there. I hope i'm not deceiving myself.
50. Could you be happier? What would it take?
a million dollars, 70 more pounds off of me, and peace and happiness in all relationships.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
These pictures of butterflies were taken by my sister Vickie. She sent them to me today, I love butterflies. She lives in Alabama and they are everywhere in her garden.
The reason today, they seem so poignant is that I am going through a change myself, the catalyst that I've been in for so long is coming off. I am in a new and fuzzy place in my life right now. I'm still confused, unsure, and unstable about the path I am suppose to take, but I feel it will be revealed to me when I am truly ready. I'm tired of making plans, only to let myself down, and let other people discourage, critize, or be rude to me, as well. I don't know why it is difficult for me to stick to something, once I have made up my mind. I feel threatened, major self doubt, and all these thoughts roam through my head. It is like these dual thoughts that contradict each other constantly. Like I wrote on my Sunday Serenity, I am in a project that I want to finish and learn from. It is called Mandala, it is used for meditation and emotional healling. That is what I need. The time has come to either step up the plate or get off. So, I am stepping up, it is time. I built myself an altar, which, is a new concept and experience for me. It is an oak table, I have three candles on it, green, white, and blue and a figurine of mother Mary, and of course my intentions for my journey. I've done 3 Exercises so far, I have found some peace in them, but I also feel uncomfortable, well mainly, because of the newness of this spiritual experience. I was brought up into Christian fundamentalist religion, and all this self love and taking care of you, is considered a sin or of the devil. My sister Joy has found some freedom in expressing and illuminating some of these false ideas and concepts from her spirit. Though, she too still struggles. Though, my other sister Vickie struggles as well. Vickie is my half sister and Joy is my foster sister. My real mother passed away when I was 13, I went and lived with the Coons, who took me in. Though, they professed me as their daughter, I never actually and still don't feel as I am. It is the actions and the words that they use when they are around me. Joy, is actually the only one who I consider to be a real friend in that clan. I feel uncomfortable around the others, it is because I can't express or be myself around them at all. I loved Richard, and while he was going through the dying stage of his life, he became real and less reserved. I realize from my experience of watching people die, they realize what the true meaning of life is, and what actually is truly important in life. Richard did possess that quality. I do miss him. I actually miss the illusion that I had of being apart of a family, it was killed off by some rude comments that have been made and it hurt me to the core. Somehow, in the process that I've gone through, I have waken up to how many rude, cruel, comments have been made about me or about the things going on in my life. I grinned and bare the brutal, stinging force the words and actions have caused me. What I would say to these people now and next time I am in that position is this: "Once you have walked in my shoes, seen what I have seen, gone through what my experiences have been, then you can make decisions, comments, and judgements. Until then, you have no right, just like I have no right to dictate these things to you." I'm in a rebellous mood, can you tell?
Monday, September 24, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
Sunday, September 16, 2007
This is one of my favorite Tori Amos songs, it is called liquid diamonds. My favorite part is the chorus that says: "I guess I'm an underwater thing so I
Guess I can't take it personally
I guess I'm an underwater thing I'm
There's a sea secret in me
It's plain to see it is rising
But I must be flowing liquid diamonds
Calling for my soul
At the corners of the world
I know she's playing poker with the rest of the stragglers" Solitude is a great thing, calling for yourself from all the corners of your mind, freeing yourself from the bondage of the negative doubts about the life that is around you. I got my music stolen, all my Tori Amos CDS are gone, and so is the necklace that my dad gave me when he went to Romania. There are a lot of changes, maybe that is exactly what true serenity, accepting the changes, obstacles, and negative things and still being happy and willing to still live, despite the shit in life.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
"RULES FOR BEING HUMAN":
RULE #1: You will learn lessons.
RULE #2: There are no mistakes--only lessons.
RULE #3: A lesson is repeated until it is learned.
RULE #4: If you don't learn the easy lessons, they get harder.
RULE #5: You'll know you've learned a lesson when your actions change.
-John C. Maxwell
A: Tori Amos
B: Pat Benetar
F: Foo Fighters
G: Go Go’s
I: Janis Ian
K: The Killers
L: Lynyrd Skynyrd
S: Donna Summer
T: Thin Lizzy
U: Keith Urban
V: Sarah Vaughn
Z: Z Z Top
Monday, September 10, 2007
~ I radiate love
~ I shine with joy
~ My smile comes easily
~ My peace is shared peace
~ I choose joy over sorrow
~ Hard times make me stronger
~ I blossom in response to adversity
~ I have great joy, and therefore great energy
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Saturday, September 08, 2007
On a chipper note, I got a new job. I am starting it tonight. I am excited and nervous and after work tonight me and my two Ambers are getting together and having a semi girls night out. I am looking forward to it. A lot of people that I haven’t talked to in a long time are coming out of the woodwork. The one friend, who I have based my life on, in part, is doing what he normally does, disappearing and being himself, and I’m not taking it personally, I am taking it as an opportunity for me to grow as a woman, friend, and family member in my life. He is still loved and cared about. I am listening to the inner wisdom of Jamie, thinking mindfully and doing what I feel is best. He needs time, so do I. I wish him happiness and normally, I would think we weren’t friends anymore, but not this time. We are, and he is valued and loved by me and I am hoping that it is the same on his side and I am trusting that our friendship bond is strong and capable of dealing with this same issue again and that the insanity of me thinking negative thoughts will stop, I’m trying a different approach than I normally do. Normally, I would hunt him down and make him talk to me, but that has always caused problems. Frankly, I am tired of discussing our issues and I don’t want to think about it any longer and neither does he. He knows I am here for him anytime and in some part I think he is there for me too. I am sending Monte blessings and contentment in his life at this moment, as, I am sending to everyone that I know in my entire life. I think I am finally growing up…