Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Dog And Butterfly
A dream of mine came true Sunday night, I saw Heart live. I love Hearts' music, ever since I was a young girl and there first album "Dreamboat Annie" came out in 1976. I remember my sister Vickie and I singing the song "Dog and Butterfly" together. I wish my sister Vickie could have been there with me, but she was unable. Journey was awesome too, even the new lead singer gave his all and pulled it off. I enjoyed singing along to all the words with my friend Amber and seeing Ann and Nancy perform live... You girls Rock!!! Thanks for sharing your talent...
Monday, September 15, 2008
Craving Nature
I am reading Diane Ackermans' book "Cultivating Delight", I am enjoying it, especially since I am not able to go out and enjoy nature at this moment, I am sick. Ugh!!! I took this picture this summer, when my sister Vickie came up for a visit for two weeks. The Cowee Man River is a beautiful place. I love trees, the bigger, the better they are.
Oh Take Me Way!
I am sick, I hate it. I am coughing, my lips dry, my nose stuffed, my back aches from laying in bed, I can't lay down, because when I do I cough and cough and I can't stop. I am in a terrible mood. I did go to the hospital on Saturday, only to find out I have some form of pnemonia and it sucks, I wish the anti-biotics would kick in and heal me. I need a miracle. I am asking for a miracle here.
My friend, who is going to Belgium, leaves tomorrow, I am babysitting his cat and his apartment for the two weeks he will be gone. The trooper in me, plans on still doing this, despite how I am feeling and I am going to do it. I just wish this would go away so that I can enjoy his big screen TV and my visit with Mr. Man (his cat) while he is away. I don't have any critters of my own, so I am looking forward to this time with Mr. Man. I also want to say farewell to my friend...
I hate staying in bed all day, doing nothing, but looking at the walls, coughing up my lungs, and making treks to the bathroom. The pleasure of the internet is not fun anymore too. Even reading, which I enjoy, is a chore to do. Yet, I started Diane Ackermans, Cultivating Delights. I am enjoying her stories about her garden and the deer that visit her garden. For a few moments, my mind is off of being sick, then, wham! I start in on this coughing bit, my stomach hurts from all this cough, I swear, I am building up my abs, by coughing. Hey, that can be the new exercise fad that can go around, coughing to build up your abs. Can you see the info commercials now? Sorry, I'm in a bit of a mood today, actually for the last few days.
I will stop for now, before I say something even worse... I wish everyone good health...
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Green
I am sick in bed this fine day. So, I am missing the green trees and being able to be outside in nature.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Sunday Serenity
Abba music brings me serenity and joy into my life. This morning, as I am writing my morning pages, I am listenig to Abba. Take a chance on me,
Dancing Queen, Fernando, Knowng me, Knowing you, all awesome songs. Thank you to Monte for making a CD copy of this cd for my collection...
Dancing Queen, Fernando, Knowng me, Knowing you, all awesome songs. Thank you to Monte for making a CD copy of this cd for my collection...
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Library
I took a trip to my local library, I got tired of sitting at home, feeling sorry for myself. So, I went to my library, looking at the stacks of books that were their ripe for the picking. I went a strolled down the spiritual/religion section and I got five great finds. I'm looking forward to reading these sacred books. I also got a fiction novel to read too, for a total of six...
1. Sacred Spaces: Carolina da Silva
2. Life's Little Rituals: Alexandria
3. A Mystic Garden: Gunilla Norris
4. A New Earth: Eckhart Tolle
5. Wise Women: Susan Cahill
6. Skylight Confessions: Alice Hoffman
1. Sacred Spaces: Carolina da Silva
2. Life's Little Rituals: Alexandria
3. A Mystic Garden: Gunilla Norris
4. A New Earth: Eckhart Tolle
5. Wise Women: Susan Cahill
6. Skylight Confessions: Alice Hoffman
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Happy Birthday Mom!
My mom is on my mind today, I've thinking about her, missing some of the good things about her, and also contemplating how much my life truly changed in the course of 21 years since her passing. I just finished the 6th grade, and I moved to Longview, Washington, to be with my sister and her family. Looking on it, grieving, contemplating, and an overwhelming sense of loss, waves over me like a banner. Though, I do have to say, from every experience I have learned many valuable lessons in my life. That life throw unbelievable sadness and happiness at different times in ones life. Every experience, somehow shapped me into the person I am. Somehow, that blunt, bulldog, tiger girl's been lost. That is one of my greatest fears, to become and die like my mother did. That is what I am thinking of today, my mothers life and death, and the many adventures I went on in my life. I feel like a great explorer, roaming around, observing things.
When I look at the kaelodescope of my life, I see every shape, color, and demension of the people who have become a part of my life, some are still here, some are gone. Each one holds a key that unlocks a door, showing, behind the door new ways of viewing certain situations in my life. An example: I went from a single mother, who became besieged with mental problems, to a sister whose house elapsed into the drug haven of the whole city of Longview and beyond, to a fundamentalist sect Christian family, to a man who loved Elvis and nothing more. All these experiences somehow became a part of my foundation, one that I am not ashamed of anymore. I can't be, though at times it shook it, crumbled it, I still didn't break, I didn't die, I didn't became a blob of nothing. I stood it, and yet I still have my humanity. I am appreciating my blunt perspectives, my compassionate, genrious nature, and also the tiger that I am when I am fighting for someone or something I love. I can't change who I am...
I've always told everyone that I don't know who I am, the fog is lifting that I've been in for so long. It is possible to love yourself and to love others the same... Balance can be reached.
When I look at the kaelodescope of my life, I see every shape, color, and demension of the people who have become a part of my life, some are still here, some are gone. Each one holds a key that unlocks a door, showing, behind the door new ways of viewing certain situations in my life. An example: I went from a single mother, who became besieged with mental problems, to a sister whose house elapsed into the drug haven of the whole city of Longview and beyond, to a fundamentalist sect Christian family, to a man who loved Elvis and nothing more. All these experiences somehow became a part of my foundation, one that I am not ashamed of anymore. I can't be, though at times it shook it, crumbled it, I still didn't break, I didn't die, I didn't became a blob of nothing. I stood it, and yet I still have my humanity. I am appreciating my blunt perspectives, my compassionate, genrious nature, and also the tiger that I am when I am fighting for someone or something I love. I can't change who I am...
I've always told everyone that I don't know who I am, the fog is lifting that I've been in for so long. It is possible to love yourself and to love others the same... Balance can be reached.
Book Giveaway
Joystory is hosting a book give away from Hachette books. The books they are giving away look rather intriguing, especially the ones on leadership... Go check it out...
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Thank You Universe
It's 2 in the morning, I'm wide awake, with a ton on my mind. So, I thought I'd blog about it.
The things on my mind is my future, my health, my soul, and relationships. Whoa, I'm sure I'm not the only one in the universe who contemplates these many aspects of ourselves, feelings of failure, hopelessness, insecurity, and the mindless menage of things that hampers a person. That is one thing that I am truly encompassing into my life, figuring out where my place on this planet truly is, finding a spiritual path that is more true to my soul. I have realized that every spiritual leader, teacher, guide, or human being who's writen self help books, are basically saying the same things. Letting go to the Universe or Source and being a person of integrity. That balance is the true measure of happiness, be happy in the little joys of life. Today, I enjoyed my day. I got up early, went to the post office, felt bless that I was the only one in line, so I was served faster, thank you Universe. And then went to the grocery store, where I had a pleasant conversation with the lady at the cash register, she was so thoughtful, she helped me back up my purchases. Save a lot, doesn't bag up your groceries, you have to do it yourself. I don't mind, at least I know where my stuff is and I can organize it in the bag. I digress, my point is, I decided to get my mind off of a certain person, whose been in my mind and my heart for 4 years and I let it go to the universe and guess what, he contacted me and what made us friends in the first place was back. I felt blessed by it, even if at one time of the day, there was a moment of relapse, but I made it thru it.
Slow progress is happening, relapses, moments of sadness, grief, happiness, and all the emotions of life, happen, I can choose to accept that or fight it. I am choosing ot accept that it is apart of life and that I am a creator of my life, along with the Universe.
The things on my mind is my future, my health, my soul, and relationships. Whoa, I'm sure I'm not the only one in the universe who contemplates these many aspects of ourselves, feelings of failure, hopelessness, insecurity, and the mindless menage of things that hampers a person. That is one thing that I am truly encompassing into my life, figuring out where my place on this planet truly is, finding a spiritual path that is more true to my soul. I have realized that every spiritual leader, teacher, guide, or human being who's writen self help books, are basically saying the same things. Letting go to the Universe or Source and being a person of integrity. That balance is the true measure of happiness, be happy in the little joys of life. Today, I enjoyed my day. I got up early, went to the post office, felt bless that I was the only one in line, so I was served faster, thank you Universe. And then went to the grocery store, where I had a pleasant conversation with the lady at the cash register, she was so thoughtful, she helped me back up my purchases. Save a lot, doesn't bag up your groceries, you have to do it yourself. I don't mind, at least I know where my stuff is and I can organize it in the bag. I digress, my point is, I decided to get my mind off of a certain person, whose been in my mind and my heart for 4 years and I let it go to the universe and guess what, he contacted me and what made us friends in the first place was back. I felt blessed by it, even if at one time of the day, there was a moment of relapse, but I made it thru it.
Slow progress is happening, relapses, moments of sadness, grief, happiness, and all the emotions of life, happen, I can choose to accept that or fight it. I am choosing ot accept that it is apart of life and that I am a creator of my life, along with the Universe.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Balancing Act
A roller coaster ride that went array states how I am feeling at the moment. I hit a verbal brick wall today. My face feels broken and shattered into a million different pieces, because honestly, I've been nurturing others in my life for a long time. I've put others ahead of my own desires, in fact, so much so, that I don't know what my desires are. That is the truth of the whole thing. I've never truly took into account what I want in my own life, or developed my own talents in any endeavors. I've followed the people in my life, Vickie, Joy, Monte, Summer, Amber, so numerous, that it would take hours for me to list it all. That emptiness inside of me is coming to a head, because, the two friends that were brave enough to express themselves to me, spoke out. In two different styles, but their messages were the same. It paused me to think of my integrity, my intentions, my serenity, my foundation in my own SELF. Quick fixes don't suffice with the deep rooted pain and humiliation that I feel inside. That cause me to act out like an emotional vampire onto people in my life. It all started, when Rick died, I came unglued, I don't turn to food anymore for comfort, I got rid of the garbage of his house, and also of my own soul. I became raw inside, and then I felt empty. I wanted quick fixes to fill me up, but I became depended on others to show me how to do that. In fact, I wore them out, I'm sure. In fact, I put a dear friend in Ricks place, unconscouisly, I put a role onto Monte, that shouldn't have been his in the first place. Then, I got angry with him, when he couldn't be what I wanted him to be to me. It hurt, caused me to act out irrationally, being a total enemy of myself.
So, this week, despite my fears, my reservations, I am taking some time to self evaluate many issues that have suddenly, undammed themselves in my life and deal with them one by one.
So, this week, despite my fears, my reservations, I am taking some time to self evaluate many issues that have suddenly, undammed themselves in my life and deal with them one by one.
Thoughts For The Day
I finally got some sleep last night. I've been sleep deprived for a day, and it is unusual for me. Though, I do know why I was, change is around the corner in my life. "I am in the deapths of despire." Anne Shirley stated, that is where I have been for the last week. Truthfully, longer than that, I've been procrasinating the things I must do to get out on my way to a life that I want to make for me.
So, I am finally getting over that defiant behavior. I am taking my sister Joy's suggestion about find a program on the internet that is about goal setting and making a commitment to myself. So, last night I found a great web site called Mind tools. I found some helpful advice on this web site. I started my list and making some long term plans for my future.
Here is a quick list of some of my goals:
Reaching my ideal weight of 160 pounds.
by incorperating daily exercise and not binge eating.
Finding and keeping a sacred space in my home: By cleaning out all the gunk in my apartment, keeping up the chores, and commiting to a routine, like I did for Edna.
Finding my spiritual practice: Following thru with meditation and prayers that I have in my collection. Working with Creative Change which I am doing with my sister Joy. Being able to encourage myself without the help of friends or family and having a balance relationship with them and with myself. Not giving up, when things get tough and running or thinking that I want to tell everyone goodbye or get out of my life, whenever a rocky patch comes my way. Trusting in my own voice, wisdom, and power, as a woman, friend, sister, daughter, and human being.
Being more creative with my photography, taking more risks in pictures.
School: Attaining a degree in college, taking creative writing classes, photography, and computer classes, so that I can create and be more confident in my abilities.
getting the money that Amber owes me, so that I can actually go to school and get started in my new endeavor.
Going out in the world: seeking new experiences in nature and in relationships.
This is a start, I am sure that I will find more as my life comes up with new tools.
So, I am finally getting over that defiant behavior. I am taking my sister Joy's suggestion about find a program on the internet that is about goal setting and making a commitment to myself. So, last night I found a great web site called Mind tools. I found some helpful advice on this web site. I started my list and making some long term plans for my future.
Here is a quick list of some of my goals:
Reaching my ideal weight of 160 pounds.
by incorperating daily exercise and not binge eating.
Finding and keeping a sacred space in my home: By cleaning out all the gunk in my apartment, keeping up the chores, and commiting to a routine, like I did for Edna.
Finding my spiritual practice: Following thru with meditation and prayers that I have in my collection. Working with Creative Change which I am doing with my sister Joy. Being able to encourage myself without the help of friends or family and having a balance relationship with them and with myself. Not giving up, when things get tough and running or thinking that I want to tell everyone goodbye or get out of my life, whenever a rocky patch comes my way. Trusting in my own voice, wisdom, and power, as a woman, friend, sister, daughter, and human being.
Being more creative with my photography, taking more risks in pictures.
School: Attaining a degree in college, taking creative writing classes, photography, and computer classes, so that I can create and be more confident in my abilities.
getting the money that Amber owes me, so that I can actually go to school and get started in my new endeavor.
Going out in the world: seeking new experiences in nature and in relationships.
This is a start, I am sure that I will find more as my life comes up with new tools.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Self Acknowledgment And Renewal
The last week, I've been stuck in my bed, dreading life, feeling miserable, hopeless, sad, angry, you probably get the picture. It all started with the news from the doctor about my health, and then it even got worse today with the news from the old doctor. I got a second opinion. This time, I asked for copies of my x-rays, so I can show people. My sister works on x-ray machines, and when she was here in July, she showed me an x-ray of her head. It is truly amazing, it is art. when I get it, I'm going to see if I can scan it and send it off to people. I digress...
For four years, I have been friends off and on with Monte. He amazing, talented in drumming, a great sense of humor, and can somehow cut through all the bullshit of mine. I value his friendship, tremendously. Yet, we have these outrageous fights, where, I am the cause of it. I am realizing that I am extremely insecure in a lot of areas in my life. It inhibits my true growth and my spirit of my life. I have read some great books, by the Dalai Lama, Dyer, Myss, Angelou, Williamson, to name a few, and I have gathered some great information. Somehow it's been hard for me to follow through on the tools and tips that they give you. Instead, I act like a total asshole, pardon my french, but that is how I have been behaving. I do, I act like a total jerk, demanding of others time and energy concerning him, my insecurity, what am I gonna do, and still not heeding their advice, some of it has been great advice, even from Monte himself. I have been so focus on him, that I have stopped taking care of my own needs, and causing him as much pain over things, as myself. Tonight, Monte and I had a fight, then a heart to heart talk. I believe he wants my friendship, like I do his. I'm glad that this outburst happened, I am seeing things from a new perspective, I can't live like this, it is helping me or him. I obviously don't love who I am. The signs are all there, and it is truly up to me to change it. I can't change because someone wants me to, I have to do it for me. I have known this for a long time, and it is the reason Joy and I have started the Creative Change project that we did. She wants to change her life, as much as I do. I did realize something while I was talking to him. I am not in love with him, he took Rick's place in my life. The companionship role that Rick had, and yes, Monte has some of the qualities that Rick had. Rick passed away 4 years ago, almost 5 and I don't think I am truly over it. I don't think that is something I can get over, the death of someone who I truly loved and cared about for 10 years of my life.
Here is what I want to accomplish in my life at this moment, and it will take me awhile to get to where I am going, probably my life time. It is still worth it.
I want to accomplish my long time goal of losing another 120 pounds and getting to a healthy place in my life. I want to be out in the public, walking, hiking, being out in nature, instead of cooped up in my apartment. I want to find the true joy in my life. And enjoy being in my own company, (Yes, Joy, I am getting it), and doing my own thing. I need to love and respect me and do what I need to do for me, instead of worrying about others in my life. That is my commitment to myself...
For four years, I have been friends off and on with Monte. He amazing, talented in drumming, a great sense of humor, and can somehow cut through all the bullshit of mine. I value his friendship, tremendously. Yet, we have these outrageous fights, where, I am the cause of it. I am realizing that I am extremely insecure in a lot of areas in my life. It inhibits my true growth and my spirit of my life. I have read some great books, by the Dalai Lama, Dyer, Myss, Angelou, Williamson, to name a few, and I have gathered some great information. Somehow it's been hard for me to follow through on the tools and tips that they give you. Instead, I act like a total asshole, pardon my french, but that is how I have been behaving. I do, I act like a total jerk, demanding of others time and energy concerning him, my insecurity, what am I gonna do, and still not heeding their advice, some of it has been great advice, even from Monte himself. I have been so focus on him, that I have stopped taking care of my own needs, and causing him as much pain over things, as myself. Tonight, Monte and I had a fight, then a heart to heart talk. I believe he wants my friendship, like I do his. I'm glad that this outburst happened, I am seeing things from a new perspective, I can't live like this, it is helping me or him. I obviously don't love who I am. The signs are all there, and it is truly up to me to change it. I can't change because someone wants me to, I have to do it for me. I have known this for a long time, and it is the reason Joy and I have started the Creative Change project that we did. She wants to change her life, as much as I do. I did realize something while I was talking to him. I am not in love with him, he took Rick's place in my life. The companionship role that Rick had, and yes, Monte has some of the qualities that Rick had. Rick passed away 4 years ago, almost 5 and I don't think I am truly over it. I don't think that is something I can get over, the death of someone who I truly loved and cared about for 10 years of my life.
Here is what I want to accomplish in my life at this moment, and it will take me awhile to get to where I am going, probably my life time. It is still worth it.
I want to accomplish my long time goal of losing another 120 pounds and getting to a healthy place in my life. I want to be out in the public, walking, hiking, being out in nature, instead of cooped up in my apartment. I want to find the true joy in my life. And enjoy being in my own company, (Yes, Joy, I am getting it), and doing my own thing. I need to love and respect me and do what I need to do for me, instead of worrying about others in my life. That is my commitment to myself...
Thursday, August 21, 2008
A Resting Place
I met a bird in the doorway of my apartment. I felt bad, because I disturbed him, while he was sleeping. Though, it surprised me that he didn't fly off, he sat there, looking at me. I said "I'm not here to hurt you, I just want to get into my own bed." It is strange, but I thought he understood. I did, get a snapshot of the bird. I don't know what kind he is or even if it is a he.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Jamieology
I couldn't think of anything to write about today. My mind's been twirling with many thoughts, that cloud up my mind. The thunder storm brought in cool air, which I am thankful for, especially, after the heat wave we've endured the last couple of days.
What is your salad dressing of choice?
I love blue cheese dressing.
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
I enjoy Alexis in Portland Oregon, it is a great Greek restaurant, I haven't been there for many years.
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Cheese.
What are your pizza toppings of choice?
olives, cheese, mushrooms, and sausage.
What do you like to put on your toast?
butter
TECHNOLOGY
What is your wallpaper on your computer?
I have a picture I took of my sister Vickie, niece in law Jessica, and myself.
How many televisions are in your house?
1
What color cell phone do you have?
Black
BIOLOGY
Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right
Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Yes, I had a cyst removed from my breast when I was a teenager.
What is the last heavy item you lifted?
the TV tube from my old TV set.
Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Yes
BULLCRAPOLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No, I'd stress out trying to get all the things done on "my list of things to do before I die".
If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I've grown used to my name
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
No way
DUMBOLOGY*
How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
2
Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
gosh, let me see a couple of years.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
balanced
Last person you talked to?
Victoria
Last person you hugged?
Monte
FAVORITOLOGY
Season?
Fall and spring
Holiday?
eh, none
Day of the week?
Any day
Month?
May
CURRENTOLOGY
Missing someone?
yes, several people in my life
Mood?
a mixture of different moods.
Listening to?
muriels weddings
Watching?
computer monitor
Worrying about?
a lot
RANDOMOLOGY
First place you went this morning?
To the restroom
What can you not wait to do?
go to the beach
What's the last movie you saw?
muriels wedding
Do you smile often?
not often enough
What is your salad dressing of choice?
I love blue cheese dressing.
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
I enjoy Alexis in Portland Oregon, it is a great Greek restaurant, I haven't been there for many years.
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Cheese.
What are your pizza toppings of choice?
olives, cheese, mushrooms, and sausage.
What do you like to put on your toast?
butter
TECHNOLOGY
What is your wallpaper on your computer?
I have a picture I took of my sister Vickie, niece in law Jessica, and myself.
How many televisions are in your house?
1
What color cell phone do you have?
Black
BIOLOGY
Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right
Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Yes, I had a cyst removed from my breast when I was a teenager.
What is the last heavy item you lifted?
the TV tube from my old TV set.
Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Yes
BULLCRAPOLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No, I'd stress out trying to get all the things done on "my list of things to do before I die".
If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I've grown used to my name
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
No way
DUMBOLOGY*
How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
2
Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
gosh, let me see a couple of years.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
balanced
Last person you talked to?
Victoria
Last person you hugged?
Monte
FAVORITOLOGY
Season?
Fall and spring
Holiday?
eh, none
Day of the week?
Any day
Month?
May
CURRENTOLOGY
Missing someone?
yes, several people in my life
Mood?
a mixture of different moods.
Listening to?
muriels weddings
Watching?
computer monitor
Worrying about?
a lot
RANDOMOLOGY
First place you went this morning?
To the restroom
What can you not wait to do?
go to the beach
What's the last movie you saw?
muriels wedding
Do you smile often?
not often enough
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Sunday Serenity
Spending time with friends brings peace to my soul. I haven't hung out with these quacky people forever, last night I got to. Russ, Amber, Monte, and Jackie. Thanks guys for making me laugh...
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Clouds
Sunday night, a friend and I went for a drive, driving the out skirts of Vancouver, where I live. The adventure, brought back a joy that I truly enjoyed, out exploring things. The wonderful houses, animals, cars, trees, clouds, and music we saw and listened to, brought out a different side that I hadn't felt in a long while. Thank you to the universe for a wonderful day!!!
My Challenge
Life can throw you fist fulls of challenging, agrivating, and humorous situations. I've been dealt a heavy blow, actually several. A quote from my dad "Life is full of change, you either sit there and die in them, asking why is this happening to me, or you can accept it and go with the flow of this challenge and smile anyway." I never fully understood this, not until now.
My weight is a huge issue, one of the biggest challenges of my life. Guess what? I can't blame anyone but myself. I am an emotional binge eater, you know the type. The ones who don't eat in front of anyone, but when they get alone, they pig out. I do that, I can clean out my fridge in one night. I am serious, I have done that in emotionally challenging situations. Though, in the four years since my independence day, I have lost 100 pounds, I still do have 120 pounds more to lose. Yes, I am being honest about my weight, my eating habits, and the formidable challenge of making a change in my life style so that I can be healthy again. At age 34, I've developed heart failue and one collapsed lung. So, something sure does need to change, or I will be buried deep in dirt and no more enjoyments of life. The devastating news from the doctor, that I am not eligible for a surgery that would help improve my life, because of my fatness, makes me feel like a failure of life and beyond. Because, I've done some things to improve my life, which have helped somewhat, but then again I don't totally follow through on them. So, my challenge, is to become more of a follow through kind of gal, and actually take those vatiamins that I have, eat properly, meaning don't pig out on those cold lonely nights, or because some thoughtless jerk hurt my feelings, or because I'm bored out of my mind. That is the challenge, the real challenge that I am facing. Because, to be honest, I've taken care, entertained, took on other people challenges, that I've neglected my own. I'm not sure where my soul, my passion, my talent is. I do have an idea, but it isn't formated fully into my spirit, where I can pull them out of me to actually doing them. Admiting my faults, not hiding the truth of my weight battle, or the other battles of my life, is probably the wisest first step I have done and I am hopefuly that I can continue on a path that is more into the enlightenment phase I want to be in. I am going to blog, and I do have some resources that I hope to enlist in the near future. It's not hopeless! A weak smile, but it is still a smile.
My weight is a huge issue, one of the biggest challenges of my life. Guess what? I can't blame anyone but myself. I am an emotional binge eater, you know the type. The ones who don't eat in front of anyone, but when they get alone, they pig out. I do that, I can clean out my fridge in one night. I am serious, I have done that in emotionally challenging situations. Though, in the four years since my independence day, I have lost 100 pounds, I still do have 120 pounds more to lose. Yes, I am being honest about my weight, my eating habits, and the formidable challenge of making a change in my life style so that I can be healthy again. At age 34, I've developed heart failue and one collapsed lung. So, something sure does need to change, or I will be buried deep in dirt and no more enjoyments of life. The devastating news from the doctor, that I am not eligible for a surgery that would help improve my life, because of my fatness, makes me feel like a failure of life and beyond. Because, I've done some things to improve my life, which have helped somewhat, but then again I don't totally follow through on them. So, my challenge, is to become more of a follow through kind of gal, and actually take those vatiamins that I have, eat properly, meaning don't pig out on those cold lonely nights, or because some thoughtless jerk hurt my feelings, or because I'm bored out of my mind. That is the challenge, the real challenge that I am facing. Because, to be honest, I've taken care, entertained, took on other people challenges, that I've neglected my own. I'm not sure where my soul, my passion, my talent is. I do have an idea, but it isn't formated fully into my spirit, where I can pull them out of me to actually doing them. Admiting my faults, not hiding the truth of my weight battle, or the other battles of my life, is probably the wisest first step I have done and I am hopefuly that I can continue on a path that is more into the enlightenment phase I want to be in. I am going to blog, and I do have some resources that I hope to enlist in the near future. It's not hopeless! A weak smile, but it is still a smile.
Tea
You Are Black Tea |
 You have a bold personality. You're not afraid of simply being yourself. You have the courage to speak the truth. You are fearless in your actions. You come off as a bit intimidating and unapproachable. Only confident people are attracted to you. You don't try to scare off anyone. You're just an intense person! |
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