Happy Birthday Mom!

My mom is on my mind today, I've thinking about her, missing some of the good things about her, and also contemplating how much my life truly changed in the course of 21 years since her passing. I just finished the 6th grade, and I moved to Longview, Washington, to be with my sister and her family. Looking on it, grieving, contemplating, and an overwhelming sense of loss, waves over me like a banner. Though, I do have to say, from every experience I have learned many valuable lessons in my life. That life throw unbelievable sadness and happiness at different times in ones life. Every experience, somehow shapped me into the person I am. Somehow, that blunt, bulldog, tiger girl's been lost. That is one of my greatest fears, to become and die like my mother did. That is what I am thinking of today, my mothers life and death, and the many adventures I went on in my life. I feel like a great explorer, roaming around, observing things.
When I look at the kaelodescope of my life, I see every shape, color, and demension of the people who have become a part of my life, some are still here, some are gone. Each one holds a key that unlocks a door, showing, behind the door new ways of viewing certain situations in my life. An example: I went from a single mother, who became besieged with mental problems, to a sister whose house elapsed into the drug haven of the whole city of Longview and beyond, to a fundamentalist sect Christian family, to a man who loved Elvis and nothing more. All these experiences somehow became a part of my foundation, one that I am not ashamed of anymore. I can't be, though at times it shook it, crumbled it, I still didn't break, I didn't die, I didn't became a blob of nothing. I stood it, and yet I still have my humanity. I am appreciating my blunt perspectives, my compassionate, genrious nature, and also the tiger that I am when I am fighting for someone or something I love. I can't change who I am...
I've always told everyone that I don't know who I am, the fog is lifting that I've been in for so long. It is possible to love yourself and to love others the same... Balance can be reached.