Cold, Wet, Flooding

Preparing for a life changing event is a difficult course to undertake. I’m discovering this, as I am gathering all the tools that I am going to need to step out into the ocean of events. One of the stones I am stepping on to cross the great wide river of self appreciation concerns my weight. Food is one of those comforts that’s been there for me, when life’s biggest disappointments strikes me. The death of Rick, my dad, losing a cherished friend, moving, emotional stress of any kind, I turn to big old bear hug of a block of cheese.
I have been afraid of changing, it’s the fear of the unknown, it’s the fear of succeeding, or maybe it’s the fear of discovering a part of myself that I didn’t realize existed. These muddy illusions of what I think I want, need, feel, or desire give way to the reality of how things are. The death of my old ways is here, I have to slowly take the matches and light up the old and then immerse into the new. The moon, does this cycle of growing full and then slowly dying back down into a small crescent. I’ve been shown that I must learn the lunar ways, death is a part of life, so is the emulsification of all the forms of life that we know. Why is death the hardest to accept and enjoy? Maybe it is the cold, wet, rainy, flood like weather we are experiencing the last couple of days, maybe it is the events that are changing, and seeing cycles that I want to change that are voicing inside of my head. Yelling at me to do something and live your life, Jamie. All I know is my dreams have been wonderments of knowledge, advice, and parallels that I must acknowledge. Especially, concerning one person in my life. The universe is telling me something and I must heed to it’s call and do something before I become the vicious woman that I do not want to be.