Changing

I have been thinking a lot about what my sister Vickie and I discussed the other day. My entire life, I have built on what others have thought of me, whatever I could do to make them happy, I took on that responsibility, whatever their moods were, problems they were having, and if they were mad, sad, pissed, angry, or frustrated I took that upon myself, and it was my fault that they were in those moods. Why? I do not know why, I don’t. Thinking back on it, it must have started with my real mom, I felt responsible for her mood swings and her problems. Though they had nothing to do with me, I still took them upon my shoulders.
So last night and this morning, I made up my mind, I am not responsible for anyone but myself. I cannot control the world, and I do not control others. I can only control what I think, say, or believe. I am not going to be the victim and let others put me in the victim role any longer. It is not my responsibility. I refuse to put it on my shoulders whether or not I make you happy. I have to be me, I have my own voice, opinions, thoughts, tastes, dreams, and desires. I am not going to please and make you happy and I am not obligated to do so. I can only make me happy. I believe this. I can only make myself happy. I have my freedom now, I do not have to bend to anyone’s whims and unrealistic expectations. I am free.
I will be lonely, bored, sad, angry, frustrated, at times, but I have to be grateful for what I have in my life. I have been given many gifts and I have not picked them up, I have been bind by others expectations and their thoughts of what I should be. I cannot do that any longer. The core person is in jeopardy and I cannot let her get lost any further than she already is. I feel that the end of the long journey that I have been on is coming to an end. I am grateful for my life and what I have been taught so far. I am changing my perspective and getting out of the delusion of my own making. I am not blinded by the masks any more. They are gone, I see truth and I am being set free.