I Am Longing For Spring

Trampoline Time!

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

I received my mini-trampoline in the mail today. I am so excited. Fun was not had when it came to assembling, true strength and patients was needed. I enjoyed my three mini two minute workouts. Right now I’m concentrating on balancing, doing the major acrobats that the lady demonstrates on the DVD is not doable, at least not yet.
I’m still in the process of working thru a lot of mental and emotional stress that’s been eating away at me. So, I’m focusing on the physical to ease some of the tension. I do have goals, dreams, desires, feelings, and I’m processing thru all of them, making doable plans that work for me. A new thing for me…

Sunday Serenity

I received Dr. Wayne W Dyer’s Spiritual Solutions on DVD in the mail from NetFlix today. I thoroughly enjoyed watching the program. I watched it twice.
I gathered many cool points, I’m so thankful that I found the experiment he did in the program and also the prayer from Frances of Assi’s prayer. A lot of what he said sparked many ideas and realizations. I’m going through a hard time, re-evaluating many aspects of my life. Seems to me that I’m always doing that, maybe life is about evaluating what works and what doesn’t. I’m at a turning point in my life and a choice must be executed no matter what. I am going to follow through on something that my inner self has been telling me for a long time. It’s time… Taking a break from a certain relationship on my own terms, instead of his, and I am sure I’ll be lonely and want to contact him in some form, I also believe that I am strong and stubborn enough to not do it. I proved that to myself already with other things.




LORD, make us instruments of Your peace.

Where there is hatred, let us sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is discord, union;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that we may not seek to much

to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardonning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen

-- Attributed to John Bernardone ("Francis of Assisi"), 13th Century

Health And Spirit My Theme For 2010

I recently signed up for Netflix. I’m enjoying getting DVDs in the mail. I watched Ruby, The First 100 Pounds and I got inspired. I am on my own journey to fight the battle of being obese. I found her blog, also she’s on face book, since I do not have any way of watching TV I can keep up with her progress and read her inspiring story.
That’s not the only DVD I have gotten, I’ve been going movie crazy. As soon as I get one, I watch and send it back right away. I don’t have much of a life, plus I am still recovering from my almost two year battle to breathe. I am hoping to incorporate other things into my life, slowly, as I am on the journey to see what I love in my life. I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of two books by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer and Cheryl Richardson.
I fell in love with the movie Julie and Julia. Oh my, I love to cook, but have lost the inspiration. I do not have anyone to cook for but myself. I eat easy now a days, occasionally I will whip up a soup or stew. I still enjoyed Julie Powell’s journey of cooking through Julia Child’s French cookbook. I will be whipping up some great recipes soon, even if I am the only one who gets to enjoy them.
I’ve also watched Ghost Hunters, The Biggest Loser: Yoga, not very good in my opinion, and 1408. I am expecting Reign Over Me and Wayne Dyer: Spiritual Solutions. Do you see a theme forming? I do, health and spirit seems to be my motto for the year. My queue of movies seems to be growing as I research them out.

Demon Of The Fat Lady

“You’ve been provided with a perfect body to house your soul for a few brief moments in eternity. So regardless of its size, shape, color, or any imagined infirmities, you can honor the temple that houses you by healthfully, exercising, listening to your bodies needs, and treating it with dignity and love.” Dr. Wayne Dyer.

I went to bed early and got up early. It’s four in the morning while I am writing this. I’ve been in a perpetual hell the last couple of weeks, maybe closer to a month now. A friend who I have held dear despite the many ups and downs of our past together is behaving in a malicious and cruel way towards me again. It seems from the pattern it always happens when they are in a new relationship. I have let it derail me long enough, it’s time to just let everything go and let it flow. I’m tired of being beaten up emotionally by the same old pattern of our relationship. I feel powerless, I’ve let it warp my mind to the point where I have not accomplished any of my dreams, hopes, desires, and just plain old living my life. I got out of the hospital 3 weeks ago tomorrow. The traumatic experience of not being able to breathe properly for a long time left me feeling a lot of emotional things. Then wham, another blow to me, someone decides to insult me and be a jerk. I’ve had enough, I’m tired of wallowing in the pain of rejection and dejection. I am drawing the line and putting a stop to this whack out thinking in my head.
I am obese, I have been losing weight for the last 5 years, its been going up and down. Luckily, I have not reached my highest weight 397 pounds, and I am stubborn enough not to let myself get that far gone. I am out of control in my eating again, yes, I have the classic eating addiction. I eat especially when I am going through any emotional trauma and the last 5 years has been a roller coaster of events. I proved to myself that I am a strong woman, hey, I fought not being able to breathe for 2 years, don’t you think I can fight the demon of the fat lady, who conjures herself up every time a new disaster faces her. I know I can. So, my choice is to get back on the weight loss horse and get moving. I walked down my hallway today, hopefully my new mini trampoline comes soon and I’m getting back into the practice of mindfulness that I’ve been preaching to everyone else about for many moons. It’s hard to take your own advice, so I am tired of being a talker and not a doer. So I am doing.
I am sure there will be obstacles along the way, I am hoping the tools that I do have will stop my spiral before I get to spawn on the self destructive path again.
I am going to trust the few people I have in my life and trust my inner most sacred voice that guides me.
I started the first step, I am fasting for a couple of days. From today, Friday until Monday. I am fasting, drinking lots of water and other fluids. I am jump starting my body into a new regiment. I am also doing something different, I’m going to keep track of every morsel that I put into my mouth so that I can gauge how much I am consuming every day. I’ll keep you posted on my progress every Friday that will help me be accountable. Until next Friday, have a healthy and blissful week.

Starbucks An Old Friend, And Self Evauluation

I met with an old friend that I have not seen in many years, Sarah. I enjoyed our visit. My nerves were jumping up and down waiting to met up with her at Starbucks, she and I were never that close of friends. I did admire her from afar. We both got awake tea, she crochet while we visited.
I have a lot of stuff on my mind, mainly whats on my mind is where do I go from here. Everyone has ideas and opinions, usually, I would jump up and do whatever anyone would say that I needed to do. I am too exhausted to even think of doing that, each person in my life has an idea. I have been focusing on this one friendship for many years, up and down, all around it goes. I am on nauseating roller coaster ride that continues to be the same thing. I am so tired of it. How many times do you have to hear from someone they do not enjoy your company, you embarrass them in public, or whatever other cruel things they say to you? I am apparently not human in this persons eyes.
I am tired of being in an unhealthy relationship. I sometimes feel like I want to avoid having any type of relationship with anyone, but I know that is not the answer. I do need some time to myself, I feel in my heart that is the next step, I've been putting that off, like I've been putting off exercising, eating correctly, reading, writing, school, and so many other things that I can't think of them all.
So, after two weeks from the surgery and my near death experience, I'm once again waiting for the next step. I want to scream, wheres my next step universe. What the hell am I suppose to do now? My house shows the chaotic state that I am in now, I am one of those believers that believe the clutter demonstrates the state that you are in. Since I've moved into my apartment last August, I've been keeping it clean and organized, I've been slacking off on it since Monte, yep, that's the friend I am speaking about.
I am choosing to let all the painful communication go between us and concentrate on what I want for a change. I am going to figure that out. That truly is the next step. I cannot do what someone else expects me to do anymore. I've got to go about things in my own timing and way. Quoting my sister Vickie and my friend Sarah, "It is what it is". I am taking those words into my psyche.

Happy Birthday Mom.

Sunday was my mom's 78th birthday, so all four of us kids got to spend it with her. i had a great time...


Levi my nephew.



My mom opening her birthday gifts.




My sister Joy and our mom. My mom's 78 as of Sunday...




My sister Joy sewing one of her bookmarks.

Picture Of The Day

Here is a photograph I took yesterday on my road trip to Rice Hill with two of my sisters and my niece. We had a grand day...