My Ramblings

I'm spending the night at my friend Ambers' place. I'm driving to Seattle with her and her little sister Carissa. Carissa is going to Victoria Canada to see her boyfriend for a week, I'm excited for her. I've never been to Victoria Canada, but I've been told it looks a lot like Europe. I want to go someday. A lot of interesting things have been happening for me lately. I've been enjoying my freedom, but I fear I may be going way too far in my enjoyment. I have felt like a caged tiger for too long and now I'm out on the prowl, so to speak. I don't want what happened last time to happen now. I also realize that I need to settle down, figure things out, work on my future, instead of just waiting for it to happen. It isn't going. I'm not happy, though I should be. What the hell do I want to do with the next 30 or so years? I also don't want to concentrate on a certain person, that I've been wasting so much time and energy on, because frankly, it is going to make me more miserable. I have these voices in my life that all have opinions, advice, including my own, and I'm not sure where I stand, what to do, or even what I want? My whole life I've been doing what everyone else wants, holding back my emotions and feelings, letting everyone have control, but never ceasing the ropes myself. What kind of life am I going to have if it keeps up? I go for people who are not available for me? That are in constand mood swings and other dilemas and I'm here wondering what the heck? Should I do what I want to do, take a week or two to myself, no contact, and breath in my own thoughts, dreams, revelations, and cherish what I need to. Is that selfish? Or is it necessary for my own sanity?