What's Love?

"No one else has access to the world you carry around within yourself; you are its custodian and entrance. No one else can see the world the way you see it. No one else can feel your life the way you feel it. Thus it is impossible to ever compare two people because each stands on such different ground. When you compare yourself to others, you are inviting envy into your consciousness; it can be a dangerous and destructive guest." John O'Donohue (Anam Cara)  Many months ago, I started John O'Donohue's "Anam Cara", feeling extremely agitated with his description of love and soul friends, I had to set it down.  Recently, I picked it up. Love, what is it? What does it feel like, look like, etc?  On my 36th birthday, in May, I requested the magnificent universe to show me what LOVE is. That's my journey at this point, because my definition of love and friendship does not meet the experiences that I've had.  Judgment,  maliciousness, controlling, manipulative, and  cruel actions that leave me feeling overly exhausted.  I want real, is that possible? I do not want to end up as my mother or sister, so paranoid about every ones intentions that I've ceased to exist, to enjoy my life, to meet true and honest people.  That's my quandary, that's my quest, that's my hope. Maybe it's a pipe dream.