Am scaning my old photos onto my computer, I want to make a DVD with music for myself. Bringing up memories and also a good way for me to share with Joy...
Joy and Ed December 2nd, 1978... Beautiful bride and handsome groom.
Joy, Rob, and Joshua roller skating.
Rob, Carri, and Joy, my highschool graduation party.
For my sister Carris' wedding, wasn't she beautiful.
My first time at the beach. I was going in for my surgery the next day, so we took a trip to the beach, with my mom, dad, Carri, Joy, and Ed. Dad wasn't in the picture.
The family for Levi (nephew) first birthday, can you believe he's a freshman...Time does fly by.
The family getting readto leave or maybe going in, have no idea...
my mom Vickie Ric Joy Carri Rob Amber M Monte the people who are in my circle...
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling) i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
Another one of my favorite artists, Lisa Loeb. I love her style, and her songwriting talent, and her talent period. "I do" one of my favorite songs by her, and now I finally have her greatest hits CD and am playing it to death.
I've always loved Cass Elliott, my mom had a cassette tape of hers that I played to death the year after she passed away in 1987. The few months I lived with my big sister and her family, were extemely tough, and her soulful voice gave me comfort, while waiting out the disasters. Rick my nephew had Neil Young and I had Cass Elliott. I am going thru the same changes internally, so when a friend on a different website put up this video, it triggered a moment of clarity and rememberance to me. To update everyone, my mom, (the woman who raised me 13 and on) recovered from her hip replacement surgery, and is now sitting up. I am so thankful for this happy news. Grateful for all the prayers and support. Thank you Universe!
This morning when I woke up, the need for movement, for a journey washed over me. After getting the news that my mom broke her hip and all the changes that have been happening recently, going for a long drive to Longview Washington felt right. I went to willow grove beach, where many family picnics happened and many good memories enveloped me. Though, the fog covered the water and the place, the beauty of the natural place still was there. My thoughts and prayers are with my mom, brother, and sisters during this time.
My mom's in the hospital in California, she went there to visit family and to go to a church conference they hold there every year. My sister Carri called me at around 1PM Sunday night to tell me the news. My mom broke her hip and surgery is tomorrow at noon, please hold her in good energy and thoughts while she's going thru the surgery and the recovery afterwards. Having this happened brought some things into perspective for me, Maurine is not my biological mother, she and Richard took me in when I was 13 years old, they were both in their late 50's and already raisded three children of their own. So, they should have been done, no they choose to take me in and rasie me until I was a grown up. Richard passed a few years ago, and I miss him terribly. The thought of Maurine being gone, triggered an emotional button that's been there, but been suppressed by other factors in my life. I love you mom and get better soon.
I snagged this photo from my friend Dean, but I've greatly respected both of these men and here is a cool picture of them together. I've read several of the Dalai Lama's books and found great wisdom in his perspective and insight. Obama, I haven't read his book, hope to soon, yet, his speeches remind me of Martin Luther King, and hope will be coming to my own country. Something to look forward to.
On Oprahs webcast of Jon Kabat Zinn show she read this poem. I feel a deep connection with the words and picture that's being presented.
Love After Love
The time will come when, with elation you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life.
One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon--instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. -Dale Carnegie
As the rain falling out of the clouds becomes the life origin for plants, so the stream of creativeness becomes the source of life for a man. Let us feel the pulse of a creative spirit within a man, which sustains his or her vitality, for it, is the only way for one to join the river of eternity. As this truth submerges a man in joy like the sunrays, he or she feels incredibly happy. The spirit of creativity like a stream flowing in a man and watering a dry land of his or her soul, refreshing it and awakening up new forces – a creation of action. It seems that time and eternity merge within a man. Let us aim at awakening within ourselves this state producing success and desire for harmony. -Augustinas Rakauskas,
I don't feel creative today, it's raining outside, time for me to curl up and read a good book on a lazy Saturday... Here is a cool quiz about which Twilight Charachter You resemble. I love the charachtor Carlisle in the books series. Actually, they all are awesome.
Which Twilight character are YOU?
Your Result: Carlisle Cullen
ahh.. Carlisle.. the very smart very stongly opionated Carlisle.. and not only THAT but he's hot for a dad :) i mean REALLY sharp looking.. and rich :)
This songs been around a year so, I've just discovered it and it says how I am feeling about some things... The Lyrics:
The smell of your skin lingers on me now You're probably on your flight back to your home town I need some shelter of my own protection, baby To be with myself and center Clarity, peace, serenity I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, myself and I We've got some straightening out to do And I"m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I've got to get a move on with my life It's time to be a big girl now and big girls don't cry Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry The path that I"m walking, I must go alone I must take baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they? And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, myself and I We've got some straightening out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I've got to get a move on with my life It's time to be a big girl now and big girls don't cry LIke the little school mate in the school yard we'll play jacks and uno cards I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine Valentine Yes you can hold my hand if you want to 'Cause I want to hold yours too We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds but it's time for me to go home It's getting late, dark outside I need to be with myself and center Clarity, peace, serenity I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, myself and I We've got some straightening out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I've got to get a move on wiht my life It's time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry Don't cry, Don't cry, Don't cry.
I can't come up with a better title for this post. The last week or two, I've been watching a friend of mine, doing exactly this. I don't know why her self worth is based on how attractive she is or the attention she gets from men, while neglecting some important things in her life. Then I realize, why am I pointing a finger at her? I've done this exact same thing, and I have no right to judge her. Though, this dilemma, made me pause to wonder about some things. So, I'm musing on this issue, hunting for a man or a companion, since I'm sure females aren't the only ones who are doing this. Why is our society based on looking for a mate? I've been without a constant male companionship for four years now. I do have a male friend, who off and on, replaced the companionship of Rick, but it's not exactly the same. Because well, he lives in his own apartment, and we have a passionate and tumultuous relationship. I am grateful for this relationship, because I have learned many things from this experience. He is a good friend, despite some things. My dream last night says it all to me, thanks to the pointing out of some key things from my sister, Joy. I am ok with that, I'm not on the same path, as my friends. Yet, I still love them and support them, I'm sure the feelings mutual. I am ok alone, and after Ricks passing, I made the decision to not go hunting for a man, though some of the people in my life, pushing, by making comments, and encouraging me to go on dating sites, and I'm uncomfortable, not because of getting to know a stranger, or things like that. It is more personal, it's deeper than that. My spirit, twirling around with new concepts daily, and I'm still on shaky foundation. Yes, I do get lonely, I do wish to be held, kissed, have romance in my life, somehow, I've realized, I have key issues to get through first. For example, intimacy, trust, loving myself, and learning to take care of my needs. I want to get my college education, I want to explore photography more, and explore many different subjects, that I've put off, because of grieving the loss of many things the past four years. A deep friendship that ended, because of a MAN, the tumultuous relationship with a man, the death of a dear person in my life, and the death of my dad. Learning new skills became an issue, because suddenly, I became independent of my thoughts, spirit, actions, dreams, hopes, love, desires, everything. I did not have to be on constant edge, submiting my thoughts, emotions, spirit, actions, and I became in control over my own life. A new concept for me. I became afraid of this new power, and I found ways to let others have it, but now, I am learning to enjoy that power. I am still learning, and frankly, I don't want my desire for a man to hault the new develope inside of me. The woman who harvested new life skills and can be a better companion because of them...
I've been reading the Stephanie Meyer books, I'm now onto the 4th Breaking Dawn. I'm looking forward to the movie of her first book Twilight. Here is a clip of it...
Fall, many things represnet fall to me. The leaves change color, from bright green, into yello, burnt orange, red, and finally brown, where they end up on the ground. I hear the dead leaves crunching under my feet, while I am walking to my mail box. At my apartments, we have a huge oak tree. It is shape shifting into his winter mode, where it will be barren until spring. The great oak, must be about a hundred years old. This morning, I saw a squirrel burying nuts underneath it's trunk, getting ready for winter... I don't know how squirrels do it, burying nuts, and then patting the ground until it is hard to tell where they bury them, and then finding them during the winter months. How do they do that? It's a truly amazing thing to watch...
More photographs from my trip with my friend Amber... I've been busy reading, the Stephanie Meyer books, her saga of Edward, Bella, and Jacob... The movie comes out on November 21st and I am going to see it in the theaters. I'm excited.. Twilight, I finished it in one day... Now, I'm onto New Moon... I own these two, my friemd Amber, loaned me the other two... I'm off to read...
Something inside of me, changing, like the color of the leaves in the fall. I'm beginning to see differently, things around me... Change, apart of life, something I feared, still do. My fortune cookie said to me: "Remember it's about the journey, not the final destination." I'm ready to change my color... Again!
A dream of mine came true Sunday night, I saw Heart live. I love Hearts' music, ever since I was a young girl and there first album "Dreamboat Annie" came out in 1976. I remember my sister Vickie and I singing the song "Dog and Butterfly" together. I wish my sister Vickie could have been there with me, but she was unable. Journey was awesome too, even the new lead singer gave his all and pulled it off. I enjoyed singing along to all the words with my friend Amber and seeing Ann and Nancy perform live... You girls Rock!!! Thanks for sharing your talent...
I am reading Diane Ackermans' book "Cultivating Delight", I am enjoying it, especially since I am not able to go out and enjoy nature at this moment, I am sick. Ugh!!! I took this picture this summer, when my sister Vickie came up for a visit for two weeks. The Cowee Man River is a beautiful place. I love trees, the bigger, the better they are.
I am sick, I hate it. I am coughing, my lips dry, my nose stuffed, my back aches from laying in bed, I can't lay down, because when I do I cough and cough and I can't stop. I am in a terrible mood. I did go to the hospital on Saturday, only to find out I have some form of pnemonia and it sucks, I wish the anti-biotics would kick in and heal me. I need a miracle. I am asking for a miracle here. My friend, who is going to Belgium, leaves tomorrow, I am babysitting his cat and his apartment for the two weeks he will be gone. The trooper in me, plans on still doing this, despite how I am feeling and I am going to do it. I just wish this would go away so that I can enjoy his big screen TV and my visit with Mr. Man (his cat) while he is away. I don't have any critters of my own, so I am looking forward to this time with Mr. Man. I also want to say farewell to my friend... I hate staying in bed all day, doing nothing, but looking at the walls, coughing up my lungs, and making treks to the bathroom. The pleasure of the internet is not fun anymore too. Even reading, which I enjoy, is a chore to do. Yet, I started Diane Ackermans, Cultivating Delights. I am enjoying her stories about her garden and the deer that visit her garden. For a few moments, my mind is off of being sick, then, wham! I start in on this coughing bit, my stomach hurts from all this cough, I swear, I am building up my abs, by coughing. Hey, that can be the new exercise fad that can go around, coughing to build up your abs. Can you see the info commercials now? Sorry, I'm in a bit of a mood today, actually for the last few days. I will stop for now, before I say something even worse... I wish everyone good health...
Abba music brings me serenity and joy into my life. This morning, as I am writing my morning pages, I am listenig to Abba. Take a chance on me, Dancing Queen, Fernando, Knowng me, Knowing you, all awesome songs. Thank you to Monte for making a CD copy of this cd for my collection...
I took a trip to my local library, I got tired of sitting at home, feeling sorry for myself. So, I went to my library, looking at the stacks of books that were their ripe for the picking. I went a strolled down the spiritual/religion section and I got five great finds. I'm looking forward to reading these sacred books. I also got a fiction novel to read too, for a total of six...
My mom is on my mind today, I've thinking about her, missing some of the good things about her, and also contemplating how much my life truly changed in the course of 21 years since her passing. I just finished the 6th grade, and I moved to Longview, Washington, to be with my sister and her family. Looking on it, grieving, contemplating, and an overwhelming sense of loss, waves over me like a banner. Though, I do have to say, from every experience I have learned many valuable lessons in my life. That life throw unbelievable sadness and happiness at different times in ones life. Every experience, somehow shapped me into the person I am. Somehow, that blunt, bulldog, tiger girl's been lost. That is one of my greatest fears, to become and die like my mother did. That is what I am thinking of today, my mothers life and death, and the many adventures I went on in my life. I feel like a great explorer, roaming around, observing things. When I look at the kaelodescope of my life, I see every shape, color, and demension of the people who have become a part of my life, some are still here, some are gone. Each one holds a key that unlocks a door, showing, behind the door new ways of viewing certain situations in my life. An example: I went from a single mother, who became besieged with mental problems, to a sister whose house elapsed into the drug haven of the whole city of Longview and beyond, to a fundamentalist sect Christian family, to a man who loved Elvis and nothing more. All these experiences somehow became a part of my foundation, one that I am not ashamed of anymore. I can't be, though at times it shook it, crumbled it, I still didn't break, I didn't die, I didn't became a blob of nothing. I stood it, and yet I still have my humanity. I am appreciating my blunt perspectives, my compassionate, genrious nature, and also the tiger that I am when I am fighting for someone or something I love. I can't change who I am... I've always told everyone that I don't know who I am, the fog is lifting that I've been in for so long. It is possible to love yourself and to love others the same... Balance can be reached.
Joystory is hosting a book give away from Hachette books. The books they are giving away look rather intriguing, especially the ones on leadership... Go check it out...
