Adventure

Five minutes before I got off of work, my cell phone rang, it was Monte. I called him back after work, he wanted to go to the park with me, the one I went to several weeks ago with Amber, another friend. I enjoyed my visit with him and our trip. We visited the Columbia River and we stopped at this awesome Catholic church called St. Johns. These pictures illustrate our adventure.

We parked at the park, several airplanes, jets, old planes flew over our heads. I captured the first one here...



We went in Monte's car. This is him with his car... The pride and joy of his life.



Another plane flew over our heads and I liked the clouds in the sky tha framed it.



I liked the way the trees framed the I-5 bridge on the Washington side. The other side is Portland Oregon.



I asked Monte to stand in that spot and I framed them all in. I love this picture. Monte has the pictures of me on his camera. When he shares, I'll share. lol



I took one of my, you can see him in his Lamb Of God hoodie.



Monte sat on his cement block near the Columbia river and on the sand. I think it was an old boat landing, but I am not positive.



This tree, all crooked, struck me...



We saw this beautiful church on our way to the Columbia river and so we planned to stop on the way back to my house. So here it is.



The St. Johns Catholic Church sign.



The red color of the front of the church fascinated me. I liked the shade of red and everything. It is so beautiful. The whole building, wow, beautiful.



Monte and the red door to the entrance of the church.



Monte in front of the red door. I love this door.



The side view of ST. Johns Catholic Church.



The Lady Of Vancouver. She is holding the church in her hands, I wish the picture could capture the beauty of this statue.



The Lady Of Vancouver, another shot.



This church bell was made in 1885. It is amazing. I had to touch it.




The court yard gates.




the court yard, with tree with buds.

A Rose, A Thief

It's been one of those does just like those lyrics in the Limp Bizkit song, you wanna break something tonight. This morning, I woke up feeling so good, ready to go to work, ready to come home and plant my rose bush and glads. I went to my car and someone decided to rip my car stereo out of my car last night. I am getting tired of this. I have no idea what the universe is trying to tell me, other than there is absolute jerks out there, willing to take whatever they want from someone else, to make their lives so much easier. You can say I was angry, deeply so. I have never felt this kind of emotion, not to this extreme that I felt it today. I went to work, trying to be my normal positive self, but I couldn't cut the mustard. Every time I look at that hole, I just want to punch someone. I hate feeling that way. When I got home, I got a surprise in my mail box, a relaxing CD with lavender essential oil. I needed to relax, contemplate, decide what to do now, and so I listened to the new CD. It is beautiful, nature sounds, and I smelled the lavender oil. I love the smell of lavender. I picked myself up, went outside to my balcony and planted my peace rose and my glads that I got recently. I saw the purple crocus and the yellow crocus that I planted in the fall blooming. That cheered me up. Then I came back in, and a friend of mine was on-line and we chatted. He can make me laugh and feel good. Consequently my anger became null and void. I even went back out tonight to get things from the trunk of my car and I saw that gapping hole and I was at peace. Life sure can throw you curve balls...






Me planting glads



Purple Crocus

Pictionary

1. Go to photobucket.com
2. Type in your answer for each question into the PhotoBucket search bar.
3. Choose your favorite photo to represent your answer.
4. Copy the html and paste it here.
5. You can only answer in picture form.

1. What is your 1st name



2. What month is your birthday?





3. What kind of car do you drive?







5. What's your favorite color?




6.Who is your celebrity crush?




7. Where do you work?

Not my exact place of work, but close enough.

a href="http://s178.photobucket.com/albums/w271/pkbaldwin/?action=view¤t=clip_image002-1.jpg" target="_blank">


8. What's your favorite movie?





and





9. What's your favorite clothing line?
Do not have one...sorry



10.What's your favorite vacation destination?




11. What's your favorite dessert?





12. What's your favorite TV show?





13. What are you afraid of?





14. What do you want to be when you grow up?





15. What's the love of your life?







16. What is your favorite accessory?












17. Describe yourself................

A Tree

I've lived at my apartment for almost three years and I have always loved this big tree that proudly stands in my driveway. It is so beautiful, even in the winter. I LOVE trees, shapely, strong, unique, proud, peaceful, not perfect and it makes me think of so many things when I look at them. Why we as a society only want things a certain way, instead of appreciating everyones differences. Beauty, is a soul defining moment, when you realize that though my thighs wobble, I have cellulite everywhere, and other imperfections. I am still beautiful because I smile, because I have a good soul and heart. I love the TV show, "How To Look Good Naked" Carson, impliments this idea into the women he encounters. I am learning to appreciate the things that make me who I am.

Photographs Say So Much

I got all dressed up for an appointment today, so I took some pictures of myself.

Sunday Serenity #22

Meditation brings me serenity. The last two days, I have spent an hour on a meditation CD from Marianne Williamson. Doing something like meditate or take care of yourself brings peace to your soul...

Songs Of Mass Destruction

I am in LOVE. Yes, you read it right, in LOVE. I discovered an album by Annie Lennox called “Songs Of Mass Destruction.” I love Annie Lennox, her voice, her lyrics and songs she picks is wow. I’m listening to it now while I am typing this. The songs she picks makes me think she is a mystic at heart, full of wisdom. I love every song on “Songs Of Mass Destruction.” That does not happen to me often, only a few have done that to me. Here is one of the songs that just absolutely smite me in my heart and soul. The song called “Big Sky”.
ANNIE LENNOX
Big Sky

Big sky
I'm gonna hurt you
Big sky
You'll remember this
Big sky
Up above the rain
How can I ever put a stop to it?
Look you in the face again

Big sky
I'll never let you go
Big sky
Baby I told you so
Big sky
Look at this swollen pride
I got so busy lookin' out for you
When were you by my side?

When I'm breathin'
When I'm sleepin'
I can't think of nothing else
All my longing'
All my waiting'
All my wailin'
All my standin' on the shelf
How am I ever gonna get through this
Back to myself again?

Big sky
I never knew you
Big sky
Let me down again
Big sky
I'm givin' you the blame
How did I ever get stuck in this?
Give me some grace again

Won't you say it isn't so?
Watch me fallin'
See me fallin'
I slipped through
The vortex of the sky
Darkness and light
Is what's inside
Darkness and light
Is what's inside

Check it out, listen to it in a dark room, with your eyes closed, and you will feel every emotion that is behind each song. This album is not one to play while cleaning house, or doing any other task. It is meant to make you contemplate, evaluate, and feel the passion behind every word and note.

Tapestry Of Colors

I found this on a blog that I was reading, it is written by Linda L. and I found it on Nicoles blog. It hit me, because I've been saying this for years. About our lives being a tapestry of the many different people in our lives who weave themselves into our souls. I want someone to draw me a picture of a butterfly with tapestry like wings, to demenstrate this...

As women we are a tapestry - thousands of threads woven together creating who we are in this moment. So many threads and fibres of different colors, textures, and lengths. They cover all apsects of our lives - the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, social beliefs. And yet we are a work in progress - never fully complete as long as we are breathing and making choices.

Our roles are also part of the tapestry - mother, sister, friend, mentor, co worker, lover, neighbor. It is important to create and nurture the relationships with our “sisters” who support, love, play, share, and work with us. I also believe the women in our lives have played a strong part in creating our tapestry.

Natural Beauty

I took this interesting quiz tonight. This weekend, I plan on taking some needed time to evaluate some things in my life. Monday, will be four years since my life took a turn of change and I started on the path I am on now. A lot of good things have happened in the last 4 months, and I want to keep everything that I have gained.


What's Your Style? Find out @ She's Crafty

My Inner Villian

This seemed like a fun quiz to take today on Valentines day.


Your results:
You are Mystique

Mystique 56% Venom 51% Catwoman 51% Poison Ivy 51% Mr. Freeze 47% Dark Phoenix 42% The Joker 37% Green Goblin 36% Apocalypse 34% Kingpin 33% Two-Face 32% Magneto 27% Juggernaut 24% Riddler 22% Dr. Doom 21% Lex Luthor 16%

Sometimes motherly, sometimes a beautiful companion, but most of the time a deceiving vixen.

Click here to take the "Which Super Villain am I?" quiz...

Indiana Jones & The kingdom Of The Crystal Skull

I absolutely love Indiana Jones. I am excited to see this new one, which is coming out on May 22nd. I know what I am doing on that day... One of the few movies I will go and see at the theaters.
Here is a sneak preview that I snatch from my friend Carissa on myspace showing a trailor.

Trailer for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Good Grief

Sadness overwhelms me today. Though I have only known Georgia and Pete for 3 days, the sadness of not going to their home overwhelms me. I enjoyed my visits to their farm, the cows, dogs, cats, and birds all brought a sense of bliss for me. I enjoy nature, I enjoy helping people, I enjoy sitting in silence with someone, engulf in our own thoughts, and going there brought that into perspective for me. I felt a kinship with Georgia. My process of dying doesn’t include leaving this beautiful Earth, my dying process is killing and getting rid of past doubts, insecurity, and all those demonic monsters in my head that tell me that I am incapable of anything. I want more out of my life and I realize that I am capable of getting to where ever I want to get.
I’ve been so angry, I realized today. I’ve been angry with a lot of people in my life, whom, I have perceived so easily maneuver through life’s hardships and get whatever they want. I’ve been here, angry, sad, resentful, and feeling guilty. Mostly, it is guilt that captures my emotions. I love my family and I love my friends. Every single one of them brought lessons for me to learn from. Vickie, who is my real sister, who fought like hell to get where she is now. Who still struggles through the demons of our mothers abusiveness. The only other person who I feel safe talking about all those horrible memories of our past. Who loves and believes in me no matter what. Amber, who stuck by me and in her quiet way encourages and lets me know when I need to get my head out of my ass. Monte, though we have had turbulent and rocky times, every obstacle I have learned a new facet about myself. Realizing that I need to change to go with the flow of my life, as he is so capable of doing with his. Joy, who I am starting this CC change with and who throws water balloons at me when I need them to remind me that I am being a monster to myself and to others. Who understands the process that I am going through.
I do have blessings, it is hard to see them during the times when the darkness fills my eyes and all I can see is the negativity of the situation. Starting in October the veil of self deception and illusion lifted from my eyes. I saw myself as the woman that I know that I don’t want to be and that I’m not. My real mother became a bitter, angry, self destructive woman, who hated everyone, trusted no one, and believed everyone is out to get them. I saw myself becoming that way. By all means, I know and I have seen the dark side of life, more than I want to speak or remember, but I do remember that there are wonderful people out there. My eyes have been open, it is difficult to be mindful, positive, and conquer the dark depths of the past that needs to just go away. Then I realize it is something I have to accept about myself. It is what it was, nothing can be changed. All I can change is where I am heading now.

Dieting

http://creative.myspace.com/Client/WeightWatchers/StopDieting/popupHistory.html

I Knew This Already!!!

I got this fun quiz in my mail box this morning, so I thought hey I'll take it. I started a visionary board, which I heard about on Oprah and also in a couple of books I've been reading, so I thought I do need some visual help. First, I needed to visualize what my goals actually are and not keep them bottled up in my mind and second I'm learning the power of positive thinking.
In October, I bought this cork board for my office, I have no idea what possessed me to buy one, the fact is, I did. It's been sitting here empty since October, nothing on it. I kept looking at it, wondering why I bought it? Well, I looked up at it and this thought came to me, that could be my visionary board. I have two things on it, so far. Anyway, I wanted to post this quiz, but it turned into something else... I am in a wacky mood this morning, since it is a day off for me.

You Are Fairly Normal

You scored 60% normal on this quiz Like most people you are normal in some ways... But you aren't a completely normal person. You're a little weird too! Why You Are Normal: You prefer ruffled potato chips You prefer a good meal to a good nap If given the choice, you would choose to have more money over more time If you had to, you rather live without music and still have laughter You rather be screwed over than screw someone else over Why You Aren't Normal: You prefer your family to your friends You know a little about many subjects You eat the cupcake first You would not eat meat from a cloned animal You prefer non fiction to fiction

What's Normal About You... And What's Not?

Adventures In Brush Prairie Washington

I am still assimilating my day. A thousand clarity moments happened for me, things that I have not dealt with in a long time. My minds been muted by the chaos that’s been around me. The last four years have been a slurry of events, emotional roller coaster rides, beginning with the diagnosis of my dads colon cancer in December. Then in February the same day my dad had his first chemo treatment, Rick suddenly passed away. Then catapulted from there to where I am now. The reason this all is coming back to me now, is my new position with Georgia. A woman who is passing away from ovarian cancer, and watching her mate of 5 years, struggling with that assessment. The realization that she is not going to be around much longer. She is already not eating, which is the first step of dying. I know this all too well. Dying started for me at age 13, with my real mother, and I have been dealing with it ever since. Like my sister Vickie, who helped one of her neighbors pass on in this world from colon cancer, I too draw people who are dying to my door step. This bugs me, because well, I don’t like watching all the angst that is associated with death. The mourning, the anger, the frustration of the people who are being left behind. Though, from my experience, you can move on and hold in your soul the memory of the essence of that person. The lessons, the love, the serenity, the sweet moments that you shared in your life with that person. Even the shitty parts that at the moment don’t feel great, in the end, really do matter. They shape the soul you become. No one is a mountain, standing alone, we are all beings of one essence. The source of life that also produces death. I felt Georgia’s loss of dignity of herself today. When she expressed to me, I am so embarrassed, because she needed help with a bath. I said, everyone needs help eventually and you are not less of a person because of this. That moment, put me into the reality of the rhythm of life. How kindness and compassion is essential in life. Expressing those things is difficult and you have to use wisdom and intuition from the source of God to show you what the steps are to take in matters. This day, set a synchronicity of moments that guided me. I opened my heart and soul to receiving those messages. Opening my minds eye and my souls eye to the signs that were around me.
Georgia lives on a piece of land, with 5 cows. Here are some pictures of it, I felt calm, at peace looking around me. It’s beauty overwhelmed me with desire of land of my own someday. I am taking the suggestions of today and creating that woman that I know that I am. I am setting off on the greatest journey that I will ever be on. The journey is me. And it starts with a single step and I already started it thirty three years ago, when I was blessed enough to be born.



They had a lot of birdhouses everywhere.



The shapes of these trees new the water spot fascinated me. I liked their shape.



Picture of the land.



The cows watering spot, I didn't see any cows though.



The gate to the pasture, where the cows hang out.

Dedicated

I found this poem written by Maya Angelou in her book "Celebrations". I read this poem twice and it made me think of my dad who passed away on September 24th, 2006 and Rick a friend and companion of mine for 10 years of my life on February 18th, 2004.

When Great Trees Fall:

When great trees fall, rocks on distant hills shudder, lions hunker down in tall grasses, and even elephants lumber after safety.

When great trees fall in forests, small things recoil into silence, their senses eroded beyond fear.

When great souls die, the air around us becomes light, rare, sterile. We breathe briefly. Our eyes, briefly, see with hurtful clarity. Our memory, suddenly sharpened, examines, gnaws on kind words unsaid, promised walks never taken.

Great souls die and our reality, bound to them, takes leave of us. Our souls, dependent upon their nurture, now shrink, wizened. Our minds, formed and informed by their radiance, fall away. We are not so much maddened as reduced to the unutterable ignorance of dark, cold caves.

And when great souls die, after a period peace blooms, slowly and always irregulary. Spaces fill with a kind of soothing electric vibration. Our senses, restored, never to be the same, whisper to us. They existed. They existed. We can be. Be and be better. For they existed.

Get Real Heart

My friend Mandy on Myspace put this out on a bulletin board, I decided to take it. I never put any stock into these things, but they are fun to take. It surprised me this time, with how accurate it was...

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love. You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!) Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Beware Of Phishing

I got an email, supposedly from my bank, it scared me, because if I don't verify information, it could derail my account for awhile. So, instead of clicking on the links, I called the bank. The reason I called the bank, the software I have tells me if they think this is a phishing scam or not, and it said it could possibly be. Anyway, I was directed to forward this and no they didn't need to verify my information, I'm relieved. Here are some tips they gave me in an email response, I thought I would share. Beware of these types of phishing scams...

The main goal of a phishing email is to get you to a site where you will provide your personal information. With these basic, but powerful, clues, you can easily recognize the threat and ensure the safety of your identity and finances. 1. Does the email ask you to go to a website and verify personal information? We won't ask you to verify your personal information in response to an email.2. What is the tone of the mail? Most phish emails convey a sense of urgency by threatening discontinued service or information loss if you don't take immediate action.3. What is the quality of the email? Many phish emails have misspellings, bad grammar, or poor punctuation.4. Are the links in the email valid? Deceptive links in phishing emails look like they are to a valid site, but deliver you to a fraudulent one. Many times you can see if the link is legitimate by just moving your mouse over the link.5. Is the email personalized with your name and applicable account information? Many phish emails use generic salutations and generic information (e.g. "Dear Customer" or "Dear Account Holder") instead of your name.6. What is the sender's email address? Many phish emails come from an email address not from the company represented in the email. 7. When in doubt, type it out. If you suspect an email to be phishing, don't click on any links in the email. Type the valid address directly into your web browser. For more information, and to enhance your anti-phishing arsenal with our free Bank of America Toolbar, please visit our Privacy & Security website at www.bankofamerica.com/privacy.

Forty

I woke with a question on my mind, “Jamie, what do you want to accomplish by the time you are forty?” I have no idea where this question came from, maybe my soul’s trying to get me to commit to a plan. Whether, I want to admit it or not, I’ve been mindlessly going from one chaotic episode to another. It’s time to think and make a plan.
I want to be financially fit.
I want to be 160 pounds.
I want to have a home that is peaceful and serene.
I want to meet someone that possess the qualities that I want in that special someone. Someone who is not a game player, who can love unconditionally, and who I can do the same.
I want to have a career that I love.
I believe, 2008 is my year. Since September, when I got my job, things have slowly improved. I am truly grateful for the ups and downs that I experienced, because they happened for a reason.
I am having a hard time in the weight issue, staying on track, doing the exercises that I know I must do, and well, eating properly. I’ve noticed some triggers, recently, who instigate the eating binges. Being mindful during those moments becomes difficult, and I have cracked a few times. I have not gained, but I am not losing much either.
Being lazy in life and not trying seems so much easier, but is it really. Either way, when you let things go, you seem to have to do a lot more to get it all balanced out again. Maybe it is the winter months, maybe it is the 4 year anniversary since Ricks passing, maybe I’m finally coming out of my cocoon and emerging out into the light. I’m weak, but I am strong at the same time. What a contradiction! I am building up the blocks to reform a foundation that’s been broken into stubble for a long time. Seriously, I have been thinking that I have lived on other peoples foundations, and they are not my own. I’m doing Creative Change with Joy, my sister, it’s a plan we’ve cooked up ourselves. We started in January, we both realized change needs to happen or we could lose our sanity. The definition of being insane is trying something over and over and expecting different results. I don’t want to be that way, not anymore. So, stopping that insane route and charting a new map, my atlas, spirit, intuition, nature, love, peace, and hope. I have found a couple of valuable tools, one I spoke about previously. Caroline Myss’ book “Entering The Castle”,, which I recommend to anyone who is committed to the healing of their own spirit and becoming more real with themselves.
What truly inspired me to start this new beginning, “The Art Of Power” by Thich Naht Hanh, I started reading it in December. Before that, Joy and I were talking about 2008 and charting a new destiny for ourselves. I am noticing synchronicity all around me. Joy, going down this path with me, who is a close sister friend, whom I can talk to about anything, my job, and seeing my strength and capabilities.
Since September, when I made a big step, in getting a job, things have slowly, progressively gotten better. I have made some slip ups with my finances, but they didn’t destroy me. The last 3 years have been a series of turbulent ups and downs, triumphant joys and catastrophic lows, all things to help me appreciate what I have. I’ve gained new perspective on where I want my life to go and I learned who I can trust during this process and who I can’t. All elements in guiding me to my authentic self. I am learning to love who I am and trusting my own instincts. All blessings.

Sunday Serenity #21

This book is a sojourn into your own soul, which Caroline Myss calls your castle. I'm not far into "Enter The Castle", I am still noticing subtle changes in my thoughts. Probing deeply into your soul is the goal, appreciating the connection you do have with God, being mindful of your actions that do have an affect on others. Connected we all are, whether we want to believe it or not. Knowing this, reading "Enter The Castle", and gaining new perspective is a sense of serenity for me.