Demon Of The Fat Lady

“You’ve been provided with a perfect body to house your soul for a few brief moments in eternity. So regardless of its size, shape, color, or any imagined infirmities, you can honor the temple that houses you by healthfully, exercising, listening to your bodies needs, and treating it with dignity and love.” Dr. Wayne Dyer.

I went to bed early and got up early. It’s four in the morning while I am writing this. I’ve been in a perpetual hell the last couple of weeks, maybe closer to a month now. A friend who I have held dear despite the many ups and downs of our past together is behaving in a malicious and cruel way towards me again. It seems from the pattern it always happens when they are in a new relationship. I have let it derail me long enough, it’s time to just let everything go and let it flow. I’m tired of being beaten up emotionally by the same old pattern of our relationship. I feel powerless, I’ve let it warp my mind to the point where I have not accomplished any of my dreams, hopes, desires, and just plain old living my life. I got out of the hospital 3 weeks ago tomorrow. The traumatic experience of not being able to breathe properly for a long time left me feeling a lot of emotional things. Then wham, another blow to me, someone decides to insult me and be a jerk. I’ve had enough, I’m tired of wallowing in the pain of rejection and dejection. I am drawing the line and putting a stop to this whack out thinking in my head.
I am obese, I have been losing weight for the last 5 years, its been going up and down. Luckily, I have not reached my highest weight 397 pounds, and I am stubborn enough not to let myself get that far gone. I am out of control in my eating again, yes, I have the classic eating addiction. I eat especially when I am going through any emotional trauma and the last 5 years has been a roller coaster of events. I proved to myself that I am a strong woman, hey, I fought not being able to breathe for 2 years, don’t you think I can fight the demon of the fat lady, who conjures herself up every time a new disaster faces her. I know I can. So, my choice is to get back on the weight loss horse and get moving. I walked down my hallway today, hopefully my new mini trampoline comes soon and I’m getting back into the practice of mindfulness that I’ve been preaching to everyone else about for many moons. It’s hard to take your own advice, so I am tired of being a talker and not a doer. So I am doing.
I am sure there will be obstacles along the way, I am hoping the tools that I do have will stop my spiral before I get to spawn on the self destructive path again.
I am going to trust the few people I have in my life and trust my inner most sacred voice that guides me.
I started the first step, I am fasting for a couple of days. From today, Friday until Monday. I am fasting, drinking lots of water and other fluids. I am jump starting my body into a new regiment. I am also doing something different, I’m going to keep track of every morsel that I put into my mouth so that I can gauge how much I am consuming every day. I’ll keep you posted on my progress every Friday that will help me be accountable. Until next Friday, have a healthy and blissful week.