I am still assimilating my day. A thousand clarity moments happened for me, things that I have not dealt with in a long time. My minds been muted by the chaos that’s been around me. The last four years have been a slurry of events, emotional roller coaster rides, beginning with the diagnosis of my dads colon cancer in December. Then in February the same day my dad had his first chemo treatment, Rick suddenly passed away. Then catapulted from there to where I am now. The reason this all is coming back to me now, is my new position with Georgia. A woman who is passing away from ovarian cancer, and watching her mate of 5 years, struggling with that assessment. The realization that she is not going to be around much longer. She is already not eating, which is the first step of dying. I know this all too well. Dying started for me at age 13, with my real mother, and I have been dealing with it ever since. Like my sister Vickie, who helped one of her neighbors pass on in this world from colon cancer, I too draw people who are dying to my door step. This bugs me, because well, I don’t like watching all the angst that is associated with death. The mourning, the anger, the frustration of the people who are being left behind. Though, from my experience, you can move on and hold in your soul the memory of the essence of that person. The lessons, the love, the serenity, the sweet moments that you shared in your life with that person. Even the shitty parts that at the moment don’t feel great, in the end, really do matter. They shape the soul you become. No one is a mountain, standing alone, we are all beings of one essence. The source of life that also produces death. I felt Georgia’s loss of dignity of herself today. When she expressed to me, I am so embarrassed, because she needed help with a bath. I said, everyone needs help eventually and you are not less of a person because of this. That moment, put me into the reality of the rhythm of life. How kindness and compassion is essential in life. Expressing those things is difficult and you have to use wisdom and intuition from the source of God to show you what the steps are to take in matters. This day, set a synchronicity of moments that guided me. I opened my heart and soul to receiving those messages. Opening my minds eye and my souls eye to the signs that were around me.
Georgia lives on a piece of land, with 5 cows. Here are some pictures of it, I felt calm, at peace looking around me. It’s beauty overwhelmed me with desire of land of my own someday. I am taking the suggestions of today and creating that woman that I know that I am. I am setting off on the greatest journey that I will ever be on. The journey is me. And it starts with a single step and I already started it thirty three years ago, when I was blessed enough to be born.
They had a lot of birdhouses everywhere.
The shapes of these trees new the water spot fascinated me. I liked their shape.
Picture of the land.
The cows watering spot, I didn't see any cows though.
The gate to the pasture, where the cows hang out.
1 comment:
very moving post. dream big sister-friend
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