Green

I've been sick the last few days. Thankfully, I am starting to feel better... I took this photograph at the public library two weeks ago. I absolutely love trees...

Learning To Fly

Went to the library today with Jessica and Micah. I didn’t actually go into the library, but I did enjoy sitting outside looking at the pretty trees and flowers. I wanted to get out of the house, enjoy some fresh air, and do something different than what I’ve been doing. I got my camera out and start snapping photographs, something I love to do. Still breaking out of my funk, and learning to fly. I listened to Tom Petty last night, the song “Learning To Fly” resonated deep within my soul. So much so, that I have chosen it to be my call tone, so when someone calls me that’s what they’ll hear. That's what's on my mind...

Learning To Fly
Tom Petty
Greatest Hits

Well I started out down a dirty road
Start out all alone
And the sun went down as I crossed the hill
And the town lit up, the world got still

I’m learning to fly, but I ain’t got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing

Well the good old days may not return
And the rocks might melt and the sea may burn

I’m learning to fly, but I ain’t got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing

Well some say life will beat you down
Break your heart, steal your crown
So I’ve started out for God knows where
I guess I’ll know when I get there

I’m learning to fly, around the clouds
But what goes up must come down.

I’m learning to fly, but I ain’t got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing

Boy, Does That Taste Good!

This is Baby Girl, the newest edition to Ric and Jessica's family. I needed to laugh, and this photo made me laugh...

Sewing Or Sowing...

I decided that I needed to get out of my funky mood, so I went to Joanne’s craft store with Jessica today. I got a new cross stitch project. I am doing a small pattern on pillow cases, butterflies, daisies, and ferns, in colors of white, peach, and shades of green, beautiful. I got all the threads organized, wrapped around the plastic holders, ready for me to start stitching. While handling the colorful threads, I started seeing some things. At first, I was mindlessly wrapping the thread around the pearl white holder, then suddenly thoughts of where my life is heading came to me. Somehow, I have ended up back at the beginning of my life, the stitches have unraveled, and now, a clean slate lays before. I still have some of the holes left where previous stitches have gone before, but do I even want to go back into that same hole, or do I want to make another pattern.? I want another pattern. I want my life to go into another direction, and I want whole new thread.
I believe, that my funks, or depression, whatever you call it, happens when someone finally gets tired of the mucky, chunky diaherra of their lives and the soul is speaking to them. My soul’s talking to me. I am listening. I do believe in what the bible, and other books say, “you sow what you reap” and “Karma”. So, with this new cross stitch project, and other projects that I want to accomplish, I am making a new pattern for my life. I do know, despite my negative thoughts, I do have several people who do love me, they just don’t show it in the way I can see it now, maybe soon I’ll be able to see it better…

Pocket Full Of Sunshine.

This song says how I am feeling... I just added my photo to it.


"Pocketful Of Sunshine"

[Interlude]
I got a pocket,
got a pocket full of sunshine
I've got a love and I know that it's all mine
oh.oh,oh
Do what you want,
but you're never gonna break me,
sticks and stones are never gonna shake me
oh,oh,oh

[Chorus]
Take me away (take me away)
A secret place (a secret place)
A sweet escape (a sweet escape)
Take me away (take me away)
Take me away (take me away
To better days (to better days)
Take me away (take me away)
A hiding place (a hiding place)

[Interlude]

I got pocket,
Got a pocket full of sunshine
I've got a love and I know that it's all mine
oh,oh,oh

Wish that you could,
but you ain't gonna own me
do anything you can to control me
oh,oh,oh

[Chorus]

[Hook]
There's a place that I go
That nobody knows
Where the rivers flow
And I call it home
And there's no more lies
And the darkness is light
And nobody cries
there's only butterflies

[Chorus 2x]

[Chorus & Interlude]

The sun is on my side
Take me for a ride
I smile up to the sky
I know I'll be alright

The sun is on my side
Take me for a ride
I smile up to the sky
I know I'll be alright

Journey To Self

Watching the chick flicks, “The Holiday” and “Sex And The City, The Movie”, I kept wondering what the heck is wrong with me. These romances, searching for the prince that’ll sweep you off your feet, a relationship, that’s full of love, trust, and issues, and here I am not evening willing to chance it. Don’t get me wrong, I love both of these movies and other romantic movies, just that I have always thought it would never happen to me. Somehow, ingrained in my mind, heart, and soul were the words from my sister, mom, and a few others, that you will never attract a man, or be relationship material. I thought I was lucky that I had a ten year relationship, but when he died, I thought that was it. I have signed up for some dating sites, but only at the urging of my friends. I don’t feel satisfied, I feel creepy about the whole process of advertising yourself, putting the make-up and having those sexy photos on there to attract a man. I still have issues with the whole process. Yet, deep down inside, where I hide a lot of things, I do have the desire of a relationship, that’s different than I have ever had, but the fear, the shame, the whole humiliating process of finding him makes me run and hide under my blankets. I keep deluding myself into thinking that I have to do some major changing before that’ll ever happen. That I have to be perfect, that the gross, stinky mess that my life’s in has to be completely abolish before I even start. I have reverted too far the other way, to where, I purposely hide from people, men, women, the romance, so I don’t have to deal with the painful rejection, or even have to work at all, saying to myself and to others that I am perfectly happy alone, am I really? No, that’s a big fat lie. I do like to spend a lot of time in quiet contemplation, but I also enjoy the company of people who make me laugh, that I can have deep spiritual and intellectual talks about many different subjects with. So, at the age of 35, I am forging a new path of self discovery, but the thing is, this path is not new. It’s the one I started in 2004 when Rick died and all these new and exciting experiences started happening for me. I have had some key people in my life who have shinned their beacon of knowledge on me, that I still hold in high esteem. Yet, a lot of these relationships are changing, hopefully to something better.
I am in a moment of asking questions to the universe. What’s my purpose? Who can I trust? Where do I want to go? Some of the questions roaming around in my old noggin. In my dreams, I have gotten some answers, some of them have been complete surprises coming out of nowhere, and some I have already known. Yet, I possess this lazy, unmotivated, hard headed chick who says screw this, I’m going to travel down this path, even if I totally destroy myself. That’s the part of me I want to shut up.
As I sit here, in my pajamas, propped up by pillows on my bed, gazing out the window at a big evergreen tree and mass vines of blackberry bushes and morning glories, I am beginning to ponder many things in my life. The people, the places I’ve been, and my role in this universe. I only know one thing for sure, that some part of me is waiting for the big fireworks to tap me on the shoulder and guide me to where I am meant to be and where I actually have some peace of mind and happiness. That’s just another Jamie fantasy, this divine being guiding me to where I need to be, to where I am to be blissfully happy, all knowing, all glowing with the joyfulness of finally figuring out the great cosmic universe. Yeah right, that’s every going to happen. Scientist can’t even say they know the whole universe of life and what exactly happen, that’s why they argue about it. Maybe that’s just it, I’m going to have to accept that I am not going to know anything more until it’s ready to be revealed to me. Ugh! I don’t like that at all, what can I do about I? Nothing, it’s going to happen whether I want it to or not.
Can you tell, that I am seconding guessing my thoughts, feelings, passions, goals, you name it, I am probably doing it. I admit to the public and to myself that I have a major problem with follow thru, finding and keeping my motivation, and most importantly losing the real perspective of life. I am so good at seeing it for everyone else, when it comes to me, I have the blinders on.
Perhaps, the question what happens now? Do I keep whining, do I perhaps stay stuck in an unhealthy situation? Or do I follow the knowledge and wisdom that my dreams tell me? To be continued as this enlightening journey leads me…

Library

The Longview Public Library... I love the way the tree leaves cover the brick building.

Give

With the fear of losing my photographs on my computer, I have saved them all onto a DVD-R. It took a good 30 minutes to accomplish this goal. I had 6 g’s of photos on the disc when it was all finished. I chose to do this after not having my computer for a couple of months, because I thought the plug part on the computer was fried, turned out to be the cord, thankfully. I am happy to be back on the computer, to have my music, my photographs, and to be back on the net. Now that I have my computer, now I am on a quest to make a sanctuary for myself in the room, I have been given.
I am hoping to get my stuff out of storage this weekend and to unpack some of my items and then maybe I might feel like I am home, instead of this feeling of discontent. I am adding a collection of photos that I’ve taken the last couple months of not having my computer.

Cross Stitching Adventure

Jessica, my niece in law encouraged me to try cross stitching, because she's working on this beautiful fairy. She had this pillow case pattern that she found at the thriftstore, so I started with that. There weren't any directions, so, I got to choose the colors. Jessica showed me the stitch, which wasn't that difficult at all. I actually enjoyed doing it. While watching movies, 'Rose Red", "Stargate", "The Sixth Sense", and "She-Devil", I cross stitched this pillow case. I ended up giving it to my sister/friend Joy. She can sew it into anything she wants to. She's creative in that way...
I have decided to expand my creative adventures a bit. I have not started another project, but I have been drooling over this cross stitch pattern book that Jessica has, so an idea is coming along. Right now, the biggest creative endeavor I'm going to be doing is getting my small room organized, and decorated the way I want it to be. I got some major ideas and plans to accomplish my the fall...

Such A Long Time

I have been away for a long time. My computer's cord decided not to work and finally I had the time to call HP for a replacement. Now, I'm back.

Several changes have accured since my move back to Longview. First, my friend Amber got married this Monday and is now moving to Idaho. I'm excited, but deeply sad by this. Then there's the changes with my friendship with Monte too. And then dealing with the social dynamics of Rick and Jessica. I love them all, I want more. I do realize, that maybe it's me who has to do some changing. I am an introvert, I don't like sharing my thoughts, concerns, fears, especially with my family. I feel ashamed, humiliation, you can just imagine the spectrum of emotions. I have a long journey that's awaiting me.

Pictures

Ode To The River

I woke up early today. I have a lot of stuff on my mind, I am working towards a lot of issues that have been perplexing to me for a long time. I am not positive of what the answers are, have this sneaky suspicion that the answers don't really exist, who knows?

My apartment is still being constructed. The bathroom is finally starting to look like a bathroom, and soon, I am hoping I will have my own spot. Thats one thing I am truly missing, my own spot. Where my stuff is, where I can make my own food, where I am not being invaded on my big dogs, or big humans, or pouncing cats, or other things, as often. I love my family, I am truly grateful for everything, but sometimes you just need some space.

I am officially starting my physical theraphy this morning, I am a bit nervous about it. I am hoping to build up the strength in both of my legs, and to also build on endurance. I have a feeling that I will be sore today, I'll be exercising in a swimming pool. Jennelle seems like a great physical therapist and she knows what she is doing. I have reverted to toe walking on my left leg, when I was 16 I had achillis tendon surgery on both of my legs. I was a toe walker my entire life, up to that point, my guardians noticed and got something done about it. My right leg is not as flexible either, but I am not toe walking on it. I don't want to go back to that predicament. Now, I have some goals, losing another 100 pounds, my physical theraphy so I don't end up back as a toe walker, getting my own spot, going back to school, and not acting like a complete lunatic over all the changes in my personal life and relationships.

These photographs at the top were taken last Saturday at Willow Grove Beach. Jessica and I went there to let the dogs, Christy, Steve, and Thomas run. The horse was trotting on the water front and Christy the dog wanted to sniff its bottome for a greeting. The horse was not having that. lol Anyway, I brought home a big piece of drift wood, that I want Jesscia to paint a Lord Of The Rings face on for me. Have a great morning...

Happy Spring!

I am still treading along, waiting for my own spot, but feeling well. I felt a momenttary lapse of irritation today, but everything went smoothly.
The daffodils are in bloom and that makes me happy. I have fond memories of daffodils. My mom's been a mast gardener and they were the first signs of spring. Walking home from school, I always knew home was close by when I saw the happy yellow faces swaying in the breeze.

Harvey, the bunny, became my new furry friend last night. He is so cute, fluffy, and soft, and of course, loveable.

Sunday's At Tiffanys'

Sarsaprilla, Quartz, Tourlamine, and Journey's

This the big house project still going on. Dave, Jessica's uncle had to replace the entire plumbing, so he spent most of his time under the house. Now, Rick and Jess need a new kitchen sink, the previous owner did not put it in correctly. We have no kitchen sink, but at least the bathrooms back.
My friend Amber got a pendulum, and I got myself some crystals. I bought a white quarts, pink quartz, and tourlamine. At the Moonshadow store, I saw some cool Tarots while there, Amber got a cool Celtic one. I also bought some Sarsaprilla, whole herb. Sarsaprilla is the root that root beer is made from. I love the sweet smell of it and it makes delicious tea.
I have talked about my friendship with Monte many times on this blog. Well, once again he is doing his normal spill of being offish, its frustrating, but something inside of me is changing. Maybe its the fact that I am growing, though I am camping out in Rick and Jess' living room, I am content. I am still wanting my own spot, but that will happen soon enough. I love having animals back in my life, plus I am swimming for my physical theraphy, and I have made another doctors appointment about my lungs. Seeds have been planted, causing major growth in my life, can you tell?

Give Me J

I am without water, the contractors working on the plumbing today, as he was yesterday. Yesterday, Jessica and I went to the YMCA and we went to water theraphy, then to lunch, where we meet my friend Amber. This morning, I am feeling so tired. Though, I have watched my 3 movies I got from Netflix. Quarantine (wow, all I have to say is if that really happened we would be screwed.), Tinkerbell (was not impressed by what Disney did, but I still love you Tinkerbell.), and Mamma Mia (I love Abbas music and Meryil Streep and Pierce Bronson OMG, such a feel good movie).

You Are Shrewd and Talented

When You Are Comfortable or At Your Best: You are ambitious, and hard-working. Adversity allows you to shine. You resourceful and able to make due. People see you as honest to the point of bluntness. But they always know that you'll be fair. You have the good intentions. When You Are in a Social Setting: You are a powerful, competitive person. While you want to succeed, you are also able to find balance in your life. People see you as self-sufficient. They are impressed by how much you are able to do on your own.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoyourinitialssayaboutyouquiz/">What Do Your Initials Say About You?

Close My Eyes

The photo is the man made pond that Rick and Jessica made in their front yard. They have fish, if you look closely you can see them.
Today, so far, mainly been about organizing and making my spot functional. I am currently camping out in the living room, sleeping on an air mattress, while my place is still being built. Strangely, I am not discontent. I am finding plenty of time to be alone, and do my own thing.
I know that I made the right choice. It's been a week since I've been back into my old home town. I am feeling peaceful and happy. Its about time.

Blue Skies

Blue skies shinning thru again. I don't mean just literally, but also metaphoracally. I am alot happier back home in Longview. I am enjoying spending my time with the animals. Told Rick and Jessica that we should charge admission for their zoo. They have 4 dogs, 5 cats, 7 bunnies, and 3 mice. It's been awhile since I've been around critters, it's a love that I share with Vickie and Rick. A family trait that we all possess. The last two days have been great. My good friend Amber came up to my new home two days in a row, we drove around the old neighborhood and hung out. She got to mee the critters and see my propsective home. We also talked about things also, which is so cool. Anyway, life's progressing and I see blue skies ahead.

Ode To The Lady Bug

Beauty was everywhere yesterday. Early in the morning my good friend Amber came up to my new home in Longview and we hung out most of the day.
The truly miraculous part of my day happened when I was sitting on the front porch watching Dave and Jessica pouring cement into the newly formed parking area out front. I have never had a lady bug land on me, it happened yesterday in the sun. I looked down and there was a lady bug on my hand. Luckily I had my camera with me, only because I was shooting photos of the workers, the pretty clouds, and my furries buddies, those will be posted in the future.

Accomplishment

I'm officially moved. Yay! Took three days, my new start here in Longview will be a good thing for everyone. I love having animals back in my life, even the rowdy human kind. That'll take some getting use to. lol My quarters are not finished, not until the end of March. So, I am camping out in the living room and my furnitures in storage for a month. New experiences, the feeling of hope continues on.




Rick, Jessica, and Sam. They just finished spreading the new gravel on the parking space.




Rick and his motorcycle.



My new friend Christy. She's my nephew Rick's dog, I have finally moved. It's all done. Yay!!! Jessica, Rick's wife and I were watching Horton Hears A Who and Christy decided to cuddle with, she had her head on my breast. I love having a dog, actually, 4 dogs in my life, also 5 cats. I can actually remember their names. \\