Sunday Serenity #5

What brings me serenity is gaining order in my life. I gained order, by obtaining a car, which is essential for me to keep my freedom. I rearranged my living room this evening, tearing down some old furniture that was not serving me well, hooking up new speakers, and I like the placement a lot better. Serenity isn’t just inside of us, but is in our homes, cars, and the places that are around us. If I want peace, I have to make my environment organized, peaceful, and happy, not for company but for my own comfort and enjoyment. I bought some scents to enjoy in my own, and other things that will bring a sense of serenity, peace, and a well balanced life for me. Learning to make notes to keep me mindful of what needs to get done, listening to the people, who truly are my loved ones is also essential for me too,even when I don't like what they are saying.

Odd Ball

Mr. Man, my friend Montes' cat. Isn't he cute? Though, he has nothing to do what I am writing about, I felt the need to include him. He used to be my cat, but I gave him to Monte and now Monte and him are partners for life. LOL




I am feeling rested now, this morning at 5 AM I drove Carissa and Amber up to Seattle, so that Carissa can meet the ferry to take her to Victoria to see her boyfriend. It was a good trip good laughs, great music, and pretty scenery, well not until the sun light came across the sky. On the way home was not so good. Rain, rain, rain, pouring down from the sky made it hard to see, but it was still a great trip. The last 20 miles home I had a hard time keeping my eyes open. Monte kept me awake on the phone until I got home and then I went straight to bed. Sleep felt good, I didn’t sleep well, because the combination of being on a couch and in a strange house that was not my own. I feel much better, thank God. I bought some speakers that were better than my old ones for $40 and I am looking forward to hooking them up tonight, now that I am feeling awake. LOL I have some big plans, and though last night I was feeling unsure of things, it is funny how the light of day can bring some perspective on things. I had a good talk with Amber on the way back home this morning, she is going through some major changes herself, the unknown is a frightening place, but we can’t stand still waiting for things to happen, we have to keep moving on and be the strong capable people we are. I’ve been questioning myself, repeating patterns that are not serving me well, giving up on myself, my perspective, beliefs, and I don’t want that bull in my life. Hibernating myself away from the world is not going to solve my problems or keep me safe, I have some plans. My big sister Vickie wants to purchase an apartment 4 or 8 plex here in Vancouver where I live and have me manage it with her. That would be a cool investment opportunity for me, and I’m going to do it. So, I’ll be searching out some possibilities in that area. Second, I’m going to continue to lose the weight that I so desperately want to lose and keep on going down that path. I just bought Bob Greens’ new book, “The Best Life Diet” and I also got the companion book to keep track of your progress. I am looking forward to reading it, and I am also looking forward to reading Wynonna Judds’ biography, I read her moms, but Wynonna is a fascinating woman in my eyes, so is Ashley. Actually, all three are awesome.

Seattle

Carissa and Amber. Carissa is getting ready to get on the ferry to go to Victoria Canada.

The waterfront

Along the waterfront

Seattle street with the train tracks and the beautiful buildings.

A poppy flower in downtown.

The amtrak train in downtown Seattle, next the the waterfront.

The beautiful city of Seattle and the space needle.


The Space needle on the side.

My Ramblings

I'm spending the night at my friend Ambers' place. I'm driving to Seattle with her and her little sister Carissa. Carissa is going to Victoria Canada to see her boyfriend for a week, I'm excited for her. I've never been to Victoria Canada, but I've been told it looks a lot like Europe. I want to go someday. A lot of interesting things have been happening for me lately. I've been enjoying my freedom, but I fear I may be going way too far in my enjoyment. I have felt like a caged tiger for too long and now I'm out on the prowl, so to speak. I don't want what happened last time to happen now. I also realize that I need to settle down, figure things out, work on my future, instead of just waiting for it to happen. It isn't going. I'm not happy, though I should be. What the hell do I want to do with the next 30 or so years? I also don't want to concentrate on a certain person, that I've been wasting so much time and energy on, because frankly, it is going to make me more miserable. I have these voices in my life that all have opinions, advice, including my own, and I'm not sure where I stand, what to do, or even what I want? My whole life I've been doing what everyone else wants, holding back my emotions and feelings, letting everyone have control, but never ceasing the ropes myself. What kind of life am I going to have if it keeps up? I go for people who are not available for me? That are in constand mood swings and other dilemas and I'm here wondering what the heck? Should I do what I want to do, take a week or two to myself, no contact, and breath in my own thoughts, dreams, revelations, and cherish what I need to. Is that selfish? Or is it necessary for my own sanity?

Freedom In Four Wheels

These pictures are from the day I purchased my car. I have been without my own transportation for a year, and now I am FREE at last. I felt good today. I discovered at Lane Bryant that I am a smaller size than I thought, which shocked me. I've been losing weight, but didn't realize how much my body has changed, until I tried on clothes. No one else saw either, until I got smaller size, instead of wearing tents as garments.lol

Bright, Shinning, and Maroon

I finally bought my new car, well it is used, but new to me. It is a 1992 Toyota Camary. I love it, it is comfortable and has all the options that I want on it. I love it. I'm so happy.

Songs

bold the songs you've heard before.

Lips Like Morphine - Kill Hannah
Welcome to the Black Parade - My chemical romance
What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flats
Pain - Three Days Grace
Girl Next Door - Saving Jane
Smack Dat - Akon, Eminem
Lips of an Angel - Hinder
Because of You - Kelly Clarkson
Miss Murder - AFI
Irreplaceable - Beyonce
Me & U - Cassie
Wind It Up - Gwen Stefani
What Goes Around Comes Around - Justin Timberlake
Beautiful - Christina Auguliara
Bad Day - Daniel Powter
London Bridge - Fergie
Lala - Ashlee Simpson
Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood
You're Beautiful - James Blunt
My Band - D12
The After Dinner Payback - From Autumn to Ashes
Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence
You're So Vain - Carly Simon
In Da Club - 50 Cent
Seize the Day - Avenged Sevenfold
Rockstar - Nickelback
It Ends Tonight - All American Rejects
Dance Dance - Fall Out Boy
Toxic - Britney Spears
Back in Black - AC/DC
Lying Through Your Teeth - Head Automatica
Down with the Sickness - Disturbed
American Idiot - Green Day
Stupid Girl - Pink
Rompe - Daddy Yankee
Naked in My Bed - Fricken’ A
But It's Better If You Do - Panic! at the Disco
Writing on the Walls - Underoath
Westchester - Marks of a Hero
Makedamnsure - Taking Back Sunday
Family Affair - Jessica Simpson
Lose Control - Missy Elliot
Blue Prints for the Future - Norma Jean
How to Save a Life - The Fray
Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard
Fuck Ya Man - Tila Tequila
Newport Living - Cute Is What We Aim For
Maxwell Murder - Rancid
The Kill - 30 Seconds to Mars
Heroine - From First to Last
Keep Holding On - Avril Lavigne
Rich - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
The Crowing - Coheed & Cambria

Full Moon

I took this picture of the moon above my apartment from my deck outside. I live next the I5 and I saw this the other night. I didn't realize that we were going to have a second full moon in one month. That is rare, I gather from what some people are saying, I have no idea. This is the first nature shot I have taken since I have received my camera back. I've been enjoying it, and have had some major fun. I can't wait until I can go on some nature walks and take more pictures.

More Pictures Of Me.

Me with make up on. Wow


Amber and Russ. It was Monte's birthday and this was on his deck.


Monte, Amber, and I


Amber and I

Sunday Serenity #4

Well, this week, it's been tough, too many thoughts buzzying in my brain cells after my near death experience and facing the challenges of yet another change that I must make for me. Something that brings me serenity has been a tough one for me today, but getting out and getting some fresh air. Feeling the sun on my face, the breeze on my body, and accomplishing something on my own, brings me peace of mind.

Home On Leave

This afternoon my nephew Jesse and my sister in law Kris called to invite me out to lunch, before he goes back on Sunday. It was great seeing them both, here are a few pictures of Jesse and Kris that I took. He is going to Iraq in November, I’m sad about it, but he is in my prayers.

Two New Pictures

This is my long time friend Amber and I.


This is my nephew Ric and I taken today.

My Inner Photographer

Which famous photographer are you? Ansel Adams: Known for large scale silver gelatin landscapes especially of Yosemite National Park "Sometimes I do get to places just when God's ready to have somebody click the shutter."

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Check It Out.

www.preciousjewelgraphics.com

Sunday Serenity #3

This weeks Sunday Serenity I decided to write about some important people in my life. Since Thursday night, when I had the scare of my life and I received my diagnosis, I realized some things about myself. And I have made some huge decisions, I have to take better care of myself, and I have to accept offers of help and the love that some people have for me too. I am at peace with these wonderful people in my life, My sisters, Vickie, Joy, and Carri, my mom, Monte, and Amber, and anyone else whom I am forgetting.

Being Hit With Curve Balls

I don’t know how to start this blog, I just know that I have to write it. It Is something that is on my mind, because another disaster hit me hard on Thursday night. My leg swelled up, and when I laid down my breathing was constricted. My friend Monte called around 9 PM and I couldn’t catch my breath and I stood up, to turn on the light, and I was labored in my breathing. When I stood up I suddenly felt hot, I couldn’t catch my breath. I asked Monte to come and take me to the hospital, but he said no, that I should call for an ambulance instead. So, I hung up on him and I called for help, I gave my information to the phone operator and I waited for the ambulance, I called Monte back and I let him know what I did. He stayed on the phone with me until they arrived, which didn’t take too long. I made it to the Salmon Creek Legacy Hospital here in Vancouver Washington. It is a newly built hospital and the staff was excellent. I was admitted in and they ran all kinds of test, I felt like a pin cushion. My diagnosis was congestive heart failure, yes, at 33 years old I have congestive heart failure. I’m feeling emotionally upset, thinking to myself what more can go wrong, how much more can I take, will these curves balls stop hitting me in my head, chest, and face? I’m feeling battered, drained, upset, loved, and blessed all at once. Monte, whom I have had a tremulous relationship with for a bit, showed me how much he truly is a friend to me. He called my sister Vickie, the only phone number I could remember, I couldn’t remember my moms number, so he called my sister and left her a nice message about me. She of coursed called my mom, and so forth. Monte visited me in the hospital for a few hours after work. Sitting in the hospital bed, waiting for answers to questions, waiting to get things done, and then hearing what the outcome was, finally. I felt relieved when I left this evening, but sitting at home, thinking about the daunting task that I am going to have ahead of me, changing my diet again, (I was diagnosis with diabetes 4 years ago, and I have managed to not need meds, because I changed my diet.) Well, I believe that saying is true, “be like elastic, learn to stretch with whatever comes along.” I don’t know who said it, but I remember someone saying it to me when I was younger.

33 & Still Kicking It!

This is a photo journal of my thirty third birthday, which was Monday. I got to spend time with some family and great friends. I had a great day. Thank you Monte for dinner, the drive up to Longview to see my mom, and of course the Tori Amos DVD collection. Thanks mom, it was great seeing you and visiting with you. It was awesome seeing you Carri and Levi too. It was awesome seeing Amber and her family. I'm blessed.

Hey Cinderella

I bought the Cinderella DVD and I watched it last night. It brought back so many memories for me. I remember I had the story book when I was a little girl. The fantasy of finding my prince charming, the evil step mother and the evil step sisters resonated within the little girl. I felt like a little girl again when I watched it, the romance, the beauty even faced with the viciousness of the people who were suppose to love and take of you, I could feel myself in that story and I also feel that way about Snow White too. I want that too, someday I will have that one.

My Evolving Life

I’ve been feeling darn good lately, a huge boulder has been lifted from my entire body. I feel like I can finally put Rick behind me and move on with my life, which is something I have been wanting and aching to do for the last 2 years. He has been dead for over three years now, and I do miss him, but I also realized some things about our relationship and what I truly want in a new one. I also realized that I need to do a lot of hard work to get where I am confident, secure, and happy with me. This week has been a whirlwind of activities that I have been dying to do for a long time. My awesome friend, Monte, has been my chauffer, I am currently seeking to purchase a car, and he has been gracious enough to take me and to also shop with me. I have never meet a man that loves to shop, and no he is not gay, I think that is only a figment of some ones imagination that only gay men love to shop. I got some things that I have been needing badly and I stocked up on them all, especially, my most feared loss of a certain item, toilet paper. Yes, I have a fear of not having any when I need it, it stems from my childhood where we often went without it and it is no fun wiping oneself with odd things. I apologize, I just gave too much information, didn’t I? LOL
Well, on to one of my favorite subjects, MUSIC, I love it. I splurged and I bought myself the new Tori Amos CD American Girl Posse. I absolutely love it, as usual, Tori showed us her passion and zest for music, and what she believes in. I absolutely love the song Big Wheel. I bought the deluxe version, I have the deluxe of The Beekeeper and Scarletts’ Walk too. Check her music out, if you haven’t heard it.

Lily

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist. People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you. You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words. Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?