The First Step

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
—Lao Tzu (570-490 B.C.E.)

My first semester in college, my professor Mrs. Hutchinson had this quote written on the marker board. I had not been in school in ten years, I was a nervous wreck. After Ricks passing, I could not finish my college career, too much to do after someone you’ve been with for eleven years passes away, sorting of books, Elvis collectables, estate issues, and massive amounts of clutter that possessed our five bedroom house. Three years later, I am not in grief over his passing. I have evolved, because ours was an unhappy union. I made a promise, I kept it, and though it almost destroyed me, I am healing from it. Now, as I am taking the first few steps into my journey. My path is being shown to me, the stones I walk on illuminating my path, and I’m hatching away with my machete the debris of my past life, and choices I have made. I have a chance at something different and I have many choices laid out before me. This is the third year of this process, the day I gained my independence and the chains around the lips of my inner voice came off and I have a voice. I have to make some decisions in the next few weeks. I must prepare myself for my future and think of myself. I have to discover what it is I want, truly want, and hear that woman’s voice inside of my soul. The voice that is dying to get out and express herself freely. This is a new concept for me. I am nervous, scared, and also excited. These emotions welding up inside of me, as I am venturing out, making decisions, deciding what my steps should be in this life. I have some issues that I am not sure how to deal with yet, but I cannot let them detour me any longer. I cannot waste my time on these thoughts anymore. If it is meant to be, then it will happen. I have no control over it at all. I have to trust in my instincts, in my intuition, and my path that is laid out before.