I Carry Your Heart

Dedicated to:

my mom
Vickie
Ric
Joy
Carri
Rob
Amber M
Monte
the people who are in my circle...



i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

written by e.e. cummings

I Do

Another one of my favorite artists, Lisa Loeb. I love her style, and her songwriting talent, and her talent period.
"I do" one of my favorite songs by her, and now I finally have her greatest hits CD and am playing it to death.

A New World Coming

I've always loved Cass Elliott, my mom had a cassette tape of hers that I played to death the year after she passed away in 1987. The few months I lived with my big sister and her family, were extemely tough, and her soulful voice gave me comfort, while waiting out the disasters. Rick my nephew had Neil Young and I had Cass Elliott. I am going thru the same changes internally, so when a friend on a different website put up this video, it triggered a moment of clarity and rememberance to me. To update everyone, my mom, (the woman who raised me 13 and on) recovered from her hip replacement surgery, and is now sitting up. I am so thankful for this happy news. Grateful for all the prayers and support. Thank you Universe!

Journey

This morning when I woke up, the need for movement, for a journey washed over me. After getting the news that my mom broke her hip and all the changes that have been happening recently, going for a long drive to Longview Washington felt right. I went to willow grove beach, where many family picnics happened and many good memories enveloped me. Though, the fog covered the water and the place, the beauty of the natural place still was there. My thoughts and prayers are with my mom, brother, and sisters during this time.

Cat

I am not normally a cat person, I love dogs. Though, recently a shift to love all animals taken place in my system. A fun quiz to do.

You Are a Bengal Cat

You look wild, but deep down, you're really quite sweet. You are curious about the world around you, and you love to explore. You liked to swim and climb trees as a kid... and probably still do! You are confident and energetic. You are ready to take on the world.

What Breed of Cat Are You?

Prayers

My mom's in the hospital in California, she went there to visit family and to go to a church conference they hold there every year. My sister Carri called me at around 1PM Sunday night to tell me the news. My mom broke her hip and surgery is tomorrow at noon, please hold her in good energy and thoughts while she's going thru the surgery and the recovery afterwards.
Having this happened brought some things into perspective for me, Maurine is not my biological mother, she and Richard took me in when I was 13 years old, they were both in their late 50's and already raisded three children of their own. So, they should have been done, no they choose to take me in and rasie me until I was a grown up. Richard passed a few years ago, and I miss him terribly. The thought of Maurine being gone, triggered an emotional button that's been there, but been suppressed by other factors in my life. I love you mom and get better soon.

Indian Name

I almost fell over when I read this. My mom collects raccoons, mainly because her last name is coon. LOL Funny things happen on the internet. lol

Your Native American Name Is...

Nina Mika Your name means: Strong Intelligent Raccoon

What's Your Native American Name?

Sunday Serenity

Leaders

I snagged this photo from my friend Dean, but I've greatly respected both of these men and here is a cool picture of them together. I've read several of the Dalai Lama's books and found great wisdom in his perspective and insight. Obama, I haven't read his book, hope to soon, yet, his speeches remind me of Martin Luther King, and hope will be coming to my own country. Something to look forward to.

Book Giveaway

Joystory is hosting a book give away. A beautiful book about our newest President Obama. Check it out...

Awareness

On Oprahs webcast of Jon Kabat Zinn show she read this poem. I feel a deep connection with the words and picture that's being presented.



Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

— Derek Wolcott

Roses And Clouds

One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon--instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.
-Dale Carnegie




As the rain falling out of the clouds becomes the life origin for plants, so the stream of creativeness becomes the source of life for a man. Let us feel the pulse of a creative spirit within a man, which sustains his or her vitality, for it, is the only way for one to join the river of eternity. As this truth submerges a man in joy like the sunrays, he or she feels incredibly happy. The spirit of creativity like a stream flowing in a man and watering a dry land of his or her soul, refreshing it and awakening up new forces – a creation of action. It seems that time and eternity merge within a man. Let us aim at awakening within ourselves this state producing success and desire for harmony.
-Augustinas Rakauskas,

Twinkling Twilight

I don't feel creative today, it's raining outside, time for me to curl up and read a good book on a lazy Saturday...
Here is a cool quiz about which Twilight Charachter You resemble. I love the charachtor Carlisle in the books series. Actually, they all are awesome.

Which Twilight character are YOU? Your Result: Carlisle Cullen   ahh.. Carlisle.. the very smart very stongly opionated Carlisle.. and not only THAT but he's hot for a dad :) i mean REALLY sharp looking.. and rich :)
Bella Swan
Emmett Cullen
Alice Cullen
Edward Cullen
Jasper Hale
Jacob Black
Rosalie Hale
Which Twilight character are YOU? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Sunday Serenity

Both of these youtube videos bring peace to me. I like the music and the visuals. The decision was hard, so you get both...

Big Girls Don't Cry!

This songs been around a year so, I've just discovered it and it says how I am feeling about some things...
The Lyrics:

The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection, baby
To be with myself and center
Clarity, peace, serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightening out to do
And I"m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
and big girls don't cry
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry
The path that I"m walking, I must go alone
I must take baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
and big girls don't cry
LIke the little school mate in the school yard
we'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers
and share our secret worlds
but it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center
Clarity, peace, serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on wiht my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, Don't cry, Don't cry.

Musing On Hunting Man!

I can't come up with a better title for this post. The last week or two, I've been watching a friend of mine, doing exactly this. I don't know why her self worth is based on how attractive she is or the attention she gets from men, while neglecting some important things in her life. Then I realize, why am I pointing a finger at her? I've done this exact same thing, and I have no right to judge her. Though, this dilemma, made me pause to wonder about some things. So, I'm musing on this issue, hunting for a man or a companion, since I'm sure females aren't the only ones who are doing this. Why is our society based on looking for a mate?
I've been without a constant male companionship for four years now. I do have a male friend, who off and on, replaced the companionship of Rick, but it's not exactly the same. Because well, he lives in his own apartment, and we have a passionate and tumultuous relationship. I am grateful for this relationship, because I have learned many things from this experience. He is a good friend, despite some things.
My dream last night says it all to me, thanks to the pointing out of some key things from my sister, Joy. I am ok with that, I'm not on the same path, as my friends. Yet, I still love them and support them, I'm sure the feelings mutual. I am ok alone, and after Ricks passing, I made the decision to not go hunting for a man, though some of the people in my life, pushing, by making comments, and encouraging me to go on dating sites, and I'm uncomfortable, not because of getting to know a stranger, or things like that. It is more personal, it's deeper than that. My spirit, twirling around with new concepts daily, and I'm still on shaky foundation. Yes, I do get lonely, I do wish to be held, kissed, have romance in my life, somehow, I've realized, I have key issues to get through first. For example, intimacy, trust, loving myself, and learning to take care of my needs. I want to get my college education, I want to explore photography more, and explore many different subjects, that I've put off, because of grieving the loss of many things the past four years. A deep friendship that ended, because of a MAN, the tumultuous relationship with a man, the death of a dear person in my life, and the death of my dad. Learning new skills became an issue, because suddenly, I became independent of my thoughts, spirit, actions, dreams, hopes, love, desires, everything. I did not have to be on constant edge, submiting my thoughts, emotions, spirit, actions, and I became in control over my own life. A new concept for me. I became afraid of this new power, and I found ways to let others have it, but now, I am learning to enjoy that power. I am still learning, and frankly, I don't want my desire for a man to hault the new develope inside of me. The woman who harvested new life skills and can be a better companion because of them...

Twilight

I've been reading the Stephanie Meyer books, I'm now onto the 4th Breaking Dawn. I'm looking forward to the movie of her first book Twilight. Here is a clip of it...

Getting Ready For Winter

Fall, many things represnet fall to me. The leaves change color, from bright green, into yello, burnt orange, red, and finally brown, where they end up on the ground. I hear the dead leaves crunching under my feet, while I am walking to my mail box. At my apartments, we have a huge oak tree. It is shape shifting into his winter mode, where it will be barren until spring. The great oak, must be about a hundred years old. This morning, I saw a squirrel burying nuts underneath it's trunk, getting ready for winter... I don't know how squirrels do it, burying nuts, and then patting the ground until it is hard to tell where they bury them, and then finding them during the winter months. How do they do that? It's a truly amazing thing to watch...

Beauty Around Me

More photographs from my trip with my friend Amber...
I've been busy reading, the Stephanie Meyer books, her saga of Edward, Bella, and Jacob... The movie comes out on November 21st and I am going to see it in the theaters. I'm excited.. Twilight, I finished it in one day... Now, I'm onto New Moon... I own these two, my friemd Amber, loaned me the other two... I'm off to read...

Musings

Something inside of me, changing, like the color of the leaves in the fall. I'm beginning to see differently, things around me... Change, apart of life, something I feared, still do. My fortune cookie said to me: "Remember it's about the journey, not the final destination." I'm ready to change my color... Again!